Just fancy a moan really...

[Pepperpot]

Hi all.
As some of you may know, this anxiety lark is pretty new to me. For those who don't, I started taking panic attacks in July. I also started a thread, but lately haven't really maintained it.
Anyway, I don't really have panic attacks anymore - it just seems to be there most of the time. At first, I spent most of my time in bed, and I kept being taken to hospital thinking I couldn't breathe. Now, I just have the feeling someone is strangling me. It gets so bad, that sometimes it feels like my eyes are popping out my head. At first, I thought it was some sort of indigestion, but now I am not so sure. However, I still pop Rennies for fun. The other physical symptom I get is breathlessness. Well I think it is - I feel (quite often) that I need to take much deeper breaths than normal, for no apparent reason. Is this something anyone can relate to? I find it quite unnerving (oh I get chest pain too, and light-headedness).
I recently started obsessing over my health, and my children's health. I have also developed a fear of dying, well more of a fear of "what will happen to my kids if I die". I constantly have thoughts like "my kids won't be here in such & such length of time", and I have visions of how upset I will be when that time happens. These thoughts are really freaking me out. I don't take medication as I tried and I failed, but I am really reconsidering it as I cannot cope with these thoughts any more. It's getting to the point where I am thinking would it not be better if I just died now quickly then I won't have to suffer the heartache of seeing tings happen to my kids.
I have therapy once a week, but I can't really see where it is going if I'm honest. I am just in a bit of a mess at the minute and I cannot seem to get myself out of it. I am constantly at the doctors with one thing or another - the latest is a lump on my boob and under my armpit (which I do have antibiotics for), but I would give him a huge list of ailments if I didn't feel so embarrassed to be like this.
I do feel like I have improved - well not improved as such but that things have shifted - for example, back in the day of the panic attacks I sat with my fingers on my pulse multiple times a day, I obsessed over the colour of my lips; were they too pale? Did it mean I was lacking oxygen? I also now drink orange juice - I wouldn't do this before as I was terrified I would have some sort of allergic reaction to citrus. I know everyone says that they would love to go back to normal, and I am no exception. I am sorry for the long post, but I just wanted to get this off my chest, and I feel like I can't really talk to anyone, because now I am not taking panic attacks as such, my family think I am back to normal. (I also am lucky in the fact I can still leave the house and do normal things). I feel like my only true friend is the internet, which is sad. Thanks to anyone who bothered to read this. x

[MyNameIsTerry]

Are these intrusive thoughts about your kids not being around, Pepperpot? If so, you need to remember that intrusive thoughts are well known elements of OCD and they are "ego-dystonic", the opposiye of your character and beliefs. Normally such thoughts tend to be about committing acts on others but when self directed we could equally say that they are also the opposite of true beliefs i.e. that your kids will outlast you and that the fear is irrational and a response to what scares you most because of your love for them. To reinforce this, if you know anything about POCD or harm based OCD, you will find these thoughts occur in people with deep connections to the subject of the thoughts e.g. a mother or father having sexually intrusive thoughts to abuse their child and guess what their reaction is? Shame, disgust, horror. They won't do anything as is well known in OCD because they love the subject more than anything. Couldn't that be said about your love for your children?

Anxiety is very much a journey. You resolve one thing and another pops up. You slide backwards, you jump forwards, etc. What you start out with is not always how it stays. You get worse and have more problems that dwarf or mask the original ones and sometimes these come back as you decrease the impact of the others.

So, have a rant, get it out. Thats what these places are for.

...and those antibiotics are a key sign things are ok too. Lymph nodes swell due to the detection of a localised infection. How many people do you see with HA posting about lymph nodes, particularily in the throat, and when they tell you more then mention colds, thorat infections, sore throats, issues with absesses and their teeth, gum problems, etc. All signs of potential infection that causes the lymph nodes close to the area to swell. Lymph nodes swell as part of the bodies normal immune response, they are supposed to do it.

