Intrusive thoughts - please help

[Torimori]

Please can someone help me - I am absolutely terrified.

For a long time I have had intrusive thoughts but I have managed to overcome them. However, as a parent I am having the most disgusting intrusive thoughts popping in such as "what if I were ever to get the urge to abuse him, sexually"? I am crying my eyes out as I am writing this.

I love my little bit do much and would never do anything to hurt him, I am just so scared that one day it won't be a thought and now can't get the horrible thoughts out of my head. Please can someone help me?

[TomT]

Hey hey Torimori!

First of all and this must relax you, you will not react to those thoughts in that way, why? Because you worry about reacting you do not want to act on those thoughts on the other hand perverts do want to do such things.

Intrusive thoughts are a pain in the ass and sometimes you get the sensation you are sick of having them, or at least that happens to me :D.

You are ok, remember you are not your thoughts, you are yourself and thoughts come and go.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Torimori,

First off, well done for speaking out. I remember you saying less than a week ago that you were worried about even discussing your intrusive thoughts because of stigma, SS, etc. Learning to discuss them is a good start at accepting them and not fearing their meanings.

You are crying your eyes out even writing it so it clearly is deeply disturbing to you. Isn't that the best indictator that you could NEVER do something to him? You love him more than anything and would do anything to protect him so why on earth would you ever do something like that to him? You wouldn't and you won't.

Think of it this way. If you had these thoughts and weren't disturbed by them, what would that say? If you actually indulged in fantasies about them, what would that say? Having said this, some of us with OCD do become desensitised over time or have feelings of "liking" or even groinal responses (both men & women) BUT these are well known & documented in psychology...so, it's not you changing into someone else or the real you coming through even if that does happen because people who have this problem then worry & obsess over why they aren't reacting like they used to. I've had this, so I just like to mention it in case it happens because it tends to cause people to raise a thread even more scared that their worst nightmares are coming true.

I used to have intrusive thoughts about harm coming to my parents or me harming them or me harming strangers. I love my parents more than anything in the world. I would die for them tomorrow and not think twice. So, of course I wouldn't harm them or wish for harm to come to them. If someone harmed them, I would want to harm them back BUT guess why I can't? Because my parents brought me up not to be like that so it would kill me to shame them by reacting like that as they would be ashamed of me. This leads me onto the strangers. I wouldn't harm them because I could end up inside and that would deeply upset my parents...who I would never want to upset!

So, you can see why in my example, my OCD has chosen to centre on my parents or how they would be affected. Isn't this the same with yours?

I found reading the articles on Steve Seay's website (psycholoigist in the US) very useful in understanding intrusive thoughts. I would recommend people with them to have a read as he explains them very well and also why they are "ego dystonic". He also mentions how some of his patients with extreme harm intrusive thoughts are some of the most compassionate people he has known and popses the question "I wonder why that is?". I think intrusive thoughts are about what will shock you the most. If you think about it, what would be the point of intrusive thoughts about something you aren't bothered about?

It's obviously going to be children when it comes to a parent. I have no children, so for me it is the closest in my parents.

Don't think for a minute that you "changing" or turning into "what you actually are", because this is incorrect. What you are is who you already are, a loving parent. Your core beliefs guide how you react to these thoughts and you have deeper guidance (in your Schemas, which are connected to your identity) that means these thoughts will never be acted on. The actual nature of why intrusive thoughts like this are even sent to your conscious mind is because the subconscious has checked them to these beliefs, memories, etc and can't find a match to do something so comes to your conscious mind saying "I give up, I don't know what to do so here is all the data conscious mind, you tell me what to do". A paedophile or psychopath would have a different set of beliefs that would mean this wouldn't be happening.

Believe me, I known some violent nutters growing up in my area. They have no conscience until they are in the dock trying to wangle a reduced sentence. I've known guys that would find it hilarious as they attacked you. Those are nutters, psychos, sociopaths, not people with OCD.