Obsessive worry over one time unprotected sex

[Matt82]

Hello everyone! This is my first post on the forum, so I'm sorry if there are many others like it.
I'll start with a short history. I suffer from severe OCD and panic disorder. It started around the age of 18, and went unchecked until I was about 30. I currently am seeing a psychiatrist and a counselor and am on medication.
Now the point. About a month ago I had unprotected sex with a girl I know(more just a "Quickie" than anything else). It was irresponsible and I'm aware of that, but it has quickly turned into an obsession about stds and HIV.
It was a one time thing, but my mind has taken over now. I have in the past suffered what I call "fits" where I live in a state of constant fear and anxiety over various different ailments. I'm currently in the middle of a "fit" now.
I try to stay offline, but it's hard sometimes. I haven't had any kind of symptoms of anything, but I'm still having irrational thoughts that haunt me daily.
The girl is a registered nurse, and has said that she had recently been tested and was all clear. She was nice enough to talk with me about it. However this didn't change anything. I'm now constantly checking for glands, taking my temperature and basically torturing myself.
I know that being tested is the only way to be sure, but at the moment my doctor says that she highly doubts I've been exposed and that a test could do more damage than good at this point. I'm already dissociative and having a hard time functioning on daily routines, and to be honest, I'm in a persistent state of fear.
I've been through these "fits" before and I'm sure it will pass in time, but I'm struggling very much right now. I don't understand how my doctor can feel I'm at low risk, but I've seen studies that show that I could truly be at a low risk. Still, it does nothing to slow the fear. I'm hoping someone can relate to my situation and give some kind of reassurance.

Thank you for anyone's advice or help!

[Lifelonganxiety!]

Hey!

I've been there a few times with worrying about an STD. Trust me, the best thing (the only thing) to completely put your mind at ease is a test. I have no idea what your doctor is thinking by saying it would do more harm than good.

All I can say though, is that contracting an STD (particularly a nasty one) is actually quite difficult, and even then they are treatable.

The good thing is you know this girl, and I'm assuming trust her? It's not like it was a prostitute or anything.

Also, after a month you would probably be symptomatic by now if you had contracted anything so you're probably in the clear. Saying that though, get tested. I wish I had just got myself tested when I had worries. I wasted a year in constant panic that I had HIV when a test would have cleared it all up.

[Matt82]

Thank you for the response! My doc told me not to get tested yet because he truly believes the odds are slim, and he knows that I might go off the edge of I do it while I'm in such a vulnerable state.
I've calmed down a bit since then. Still struggling. It's been over 6 weeks since it happened and I came down with a sinus infection which terrified me. I began checking for swollen glands in my neck. When I couldn't feel any, I started pressing harder and deeper until the actual checking became painful. Now my neck hurts, and my rational mind says it's from the constant checking, but my fears say it has to be glands. My doc says that I'm checking in places that glands don't even exist. Still my mind gets carried away.
The girl is actually a nurse practitioner, and is trying to help me even though I feel like I'm insulting her.
I will get the test soon. My psych just wants me to level out a bit, because I have had "black thoughts" in the past when I am in this state of mind.
The funny thing is that now I'm starting to worry less about HIV and more about some weird glandular cancer.
I've made it out of these situations before and I'll do it again. I know that.
I'm so glad I found this site, it's helping me so much!

[MyNameIsTerry]

Whilst a test won't cause any damage, if you have OCD linked to contamination fears your doctor is suggesting not allowing yourself to complete a compulsion because it will reinforce your OCD.

If you don't have reassurance seeking as a compulsion, I don't, then it's unlikely to be an issue.

It just sticks out that everything is saying it's very very unlikely from the scenario to the medical advice so your doctor must be seeing how this is affecting you and knows it will only provide temporary relief as you will likely just keep questioning it anyway or move onto another similiar worry with a reinforced disorder.

What a great person this nurse is. She clearly understands anxiety disorders to know there is nothing meant by any of this, it's purely irrational thoughts from the disorder.

[confusedandalone67]

I can relate to this post so much. I went through exactly what you're going through and twice on two different occasions. My fear like yours was HIV and STDs. I can relate to feeling like you're having fits i.e in a manic state of panic and thoughts not leaving your head? I've been there. I had to take Lyrica at one point which is actually for fits.

I feel like the only thing that would get you out of this temporary state of torture is a test to get the thought out of your head and prove you wrong definitively.

I also relate to what MyNameIsTerry is saying about reassurance. I like you also need to get to the root of my issues as it can re-emerge again about something else! It did happen to me too.

I just want you to know you're definitely not alone. I relate to all of this.