annnaa
10-10-15, 16:26
Hi everyone
I just had the worst week. i thought i was building up my confidence, but Thursday I was speaking to 2 of my friends and I was talking (about how I said hello to a girl, who said hello back but then the conversation got awkward) and then my 1 friend said "but was it a hello or your hello". That just really hurt and they had no idea... how come people don't understand SA? they all think we're just 'shy' but that's not it! i'm supposed to be noisy, talkative, funny... but shame has grabbed me and pulled me down and now it has over taken me:mad:
and now i really looked forward to this weekend, especially because there was also no school on Friday! and i was planning to go swimming, to the library, meeting up with friends... but all because of that stupid Thursday, i stayed home all Friday and now it's Saturday, 17h17 and I'm literally crying because I spent the entire day watching TV and wasting my time on my pc. the problem is that the longer i stay home, the harder it is to build up my confidence again on Monday because I haven't practiced all weekend. does that even make sense? AND I HATE HOW MY FAMILY THINKS I'M JUST A LAZY TEENAGER!
Wednesday i visited my psychologist for the 3rd time and does it even help? i just feel like she just doesn't get it and i try to explain to her how much I wish I drowned whenever I take a shower or how much I wish the internet would suddenly be full of articles about social anxiety and everyone would understand me!!!!!! i promised myself i would no longer think about suicide, but this time i just can't stop it. i basically can't control my mind.
can anyone relate to this horrible, indescribable feeling?? please i need help
I just had the worst week. i thought i was building up my confidence, but Thursday I was speaking to 2 of my friends and I was talking (about how I said hello to a girl, who said hello back but then the conversation got awkward) and then my 1 friend said "but was it a hello or your hello". That just really hurt and they had no idea... how come people don't understand SA? they all think we're just 'shy' but that's not it! i'm supposed to be noisy, talkative, funny... but shame has grabbed me and pulled me down and now it has over taken me:mad:
and now i really looked forward to this weekend, especially because there was also no school on Friday! and i was planning to go swimming, to the library, meeting up with friends... but all because of that stupid Thursday, i stayed home all Friday and now it's Saturday, 17h17 and I'm literally crying because I spent the entire day watching TV and wasting my time on my pc. the problem is that the longer i stay home, the harder it is to build up my confidence again on Monday because I haven't practiced all weekend. does that even make sense? AND I HATE HOW MY FAMILY THINKS I'M JUST A LAZY TEENAGER!
Wednesday i visited my psychologist for the 3rd time and does it even help? i just feel like she just doesn't get it and i try to explain to her how much I wish I drowned whenever I take a shower or how much I wish the internet would suddenly be full of articles about social anxiety and everyone would understand me!!!!!! i promised myself i would no longer think about suicide, but this time i just can't stop it. i basically can't control my mind.
can anyone relate to this horrible, indescribable feeling?? please i need help