[sial72]

Hi Pepperpot
I totally understand you, I could have written your post. The only difference is that I have got a real health issue which is making things so much worse :(
I following Claire Weekes, not easy but it does help so much. I you read her book Hope and Help for your nerves? Xx

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Pepperpot
I totally understand you, I could have written your post. The only difference is that I have got a real health issue which is making things so much worse :(
I following Claire Weekes, not easy but it does help so much. I you read her book Hope and Help for your nerves? Xx

But does she say "hello chucks" ? :winks:

[ricardo]

Pepperpot

You need several things addressing in simple language. I can fully relate to your current state of affairs. If you like, kindly message me.

[pulisa]

You sound as if you are suffering from hyperventilation syndrome which can bring about a whole range of uncomfortable symptoms. The way we breathe can be very significant in terms of anxiety management but concentrating on your breathing too much can also become an obsessive habit so it's a hard one to get right!

Moan away, Pepperpot! You need to get your feelings out into the cyberworld! x

[MyNameIsTerry]

God yes, pulisa. I've had issues with breathing from the start. Initially it was the typical partial panic but over time, and with worries about my asthma too, it turned into tensing my diaphragm and holding my breath.

It's gets to a point where you almost need retraining in how to breathe!

Breathing techniques can help. I find exercise is a good one too as it forces you to change how you breathe and concentrate less on it but it took a while because these symptoms tend to interfere and you worry about carrying on breathing whilst even walking. :doh:

[Pepperpot]

Cheers guys (and gals). I just feel so lost at the min, but when I read other people's problems I seem to be able to offer advice. Terry, it's like I will be thinking about decorating one of their bedrooms then I will think "but they won't be here much longer", then it panics me and I start crying, which can be quite embarrassing if I am out and about.x

[MyNameIsTerry]

Does it just seem to "pop" in there out of nowhere? If so, it's an intrusive thought. They feed off negative reactions, emotional ones too and the stronger the better. If you read on the OCD board you will see how some of us are going through them or have done.

Reacting is going to keep them going as the area of the brain on lookout for response only recognises the negative which makes sense since it's fight or flight and when would it be expecting a positive or neutral thought about that bear charging at us?!

Intrusive thoughts will fade as long as you accept that they are just thoughts. You don't have to accept the content on them to do this. Therapists do have people doing that too to remove the fear but just accepting them as thoughts that have no meaning does the same. It works. It did for me and others with OCD. Mindfulness realy helps with OCD in my opinion so it can help with thoughts like this as it teaches non judgemental observation in meditation and how to steer thoughts away from areas you don't want them to go into if they stray.

If the thoughts come from you in a conscious manner in that you are already thinking about something similiar and move into these thoughts, they are no intrusive ones. These can be linked to low mood or just negative thinking and you can challenge or accept them, etc like in CBT.

[Pepperpot]

Hi Terry - they are a mixture of both. I can sometimes be sat there dwelling and think like this, other times I can be fine and not thinking of anything in the slightest and then my stomach sinks and a thought pops into my head x

[MyNameIsTerry]

Hi Pepperpot,

I used to have the conscious ones about my parents with them being in their seventies. Part of it was about letting them down because the last they would see of me was an anxious person struggling to get through each day, a loser with no family of his own, etc and then it would drift onto not having kids and all the things expected of a man my age. It was a low mood thing for me with my thinking spiralling downwards. I've found this has reduced significantly now due to taking high strength Omega 3's (>1000mg EPA & DHA in my case) so perhaps look towards your mood and if that is causing this, try to resolve that in some way as it could help with this.

The intrusive ones obviously have this stomach sinking trigger. The key though is not to react negatively with your emotions and not to engage with it with negative thinking or you just reinforce it.

This is a simple example of the model:

http://psychology.tools/cognitive-model-of-ocd.html

Sounds easy, eh? It won't be at first but it does get easier and they start to fade. You can't get rid of intrusive thoughts, studies have proven that all people have them but it's how we react that is the problem. Other people will see them flash through and think "how weird" and move on or just not notice. Accept them as thoughts, you don't need to engage with the content or accept that (other than in a CBT style way).

Worries about your children are bound to be something all parents go through, well the good ones anyway. It's just that your anxiety sees it and intensifies it because you are more on alert for things.