Intense anxiety!!

[Ssmith]

Hi guys,

Currently 3.40am. I woke up at 3am covered in sweat and had a feeling of the most intense anxiety which is terrifying. Feeling on edge and that I'm about to go crazy or lose control. I've noticed that my eyes are terribly dilated as well. I had a very similar feeling about 4 years which kick-started all my problems, anxiety and depression. I'm trying to keep myself calm but it doesn't seem to be working and i don't know why nothing is working? I really do feel like I'm going crazy!

[ana]

Hi there,

your adrenaline levels are high, hence the dilated pupils. I get shaky hands whenever my anxiety intensifies. I know it's frustrating to keep trying to calm yourself down only to keep failing at it, but what if you were to stop resisting the panic? Perhaps try and let it pass through you; surrender to it. What's the worse that can happen? You're not going to die and you're not going to go insane. You can't get a heart attack, either. You're safe, and nothing bad is going to happen to you. :)

Obviously, your increased anxiety is a signal that there is something going on in your life that is upsetting you at the moment, causing you tension. The reason why nothing is working is because the root cause of panic attacks are somewhere in the subconscious mind, and we can't rationalise it and using common sense reason ourselves back into 'normality'. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. If it did, there wouldn't be so many of us here, hehe.

Even though it's uncomfortable, go back in time and try and figure out what happened that may have caused you to feel this way now. I hope you feel better soon!

[Ssmith]

Hi Ana,

Thanks for the reply. I managed to calm myself down and have been doing a bit of CBT this morning. I don't know why I have these periods of intense anxiety. I currently have anxiety, depression, GAD and agoraphobia (fun times). I have found that all my thoughts are mainly negative and focuses in my own mind so I will constantly say to myself 'I'm never going to get better',' I'll be like this for life', 'I've tried various medications and nothing seems to work for me', 'I'm 25 and I can't work and live my parents', etc etc. These types of thoughts are with me every second of the day. Haven't really done much CBT so I dunno if CBT would work with these types of thoughts. I constantly feel like is is genetic and therefore there's no point in doing CBT

[jayb1]

S smith, totally there with you. After a bad episode I always say I'm never gonna get better, I'm fed up of trying. I have panic disorder and agoraphobia and have had for 20 years, some periods of time a lot worse than others but I have got better with medication and perseverance. I'm having a real rough time at the minute been off work for 11 months but I'm not giving in. I'm seeing a psychotherapist and taking a day at a time. I say to myself every morning I will get better I want to get better. Try and go with the flow accept a bad day for what it is and try to turn a negative thought into a positive one. I would see your gp again to try a different medication and maybe asked to be referred for therapy. Xx

[Ssmith]

Thanks for your response jayb

I'm on the waiting list for CBT and currently seeing a private therapist once a week although i could only manage a phone session yesterday due to my anxiety. I've just switched from venlafaxine to fluoxetine about 4 weeks ago. Already tried Citalopram, escitalopram, sertraline with no success. I just don't feel like i can overcome this. I feel like I've done everything to try to overcome it and it just keeps coming back. It's a nightmare

[ana]

Ssmith,

I was nodding my head while reading your post about negative thinking and how you seem to not believe that you are going to get well again. I recognised my own thinking in yours. Turning negative thoughts into positive ones is difficult as it's not going to work unless you really believe yourself when you're saying to yourself that recovery is possible. I'm struggling with the same issue.

My default mode of thinking is 'I can't do it. I'll never be able to go out, travel abroad, do normal things. I'll waste my life away, and I'll die miserable.' It's like a snowball effect. One negative thought after another! Even though I know it's harming me, I can't go into positive thinking without a lot of effort. I have only realised that I'm stuck in a loop of negative thoughts through therapy. It's amazing how calming it can be to simply talk about your fears, worries and symptoms. However, it's understanding that you would feel anxious about seeing a therapist. Have you told them that?

We all resist discovering what's in our psyche. :)

---------- Post added at 16:19 ---------- Previous post was at 16:12 ----------


I feel like I've done everything to try to overcome it and it just keeps coming back. It's a nightmare

I'm with you on that one. I was in therapy for 11 years with no success. I left therapy because the therapist in question didn't know how to do the job properly, and I'm not saying this lightly, either. I've found out about other patients of hers who were dissatisfied with her work.
Also, I was on at least 7 different types of medication, and none of them seemed to work. If anything, the side-effects were worse than the symptoms.

However, I've been seeing someone new now for 10 months, and it is through our sessions that I've started believing that I'll be okay. Someday :)

[Ssmith]

Thanks for the reply ana,

It's absolutely terrifying when i get this low and anxious. I get terrified as to how long this will last for ALL the time. My mind is constantly racing and i find i can't relax or chill out.
The longer this all goes on for me (4 years now), the harder i find it to ever believe I'll be better. That's why i get scared the more i have this. If someone was able to tell me exactly when this ended, I'd be fine. But it's the not knowing that i can't handle.
Although I've tried numerous many medications without effect, I've never really committed myself to CBT or therapy. I think the longest I've been in counselling for is about 5 sessions and with CBT, i tend to give up after a couple of days when i notice it has effect. I realise that CBT can take a while to kick in but i want instant results!

