suicide & TV/computer addiction

[annnaa]

Hi everyone
I just had the worst week. i thought i was building up my confidence, but Thursday I was speaking to 2 of my friends and I was talking (about how I said hello to a girl, who said hello back but then the conversation got awkward) and then my 1 friend said "but was it a hello or your hello". That just really hurt and they had no idea... how come people don't understand SA? they all think we're just 'shy' but that's not it! i'm supposed to be noisy, talkative, funny... but shame has grabbed me and pulled me down and now it has over taken me:mad:

and now i really looked forward to this weekend, especially because there was also no school on Friday! and i was planning to go swimming, to the library, meeting up with friends... but all because of that stupid Thursday, i stayed home all Friday and now it's Saturday, 17h17 and I'm literally crying because I spent the entire day watching TV and wasting my time on my pc. the problem is that the longer i stay home, the harder it is to build up my confidence again on Monday because I haven't practiced all weekend. does that even make sense? AND I HATE HOW MY FAMILY THINKS I'M JUST A LAZY TEENAGER!

Wednesday i visited my psychologist for the 3rd time and does it even help? i just feel like she just doesn't get it and i try to explain to her how much I wish I drowned whenever I take a shower or how much I wish the internet would suddenly be full of articles about social anxiety and everyone would understand me!!!!!! i promised myself i would no longer think about suicide, but this time i just can't stop it. i basically can't control my mind.

can anyone relate to this horrible, indescribable feeling?? please i need help

[theharvestmouse]

Anyone with SA will understand what it's like, I know how you are feeling because I've experienced the same in my life. You are young enough to do something now rather than let it go on ruling your life. You need to accept that you are you and you'll never be the person you think you are 'supposed' to be. We are all different, that's what makes you the person you are. There is nothing wrong with being quiet and shy.

Try not to be hard on yourself, you are trying to do something about SA which is great. I know this is easier said than done but try to live in the moment and not dwell on the past. I'm speaking from experience that if you spend time thinking about the past then it will not help. The best thing you could do is to do the things you enjoy like swimming, that will help your confidence. The more you do to push yourself out of your comfort zone then the more you'll feel that you can overcome SA.

Hope this helps. :)

[ilovetrees]

Let me tell you from experience that thoughts of suicide might seem right at the time but when you get through that dark period, you know that it was wrong.

I've done a lot of really bad things to myself in the past. On one occasion, I ended up being was wrestled to the floor by three cops, cuffed and taken to the hospital. It was that serious. In the cold light of day, while in the ER, I was feeling better. I was still under arrest when the consultant who was dealing with me literally said 'You could die'. But I was feeling happier at that point.

I did something different, but equally bad, a few weeks later. I was literally unconscious before my plan failed and I came round. Shortly afterwards, someone phoned me and cheered me up.

I have SA myself so I have an idea of how you feel. Let me say that sometimes I have to go out when I hate the idea and end up having a good time, even enjoying the social interaction. Your Friday plan looked like a great way to spend the day. I bet that you would have enjoyed it.

You should remember that people say stupid things. Throwaway comments. Unintentionally hurtful comments. People like us can be more sensitive than others to these comments. Easier said than done, we need to remember to ignore them.

So, do what you need to do to get over these slight blips and you should have a great future.

[dedalus]

Hi Annnaa,

I am sorry to hear about your troubles.


i'm supposed to be noisy, talkative, funny...

I can appreciate what you are saying. In social situations people can be expected to be funny and entertaining and all that stuff - laughing at silly things etc. But, the reality is that not everybody is like that. Maybe you're an introvert. That's fine. Not everybody can be the life and soul of the party all of the time. Even some of the time.

I find myself that I find it a lot easier to meet people one person at a time. Sometimes even meeting a single person can be difficult for me also. In general I don't like being in a group. However, I accept now that this is how I am. I won't necessarily always be like this, but I probably will.

Like you, I am quite sensitive to what people say or do around me. I am sure that they generally don't mean any harm or insult though.



can anyone relate to this horrible, indescribable feeling?? please i need help

I think that I can. How are you doing now?

[ray.olsen]

Hi Annnaa,

That's the harsh reality I'm afraid, Not everyone seems to understand Social Anxiety. It's a fact that people like us who suffered from panic attacks or anxiety disorders have to live with. Try not to be so hard on yourself, just be proactive about it. There's no way we can control how others feel or think we can only have control over ourselves. Instead of worrying about what people don't understand just try to think about the ways you can improve your condition. Try to believe in your psychologist, they're there to help. Also don't think that you have no control over your mind. Of course you do, you just have to exercise it to strengthen the will. Don't give up hope.

[annnaa]

I think that I can. How are you doing now?

Thank you! it always feels relieving to know i'm not the only one who's like this. i used to think the opposite when i was 13, that i was literally the only person on this planet who felt this way. and i'm actually not doing ok :weep: the week started off really good on Monday, but Wednesday it suddenly got bad again. i felt uncomfortable during my piano class, in which i usually feel VERY comfortable. it's like the only place apart from my house where i can be my funny, talkative self. but i was questioning my mood way too much that day, so i ended up being awkward during this class. now i feel very bad :mad:

Xx anna