Insomnia with severe anxiety

[countrygirl]

I have always had health anxiety although in past couple of years this has improved greatly or so I thought! I have always had anxiety issues around sleeping as this ties in with my greatest fear of being alone, If you are awake in the night its very lonely place to be.
For nearly a year I have been fine, never a good sleeper but nothing unusual. A week ago I suddenly one night went to bed and when I hadn't fallen asleep within an hour I had severe anxiety ( crying, panicking, feeling totally out of control and hating myself, terrified that I would never ever sleep again). I always have a weeks worth of sleeping pills in just in case and had these unopened for past year.
I hoped that as has happened in the past taking a pill for a couple of nights would be all that was needed but a week later and I am getting worse not better.
I hate taking the pills because of all the dangers and know that I cannot keep taking them. I bought some nytol but they don't have much effect.

So every night I go to bed so tired I can hardly see straight but then just can't drop off to sleep because I am so rigid with terror, my bowles are churning and I have to have a bowel movement ( this only started with this severe anxiety) and then I have a complete meltdown and cry for about another hour or so. I then either take a sleeping pill or a nytol and if a sleeping pill I fall asleep and sleep for 5 hrs but feel dreadful next day and if a nytol then may take me another 2 hrs to fall asleep and end up with only 3 hrs sleep.

I have a wonderful husband who is very supportive but hate what I am doing to him.

I have appt with my GP on Wed as I will run out of sleeping pills but he is very hardline on them. 3 years ago I went through as similar episode and tried mitrazapine but had horrific side effects and had to stop after a week - then suddenly the intense panic and anxiety was gone.

CAn anyone relate and any ideas to help please. When I am such severe anxiety state I worry I will self harm although never felt suicidal. In the daytime I feel much better until evening when I start panicking about nighttime.

[ana]

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so badly at the moment. I sometimes worry that if I don't get enough sleep, I'll be tired the following day, I'll do myself some kind of harm, and so I have trouble falling asleep at night because of all the pressure I put on myself. I don't understand where this fear is coming from as I'm not suicidal, nor have I ever self-harmed.

Perhaps if you've had health issues in the past, this is your mind's way of trying to keep you safe and healthy...

Something that I've found works for me is counting my exhalations down from one thousand. I usually fall asleep at around no. 800. Also, I sometimes say to myself 'okay, I'm not going to fall asleep. I'll try my best to stay awake...' I do a little reverse self-psychology :)

[countrygirl]

Thanks for that = I can imagine it working. Someone told me to keep my eyes open because its really hard when you are so tired so will try this as well. Anything to keep that overwhelming panic at bay.

[ana]

Sure, and also, I've recently discovered ASMR videos on YouTube. There's a channel called ASMRGAINS where you can find a video called 'scalp and shoulder massage for sleep and relaxation'. I found it very relaxing. Listening to binaural beats helps as well. There are many sleep-inducing tracks you can listen to if you wanted.

I hope you get a good night's sleep! :)

[countrygirl]

Ive heard of binaural beats but haven't actually heard any. will have to google!

[ana]

I like this one

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQ6xgDI7Whc

[countrygirl]

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so badly at the moment. I sometimes worry that if I don't get enough sleep, I'll be tired the following day, I'll do myself some kind of harm, and so I have trouble falling asleep at night because of all the pressure I put on myself. I don't understand where this fear is coming from as I'm not suicidal, nor have I ever self-harmed.

Perhaps if you've had health issues in the past, this is your mind's way of trying to keep you safe and healthy...

Something that I've found works for me is counting my exhalations down from one thousand. I usually fall asleep at around no. 800. Also, I sometimes say to myself 'okay, I'm not going to fall asleep. I'll try my best to stay awake...' I do a little reverse self-psychology :)

I did this last night and fell asleep quite quickly and did it everytime I woke up. Its normal for me to wake up every few hours. So not sure if it was just total exhaustion or your trick works, time will tell but thanks for this:hugs:

[ana]

I'm so glad to hear my trick worked on you! :)

You're very welcome, and I hope you get better by the day (and the night ;))

Take care :hugs:

[countrygirl]

Arggh Ana , it didn't work last night. Could have counted backwards from a million but was still awake at 3am. Took a nytol and then fell asleep.

I have Drs apt today plus phone call from mental health person.

I am so angry with myself for not being able to conquer this when so many of my friends have very serious health issues they are dealing with.
( I have 4 friends and 1 relative all having cancer treatments at moment)

[ana]

Oh dear, I'm really sorry to hear you didn't manage to fall asleep without having taken Nytol. :(

Do you do any relaxation techniques before going to bed? I reckon it's because you are so fixated on falling asleep, it's causing you so much stress that your adrenaline goes through the roof, and you can't possibly relax...
Physical exercise does the trick for me. Last night, an hour or so before going to bed a did a HIIT routine that left me exhausted so I fell asleep faster than usual.

Please don't beat yourself up over it. I, too, am guilty of being frustrated with myself not not being able to conquer my anxiety when so many other people are struggling with serious health issues, like you've mentioned in your post. The bottom line is, we didn't ask for this to happen to us, much like the people who have something wrong with them physically didn't ask for it too. At one point, something in our mental functioning went awry, and the only thing we need to do now is try and figure out how to get back to how things were. Remember, any achievement, no matter how small, is a step towards recovery. It may not be a straightforward route, or indeed a particularly easy one, but we'll get there eventually. You can't rush it by forcing yourself to get to the finish line. Be gentle on yourself :)

[countrygirl]

Thanks Ana. Saw my usual Dr who I expected to be unsympathetic but he was great. When I explained my panic reaction he said " you and me both" so maybe that was why he was so sympathetic! He said alot of people react exactly same to not sleeping its just that no one talkes about it other than to their Dr's.
He also said not to feel guilty because as you have said I am not choosing to react like this, its not my fault.
He has given me 14 days of tempazepam and said to see if I can slowly reduce dose by cutting the pills in half etc over next few weeks. If no improvement then I have to go back.
At least he was very understanding.

[ana]

I'm glad you had a reassuring conversation with your doctor. Having someone else comfort you the way that he did must have made you feel better. It is true, lots of people struggle with the same issues, but because they don't talk about them, you feel like it's just you who struggles.

Perhaps you can try and see if you can incorporate something relaxing into your bedtime routine as you will then have something to fall back on when you've started reducing the dose, and won't feel as anxious.