How come you've been able to click with this therapist?

[ana]

I can understand your thoughts and feelings as I also wish I knew when it was all going to end. If it makes you feel a little better, my mum is a therapist (lol the irony!) and she's told me about the numerous patients of hers who have managed to get cured in short periods of time, depending on what their underlying issues were, of course. There is no set period of time for how long a panic disorder might last.

Much like you, I suffer from agoraphobia, obsessive negative thoughts, and I get low and discouraged when I'm anxious.

If I can share with you some thoughts about CBT my therapist has shared with me... it doesn't work long-term because it only teaches you how to handle your symptoms, but it doesn't touch upon the root cause of your anxiety and why you started having panic attacks in the first place. Therefore, panic attacks come back after a while, and you're back to square one. Perhaps if you stuck with counselling, you would be able to see the effects. There are no quick fixes, sadly. I also wish I could switch an 'off' button! :)

I immediately noticed my therapist was a clever and insightful individual, but it was after a few sessions that I noticed I would be thinking about the things that had been said in our sessions, sometimes for days. In other words, she encouraged me to self-reflect, and I'd notice myself slowly making changes in my behaviour, and I also started having longer spells of anxiety-free days.

Do you know why you started having panic attacks in the first place?

I'm glad you've found my replies helpful, and I'd like to help out any way I can seeing as I've had these panic attacks for 15 years now, and I've not yet hit 30 hehe

[Ssmith]

Ana,

I really wish i knew why i started having this constant panic/panic attack. I've had depression with anxiety on and off for a number of years now. I've noticed that every few years, i develop intense periods of panic that is the most terrifying thing I've ever been through. I'm currently going through one of those periods.

I've always been a worrier and anxious person although it hasn't impacted me until my recent years. I have also noticed I'm very dependent on my mum and people that i love and trust when I'm like this. I absolutely hate being on my own and get reassurance when I'm with them. I'm currently laid in my bed with panic going through me and I'm trying to keep myself calm. Thoughts like it's night time and there's no one awake to reassure me while I'm like this go through my head. I hate night time when I'm like this.

Do you reckon we can ever overcome this? I'm terrified at the thought of being like this for the rest of my life. At 25 years old, i feel like this is me forever now :s

[ana]

Ssmith,

I've also always been a worrier, a timid and fearful child while growing up, but it only had an impact on me once I lost two dear family members to cancer. It terrified me, reminding me of my own mortality. I have no idea why I continued having panic attacks to this day. Is it still ongoing because of the fear of death? Or is it something else?

When was the first time you had a panic attack? What were the events that preceded the even itself? Who were you with, and how did having a panic attack made you feel? It's useful to go back in time and relive some of these moments as it helps you get a better understanding of what actually took place so that you can analyse the situation further.
If you want, you can send me a PM and we can talk there. I feel like I can relate to a lot of what you are going through.

I'm also dependent on my mum, more than I care to admit, actually!

You know what? I don't reckon, I KNOW that we can overcome this! It used to feel impossible to me in my darkest moments when nothing made sense, and when I felt singled out, in a way, to suffer with no apparent cause or reason. Recently, however, recovery has started to feel more and more like a possibility, a goal that I can and will reach. :)

[Lee222]

My anxiety and panic started about 3 years ago completely out of the blue. I am the eldest of 4 kids and I have always been the "adult" even when I was very young. I have always been someone who worries about even the smallest things and I always seem to expect the worst out of every situation. 3 years ago I lost my job, I was very stressed out because I had just moved into a new home with no additional income and I was dealing with an extremely stressful job and alot of travelling. I haven't stepped foot on a plane in 3 years since this anxiety started. my life has changed so drastically that I don't even recognise who I am anymore. I don't feel normal anymore. I can't remember a day in the past 3 years that i have felt completely happy. my dad passed away a year ago after a short illness and I am trying to deal with that as well. He was my rock and I still can't believe that he is gone.

[Scaredlady]

Hi.

You sound how I sounded last night. I came across this forum by sheer accident at 2am this morning during a period of intense anxiety and to be honest it was a little bit of a saviour because reading all of the posts helped a little to reassure me and also gave me something to occupy my time with.

My anxiety tends to be heightened at night so I hope in future this forum can be my go to aid when things get too much in the early hours.

Best of luck to you.

[ana]

p.s. I've sent you a PM, but some people on the site have been having issues with PM's recently, so I hope you don't think I'm rude and/or am not replying lol