been told im not helping myself

[tricia56]

I've been told now by 2 of my sons that I'm not helping myself and not making a effort reguarding anixiety and ever since they told me my mind has gone into overdrive thinking allsorts likethey must be right and that I'm a failure, why cant I help myself , is there something else mentaly wrong other than anxiety then becauseim thinking this way I think I'm loosing my mind which makes things worse, l keep asking myself why do i think and react the way i do towardseverything.I do try to help myself I go to the shop do my housework go and pick my granchildren up from school if needed on my own even tho I am feeling overwelmed with anxiety I still do it, I know its not much.so maybe I'm not really helping myselfand I need to push myself more but I can't seem to be able to have the courage to do it,sorry for ranting on ,think I'm posting because I'm looking for advice as to why I think the way I doand if its normal in anxiety and maybe confirmation that my sons are right in wat they said.

[sial72]

No, your sons are not right at all, but they just don't understand.
Please watch a Claire Weekes interview on Youtube. It is about an hour long and when you watch you will understand why they are wrong and why despite trying to push yourself you find it so hard.
If you like the interview (she is great) you can get her book on Amazon, best few pounds invested xxx

[Pepperpot]

I agree with Sial72 - your sons don't understand. I never understood my friend taking panic attacks until I got them. x

[MyNameIsTerry]

Tricia,

Are there any support groups near you? They can be very helpful for this as they tend to have walk-in sessions, courses, socials, etc. It can be helpful to move forward with other people for some.

When I used to to mine, they were always advising people to join things like local walking groups, gardening projects, volunteering, etc to get them out more with people in similiar situations. Walking groups, for instance, can bring people with different issues together including mental & physical as well as people who are just lonely and need to socialise a bit more.

I agree with Sial & Pepperpot too. Your sons are looking at this from THEIR perspective which is, when they get scared, not when someone has a disorder where their fear responses are far more advanced. It's like someone who's been "feeling a bit down" thinking they know what depression feels like. You can't say you know what a broken ankle feels like because you've twisted one in the past. So, why should it be any different for mental health conditions?

[dally]

Hi Tricia,
I have the same problem with some members of my family, and it is the main reason I chose not to 'tell' people about my agoraphobia and panic attacks. Some people just do not have the ability to understand. Full stop. And their solution to the problem is simple (to them)...just go out, travel, socialise, eat, work etc etc....if only!!

Terry is right, you do have to widen your circle and perhaps joining a social group or volunteering in a charity shop could b your first step.
However, in order to do this, you may find relaxation deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation helps you to achieve this.

It may also be helpful to show your family the claire weeks book as an explanation of what you are going through. Everyone seems to understand an alcoholic can't just stop drinking and an arachnophob is petrified of spiders (no matter how small)
X

[ilovetrees]

If it was so easy we'd all be off enjoying our lives wouldn't we ? We don't want to feel like we do.

[tricia56]

Thk all so very much for your support and kindness and advice, and it true they don't understand so Im going to try and ignore their comments, I know I have t try and get out more and widen my social thing but I don't know why I can't seem to do itas even thought of thinking about it makes me feel scared and anxiose ,also I don't know if you all have noticed in my posts that I mention a lot about I keep thinging I'm looseing my mind and that is really worring me as for weeks now it has kept happening, I try to tell myself its just a thought I'm not loseing my mind but it don't seem to help , just wonderd if anyone can give me some advice or infomation on why this happens and how to deal with it would be so very gratefull.

[MyNameIsTerry]

If you read mental health information about people who do actually suffer from more serious mental health problems, they mention how they don't realise it and it's often others who point it out. Psychosis and delusional disorders are a good example of this, people don't realise how they are acting is other than normal. Schizophrenia is the largely the same.

People with those problems won't be found posting on here having a rational conversation because they literally believe what they experincing to be reality and normal.

Honestly, I have felt I was losing my mind many times going through the bad stages and it still hits me if I have bad blips now. I know enough to know it can't do that, but it still feels horrible at the time and you find yourself having those thoughts.

I think no matter what the anxiety disorder, you can get to points where you've had enough and think things like this or just become overwhelmed or not know enough to know it can't go that way.

It's very hard getting out there, Tricia. When you start, it's really really hard. Dally will tell you that having gone through agoraphobia and many other on here the same. I used to go to the charity walk-ins and for some time I struggled sitting there with them. The funny thing was, they all said the same. One of the charity co-ordinators discussed it in one of the meetings and spoke of his experience how he spent the first 6 months just sitting outside in his car and then eventually in the centres reception. It took him 6 months to get through the doors into a meeting. But he kep coming and enduring the anxiety it got easier.

You can do it, but it will only ever be hard for a while until you start to find yourself more relaxed. Group things can be helpful this way because you are all in the same boat and no one is judging you as they've all been there too. If you have a charity like this in your area, it could help you. Some of the people at mine became good friends and socialised together. The charity put on coffee mornings, monthly meals, music groups, etc. Everyone at that charity was a current or former sufferer and they knew how to handle situations as they had bene trained to run sessions plus they had their experience.

[tricia56]

Thk you terry you have been so helpful, so if I'm right its just the anxiety that makes me think that thought and its just a irrational thought nothing more and just try and exept its just a thought and let it go .

