Refusing extra work, weak from panic attacks, feeling guilty :(

[ana]

Last week, my boss asked me to cover for a colleague, and do some extra work. I thought I'd be able to do it so I said yes. However, last night, I couldn't sleep at all. I kept thinking about how difficult it is for me to do afternoon shifts, how I get tired easily because my anxiety levels are at its highest in the afternoon/evening, and I kept coming up with excuses as to how to not do the work... I woke up after 6 hours, exhausted from my thoughts, and I rang up my colleague to tell her that I wouldn't be able to cover for her this week, but could do so the following week. She seemed fine with it, but then I got a call from my boss asking me if I was ill or if I was unwilling to do the extra hours. I told him I had a doctor's appointment, but that I would be willing to do extra hours another time, and he said fine...

I'm utterly disappointed with myself now, as I feel as if I've let my anxious thoughts influence my professional decisions. I can't allow myself to refuse to cover for my colleagues as I've only been at this workplace for a little over a year, and I think that my boss is keeping a close eye on me which is scaring me and causing me more stress. :(

I'm so tired of my anxiety taking the steering wheel away from me, and I've got a lump in my throat now as I'm feeling miserable and deflated. It's important for me to keep this job, to make a good impression, and to have more energy to do the extra work. Has anyone else's work suffered because of panic attacks?

[vicky23]

Hi ana,
I can relate to your situation of not feeling able to do extra work because anxiety is so draining emotionally and physically. I think we tend to focus on the negatives and 'mind read' what people are thinking when in actual fact they probably aren't seeing you in a bad light at all. Remember how well you are doing just by going to work at all.
Take care of yourself
X

[sial72]

Unfortunately, yes.
I even missed a great job opportunity out of fear, I didn't even give it a try :(
So I would recommend that you find ways to manage your anxiety. Have you read Claire Weekes?

[ana]

Thank you for your replies.
Vicky,you are absolutely right. Most of the time, we are afraid that people are seeing us in a bad light. I'm worried that my boss might think I'm lazy or uninterested in working for him, which simply isn't true. He seems like a reasonable person, and didn't sound cross with me when we spoke on the phone earlier today, but I'm still anxious about going in later on....
Going to work is an achievement in itself, I agree with you, Vicky.

Sial, I've noticed you mentioning Claire Weekes in a few posts on here. I've looked for her on You Tube and found a series of videos entitled 'panic programme'. However, I've not yet watched them all. Could you tell me how her work has helped you?