Njoy704
09-10-15, 07:59
I've heard it again and again... everyone deals with pain. I guess I am just unfortunate enough to not deal with pain very well. Every tiny bit of pain makes me think the worst. A quick sharp pain in the chest sends me into a panic and I wait and wait to see if I'm about to get a heart attack. A short lasting headache in the back of my head and I'm making sure I have the phone near by in case it's an aneurysm. Leg pain means dvt. Pelvic pain means ovarianan cancer and the list goes on.
My anxiety has everyone thinking I'm crazy. I make it a routine every night to have water and snacks out on the bedside table in case I die at night so that my son doesn't starve or thirst until someone gets home and realizes I've died. Ive asked people to make sure they call me in the morning and if I don't answer after 3 attempts to have the neighbor check up on me. I've spent a large amount of money ordering tests and scans for myself. I am not living life! I'very become so obsessed with my aches and pains that I just can't live a life of fun and happiness.
How can I just let the little flicker of pain go? How can I stop obsessing over what that quick bit of pain could mean? It's been a rough 2 years of this obsession. I've had 8 mri 's , ultrasounds, blood tests, endoscopy, colonoscopy and nothing serious has been found. But I still have pain. Daily. How can I just tell myself ... "stop it. Enough is enough. You're ok." Because I start to tell myself... "hmmm... well, my last pelvic ultrasound was 9 months ago... what if I have ovarian cancer now? And they'll see it this time around? I've been peeing a lot more at night and have pelvic cramps. Must be ovarian cancer." Or my constant leg pain for over 2 months now that I've had 2 ultrasounds on and still telling myself they've missed something. Why can't my mind wrap around the fact that I'm ok? What can I do? I don't want to live life always fearing death and before I know it, I've missed living life and I'm on my deathbed at the old age of 89yrs old regretting all these years wasted on nothing.
My anxiety has everyone thinking I'm crazy. I make it a routine every night to have water and snacks out on the bedside table in case I die at night so that my son doesn't starve or thirst until someone gets home and realizes I've died. Ive asked people to make sure they call me in the morning and if I don't answer after 3 attempts to have the neighbor check up on me. I've spent a large amount of money ordering tests and scans for myself. I am not living life! I'very become so obsessed with my aches and pains that I just can't live a life of fun and happiness.
How can I just let the little flicker of pain go? How can I stop obsessing over what that quick bit of pain could mean? It's been a rough 2 years of this obsession. I've had 8 mri 's , ultrasounds, blood tests, endoscopy, colonoscopy and nothing serious has been found. But I still have pain. Daily. How can I just tell myself ... "stop it. Enough is enough. You're ok." Because I start to tell myself... "hmmm... well, my last pelvic ultrasound was 9 months ago... what if I have ovarian cancer now? And they'll see it this time around? I've been peeing a lot more at night and have pelvic cramps. Must be ovarian cancer." Or my constant leg pain for over 2 months now that I've had 2 ultrasounds on and still telling myself they've missed something. Why can't my mind wrap around the fact that I'm ok? What can I do? I don't want to live life always fearing death and before I know it, I've missed living life and I'm on my deathbed at the old age of 89yrs old regretting all these years wasted on nothing.