[Lan69]

Terry has hit the nail on the head
I often thought I was losing my mind and it would snap at any minute and I would go hysterical. I also suffered from intrusive thoughts. Even now I still get a feeling of panic and thinking I'm going ' to lose it ' but I try to accept it's just a feeling and it's caused by too much adrenaline, and it's just looking for an outlet.
I think you are doing well by doing housework etc because when I was at my worst I couldn't even leave my bed and I didn't even feel safe there
I have drifted away from 'friends' who don't understand and tell me it's all in my head and and sitting in house all day won't help, I found their 'advice' most unhelpful and made me feel worse like I was a failure needless to say I don't bother with these people anymore as they were hindering me. My son doesn't really understand what's going on with me and I just explained to him it's like how you feel before going to the dentist/exam that horrible churning stomach but I have it all day. He's been a little angel bless him doing everything when I was really bad. He done the shopping, cleaning and cooking and had to look after himself when I was hospitalised. At first I used to try hide how I felt from him but now I just tell him .

[MyNameIsTerry]

Yes, that's it Tricia. Accept it as just a thought. Don't worry about accepting the content as being possibly true, that's a common mistake people make in learning Mindfulness from what I have found, its just accepting that it is a thought and that's thoughts don't always have meaning or value. It's hard to do and learn to let go so if takes practice but it can be achieved.

I know you have intrusive thoughts and it's important to remember they are classified by the medical world as "ego dystonic" which essentially means the opposite of our real beliefs able character. That's why they scare us so much. It would be no good if our anxiety chose something we didn't really care about our very bothered by. It picks the things we will most likely react strongly against. That's why you get parents having thoughts of harming children in OCD, the one thing the love more than anything in the world and would never harm. So, try to cut down how you react and learn not to let them frighten you and you will see them fade.

You probably have noticed how you get more and possibly more intense ones the more anxious you are? That's something us guys with OCD discuss and how we need to reduce our overall anxiety levels to reduce the OCD too.

[pulisa]

Tricia, I'd like to see your sons having a brush with an anxiety disorder for 24 hours-that is the only way that they would truly appreciate what you face each day.

You do have to believe that your thoughts are not a sign of impending insanity. You are still here, posting coherently on NMP and in my book are very much aware of what is happening to you. You just need some kindness and understanding from your family at the very least and the confidence and strength to dismiss your intrusive thoughts before they take a grip.

[tricia56]

Thk you lan69 I do feel abit better now knowing its the anxiety that courses the thoughts as before I posted on here this morning I did a stupid thing and googled symtoms of pyscocis and wished I never done that as I self diognosed myself , I can't really distance myself from sons but I can try and ignore their remarks , I have come along way from how I was 7/8yrs ago as I wouldn't do anything at all exept sit in my room all the time ,hopefully in time I will get a lot better .

[ilovetrees]

Funnily enough, my wife told me the very same thing a couple of hours ago, a few minutes after I'd phoned a support line to try and get help. IMHO, that shows the invalidity of that type of comment. I'm just off to 'snap out of it' :winks:

[tricia56]

I can't thk you all enogh for the kind support you all give me on here , terry I'm going to look in to mndfullness I can't do it at the moment as I'm useing a tablet which isn't very good as I can't down load anything on it and the sound doesnt work so I'm hoping to buy a laptop soon as I can learn about it. Thk you too pulsa '

---------- Post added at 15:05 ---------- Previous post was at 14:57 ----------


Funnily enough, my wife told me the very same thing a couple of hours ago, a few minutes after I'd phoned a support line to try and get help. IMHO, that shows the invalidity of that type of comment. I'm just off to 'snap out of it' :winks:

Lovetrees what doesI IMHO mean if you don't mind me asking

[ilovetrees]

In My Humble Opinion

[MyNameIsTerry]

Then thats something useful they can do for their mum to help her get better then, buy her a new laptop :winks: An alternative is that they could download the tracks from the links on my thread for you and burn them to a MP3 disc to play. MP3 players are cheap enough, they could download and copy them over to one. I'm not advocating you spending your money like this though, I just know if it were me I wouldn't think twice about a few quid and some time to help my mum. If you don't have a MP3 playing CD player they could burn them to disc as albums which just means more discs but is quick enough. Thats some effort they could put in to help you so you can see if it helps. It would be a good idea to look at a resource that guides more than just the recordings though e.g. a book. There is a free 8 week MBSR course on the thread in my signature but it is online.

Have you got any self help books? They can be very helpful. There are plenty of them around and there are always the used copies too if you need to keep costs down. (Amazon's used book sellers can be very good, I had about 10 for Xmas and just told my mum not to waste her money on new books...and they were mostly in very good condition with a couple looking new anyway). There are plenty of Mindfulness books around but when you pay book price they are more. Mark Williams, Jon Kabat Zinn, are good authors but there are many more. Don't go overboard with books though, I'm just thinking that they could help explain some of the things you find confusing about anxiety as well as discussion on here.

When someone says snap out of it or sort yourself out, remember the old "people in glass houses" phrase. With many people you could think "why aren't you successful in life?" since all it takes is a lot of hard graft...just like recovering from anxiety disorders.

You don't have to worry about psychosis, you wouldn't be on her posting if you had that, no chance. There was a thread not long ago about a member's brother who had more serious mental health issues and I think this is a good demonstration of what it looks like to someone who is reading about it and worrying them may have it. Look at this thread:

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=173328

Can you see how the poor guy does not understand his own behaviour? Can you see how quickly he was admitted to hospital? Thats not any of us on here, Tricia. That guy is completely absorbed by his irrational behaviour to the point it seems rational to him. Our anxieties may give us unusual & scary thoughts but we maintain cognitive control and have deeper core beliefs & schemas that help us to understand how we should be.