Life of Reily ......

[Krakers]

Hi all.

I've had anxiety now for over 6 months and figured it was about time I stopped making excuses to my mates for not coming out and doing other things I used to. So a couple of weeks ago, instead of telling people I was under the weather or making other excuses I came clean.

One of my closest mates MSN'd me today when I eventually got up at 12. Even after expalining everything to him (best I could anyway), he bade me good afternoon and wished he was as lucky as me.

When I asked him what he meant, he said that I'm having the life or Reily. Get up late, don't work, no responsibilities. Well thats all arse about face. I get up late because I can't sleep, I don't work because of my anxiety, I've got more worries than I can fit in my head at one time.

I tried explaining again but he just doesn't get it. Has anyone else opened up and wished they'd stayed quiet ? My mate said he was trying to help and I should just "pull my socks up".

I thought being open would help, now I'm thinking the idea was good in principle but the reality doesn't match.

Krakers.

[darkangel]

snap krakers i used to get the exact same comments and it pi$$ed me off!

i guess its just their way of not knowing what we are going through and people dont understand how it feels to live like this.

try not to take it too personally but just let the comments pass and try not to add more anger and frustration to how you feel just now. You know that you are doing the best you can at this moment.

take care of yourself

darkangel x


........life is for living not just for surviving

[Slothette]

Hi Krakers

I'm in the same boat except I've had anxiety and panic for longer. People just don't get it so now I've pretty much given up telling anyone and there's only a couple of people who know the full story. This is why this site is so brilliant because everybody here understands what it's like.

I'm sure mate that if you could just "pull your socks up" then you would have done a long time ago!

Try not to take the comments to heart but if you feel like a chat feel free to pm me anytime.

Take care

Lexxie

[mooks]

oooh its terrible, im off work at the mo...i get ' what have you got to worry about' or 'stop worrying'...
hey i think i may have tried that one !!!!!!
Yeah on the surface i may have a good life, but as many proffessionals say...anxiety and depression doesnt mean score who it attacks. it affects anyone...i would love to be back at work and enjoying a night out with mates etc....

[ceecee]

hi krackers
i too have always kept my anxiety to myself although i did tell one(so-called)friend! and felt better for doing so,until she started saying some really hurtful things!anyway it all came to a head and i did ask her why she said these things but she said basically that i,m loopy and that she didn,t say anything and that it,s all in my head just like the anxiety!!!!!!!i just don,t think people understand what it,s like for us.i used to think that anxiety was just a few butterflies in the stomach(nothing like how it really is!!!!).i m sorry that you have gone through this as i think it does take alot to open up sometimes and then wish we hadn,t!
take care
rach x

[jo61]

I used to get it from (now ex) colleagues when I was signed off work. I didn't let it bother me as I regarded their ignorance as more of a problem than my anxiety! Most of my friends are sympathetic and I've been open since the start many years ago. What I find difficult to take is the over sympathy - that tone when I answer the phone 'how aaaaaaarrrrrree you? Drives me nuts :D CAll me ungrateful but it just pushes my buttons.


Jo

[KOKO23CAT]

Would love to have a pound for everytime i'd heard the phrase 'just pull yourself together' it normaly comes from the mouth of some well meaning but ignorant reletive (normally an auntie i find) Ignore them and do your own thing, balls to work, balls to socialising if thats what it takes for now, accept only sympathy and balls to other peoples opinions. (i think i've become a bit complacent, back to work next saturday will let you know how i get on!)

koko

''my life is full of catastrophies, most of which never happened''

[davidthegnome]

Hey Krakers. I definitely know what that's like. This is something my parents don't really understand that well and they're often giving me well meaning (but ignorant) advice. For example, one time when I was fretting about physical conditions (everything from heart attacks to tumors to my lungs collapsing) and I talked to my dad about it, he said "how long until you convince yourself there really is something wrong with you and you do get sick?" He was trying to tell me to stop fretting about it, but only freaked me out more.

One time I was talking to my Mother about how I was feeling and she said all kinds of fascinating things. "Don't go skitzo on me, you're either skizophrenic (pardon my spelling) or neurotic, it's probably neurotic, but don't go skitzo on me". Jeez, that really helped a great deal huh? Thanks for helping me calm down mom, suggesting that I might starting hearing things or seeing things, sheesh.

One close friend that I've had since childhood, my best friend, used to tell me that it was so incredibly easy for him to control his mind and relax. He always said he'd trade his problems for mine any day because I had such an easy life living with my parents. Another well meaning individual told me I was living the American dream.

It's not as if I don't want to work and go to school and do all kinds of things. Just that the anxiety makes it extremely difficult so I spend most of my time at home. Still, it is good to remember that these people are not uncaring or stupid or selfish, they are simply ignorant of what we're going through. Overall, that's a good thing, I wouldn't wish anxiety or panic attacks on anyone, not even Bush.

Wished he was as lucky as you eh? He's darn lucky he's NOT as "lucky" as you.

Some times I've opened up and wished I'd kept my mouth shut. Other times though it can really help, particularly if the person you're talking to has been through similar situations and/or is very understanding and empathetic.

Don't let it get to you. I'm sure that most of us, if we had the choice, would prefer to have the ignorance of your friend rather than the fears we live with.


Good luck and God bless you,

Dave

[weepinky]

Hi Krackers, this is a very interesting post for me as I too have kept it my deep dark secret, only my partner know about it. I have often wondered if it would help my recovery if I 'spilt the beans' as it were to my other nearest and dearest, after reading this I think I will keep it to myself!!!

In a way I can understand how difficult it must be for someone who has never suffered to understand what its like, its not just fear but it becomes physical too, all I can say is that ignorance must be bliss[^]

Luv Pinky

Yesterdays history, Tommorows a mystery, today is a gift, thats why its called the present.

[Krakers]

Hi everyone, and thank you for all your replies.

I first opened up at Christmas - my brother said he'd take me down the pub and sort me out [B)]. I told my dad around the same time and last time I spoke to him he said "I'm getting sick of all this, when are you going to sort yourself out?". I only speak to him once every couple of weeks and see him once a month, so no idea what the heck he's talking about.

The point I'm trying to come round to though is this : I didn't tell other people for sympathy, I told them so I didn't need to keep telling porkies everytime I spoke to them. Most people just don't understand or get it, but I told them so I could have a clean slate, not for a pat on the back.

I'm not sure just how much good its done at the moment. I really get miffed like Joe when people ask me am I ok. Well I was before they asked, but let me focus on it for a while and I might not be now !

Weepinky - don't let this discourage you from telling other people. They might not understand, they may well act like buffons. But you're not telling other people for them, you're telling them becuase it helps you.

As a result of letting my condition be generally known I've had more positives than not. Its no longer some deep dark secret but something I can address head on. Yes people piss me off on a daily basis either by not understanding, being too sympathetic or just plain stop talking when I walk into the room.

People will be what they are. I can only be true to myself. Someone elses approval shouldn't ever detract me from my goal of being better.

Krakers.