Cross with myself!!

[Kishtu]

I have a cough. I have pains in my chest. I can't breathe, I have dizziness, and pains in my leg that fit with symptoms of a blood clot, and I might have pneumonia, and I might be going to have a heart attack.

I am also just getting rid of a cold, I have one leg shorter than the other, and I have panic attacks. So all the stuff I'm panicking about... is all perfectly explainable, and the doctors (and A&E before now) have explained it all to me before. Been there, no different this time to the last time I was sitting up at mignidght sick and shaking with panic.

I'm just so scared, and the thing that really annoys the hell out of me is that it's ME that's creating all these symptoms, my bloody stupid body demanding that I pay it some attention.

How do I stop going round and round in circles? It feels like every time I get a twinge somewhere and rationalise to myself that it is just my stupid shaky body tying itself in knots, I get another, different one to scare me....

[Wanderlust]

Hi Kitshu, hate it when the anxiety controls you like that, you feel it never ends! you know whats going on but no matter how much you try to rationalise it... well, we know how it works.
Have you ever tried cbt? works wonders, not a full blown all in one cure but helps teach you about thoughts, feelings and how it is all linked and why we react the way we do.

Hope you had some success getting it under control :)

[Kishtu]

Thanks Wonderlust, you feel such a bloody fool though don't you? Knowing very well there's nothing up with you biut not quite believing it because ths time you're having to take deeper breaths, or having different chest pains...

[Wanderlust]

Foolish.. maybe, at times, particularly when i talk to people about it. To be honest these days I give myself a break because I have dealt with it for so many years that I am just relieved when I get through a bad spell and come out of it, I see no reason to kick myself harder than i have already kicked myself.

I used to be very proud about the whole thing, thinking myself weak for being this way, beating myself up about it, and if i had to tell other people about it I would still feel that even now, but I have come to an acceptance in my own mind.
I havn't given up, not by a long shot, but I firmly believe allowing yourself a degree of sympathy is important, because lets face it, this isnt something I would ever wish on my worst enemy.