Anxiety meltdown with insomnia

[countrygirl]

I posted a few days ago about my sudden inability to fall asleep making me panic. Well its got worse! If I don't go to sleep in about 30 mins then major anxiety attack with rushing to loo ( poor bowels) and then me crying my eyes out for 2 hrs before giving in and taking either a sleeping pill or an over the counter nytol. Then if I am lucky 4-5 hr sleep.

I have appt with my Dr on Wednesday but he is a bit hardline with tablets. I can't take the anti anxiety anti d like mitrazapine as I have tried with horrific side effects.

I have not had this for about 2 years although I have had bad times int he past with exact same problem, for some reason I have never been able to alter my panic reaction to not sleeping. I have contacted my health authority self referral for mental health and someone is ringing me on Wednesday as well but doubt they will be much use but you never know.

My health anxiety has been huge amount better past year at least so this is a real setback for me.

I am posting because I feel so alone with this and need encouraging words from people who know what its like!

I have a lovely husband who is supportive but hate he has to put up with me:wacko:

[Crystalhiggs]

Hi, I replied to your post the other day and was wondering how you were. You sound just like I did a few months ago, just desperate. I also can't take medication due to awful side effects so have had to battle on through it.

You got over it before - how did you manage that?

What I've learnt (and it is in no way easy!) is to accept it. You will always sleep eventually. Sleep is natural, our bodies are designed to sleep. You will sleep naturally again just as You always have.

I remember panicking like crazy in the beginning. Now I don't because I won't drift off to sleep with all that adrenaline buzzing through me.

Most nights I now sleep well with the odd blip. And you will too. Have faith in yourself, believe you can do it and you absolutely will I promise! Xx

[countrygirl]

Thanks Crystal. I know that I have to get the right attitude before it will change proving its all in the mind. In the past this usually happens after a couple of weeks. I get worse and worse and then suddenly its as if I snap out of it and the acceptance comes as you say. It has in the past bounced back and forth over a few months before I go back to normal but every single time my panic is that this time its different and will never ever go away - sure you understand.

[Traceypo]

Hi hun, my mental health team sent me a relaxation cd which I'm finding useful. The candle watching is very relaxing.
I tell myself I'm going to have a good night sleep from early on in the evening, I've found through experience any thoughts of "I won't sleep" result in that becoming true.
Leave your phone, laptop or any other device alone at least an hour before bed. Find a book you'll enjoy nothing too exciting though.
Xxx

[swgrl09]

I agree about changing your thoughts regarding sleep. Something that has helped me is to not have any expectations about whether I will sleep or not. Because what's the worst that could happen? I stay awake all night, have a tired day, oh well. I've survived that before. No worse off than before with not sleeping.

I like to do bedtime yoga, diffuse some lavender sometimes also helps me relax. And if I drift off, great, if I don't, I try to just not let it bother me and think "Oh well, must not be tired." Not sleeping won't kill you - I remember you posted before about being afraid of that illness. You don't have it. I think it's about changing your attitude towards sleep and not sleeping.

[countrygirl]

I know I don't have the fatal insomnia illness and that this is just something that I get on and off, my fear is more that this time it won't get better on its own like it has done for past 35 years!

I love your attitude to being awake, I will try very hard to change my mindset.

[Traceypo]

https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.helpguide.org/articles/sleep/cant-sleep-insomnia-treatment.htm&ved=0CB0QFjABahUKEwjmtuDo173IAhWEzxQKHXbeDXk&usg=AFQjCNF4NGeiS9rBKxirGqAOA8uhAWcu8Q&sig2=VgPFn-quvFqCFSg_6yFagw

Try this link, it has some useful information about mindset further down xxx

[countrygirl]

Ana on the panic forum suggested that I try counting backwards from 1000 as this works for her and whether it did or I was just totally exhausted I don't know but last night I did the counting and fell asleep fairly quickly and when i woke up in the night as I always do I did it again and got back to sleep. Time will tell if it was just exhaustion but its not something I would have thought to try.

I am now trying not to think about tonight:wacko:

[Traceypo]

I do that, but instead I count backwards in 3's, so 1000, 997, 994 etc, I get myself that confused I forget what I was thinking about haha, just remember, you're going to have a good night's sleep. Sweet dreams xxx

[countrygirl]

Oh buttocks for want of a better word that will be allowed on here! I was still twiddling my thumbs at 3am this morning, despite counting backwards forwards and in groups of 7! I took nytol and did then fall asleep.

I have Dr app today and a phone call from a mental health person.

I am so angry with myself for not being able to conquer this as i have 4 friend and 1 relative dealing with cancer at the moment so feel so guilty that I am in such a panic about this given what they are going through.

[Traceypo]

Don't be too hard on yourself, you've obviously got a lot on your mind. Have you tried to exhaust yourself more during day.
It can take a while to get back into a sleep routine, I remember when my little one started sleeping through night, I still woke up at 4am for weeks after even though he was sound.
Xxx

[swgrl09]

I agree, you have a lot on your plate. The first step to shifting your attitude towards sleep is to try to be less critical of yourself for struggling. AKA cut yourself some slack. Be kind to yourself!

[countrygirl]

I know I know! During the day I can be totally logical about maybe not sleeping knowing that if I do a night without sleep then I will sleep with exhaustion but at 1am I just want to take a pill to put me to sleep. I haven't waited to see if I will fall asleep myself after once being awake all night.

[Traceypo]

After all my advice, I had a bad night last night. Probably not helped by stuffing my face with chocolate before bed. Got to sleep fine, woke up at 3.30 sweating, skin wasn't hot though. Once I'd convinced myself I wasn't having a heart attack, I got up, went to toilet and took 2 paracetamol. Got back to sleep for 4:15, but tired today which will impact on my anxiety.
Hate this vicious cycle, but I will break it!!!
Xx

[countrygirl]

Thankfully I slept as normal last night. I always wake up at least twice in the night and can take a little time to go back to sleep but this is normal for me.
I just had a thyroid blood test this morning to make sure i am not taking too much of my thryoxine. It was tested 3 months ago and was slowly heading towards the overactive end of the normal range so was worth seeing if gone further or not. Thyroid blood tests are so variable though as I remember having it done at Dr surgery and it was 1.2 and then a week later had it done in A&E and it was 3.4 which proves just how much it can alter on a day to day basis.

Traceypo hope tonight is a better one for you.

[Traceypo]

Me too, my therapist once said everyone has bad nights, not just anxiety sufferers and not to read too much into it.
Went to bed thinking of the poor toddler from Hartlepool who choked on a grape, think it was playing on my mind.
Xxx

[swgrl09]

Glad you finally got a good night's sleep, Countrygirl.

[HaroldMorse]

It is really important to control our thoughts and fears, when going to sleep...
I had bad health anxiety and sleeping issue, medicines and natural therapy made my life normal again..

[Crystalhiggs]

How are you doing Countrygirl? I've had an awful blip with 2 nights of very little sleep so finding it hard to take my own advice today! Hope you're sleeping a bit better x

[Iblametheparents]

I found St. John's wort helped my sleeping. You could try it if you're not on any other meds.

[countrygirl]

Touch wood for past 2 weeks I have been sleeping as I normally do. I have been taking 500mg of valerian every night. Not sure if it does any good but am happy with the placebo effect if nothing else!
I have not taken any of the sleeping pills my Dr gave me so hopefully I can spin them out for another 7-8 months which is what I usually do.
I have an appt for cbt in two weeks about my reaction to not sleeping.

Thanks for asking and fingers crossed I stay back to normal.