Pepperpot
12-10-15, 21:00
Hi all.
As some of you may know, this anxiety lark is pretty new to me. For those who don't, I started taking panic attacks in July. I also started a thread, but lately haven't really maintained it.
Anyway, I don't really have panic attacks anymore - it just seems to be there most of the time. At first, I spent most of my time in bed, and I kept being taken to hospital thinking I couldn't breathe. Now, I just have the feeling someone is strangling me. It gets so bad, that sometimes it feels like my eyes are popping out my head. At first, I thought it was some sort of indigestion, but now I am not so sure. However, I still pop Rennies for fun. The other physical symptom I get is breathlessness. Well I think it is - I feel (quite often) that I need to take much deeper breaths than normal, for no apparent reason. Is this something anyone can relate to? I find it quite unnerving (oh I get chest pain too, and light-headedness).
I recently started obsessing over my health, and my children's health. I have also developed a fear of dying, well more of a fear of "what will happen to my kids if I die". I constantly have thoughts like "my kids won't be here in such & such length of time", and I have visions of how upset I will be when that time happens. These thoughts are really freaking me out. I don't take medication as I tried and I failed, but I am really reconsidering it as I cannot cope with these thoughts any more. It's getting to the point where I am thinking would it not be better if I just died now quickly then I won't have to suffer the heartache of seeing tings happen to my kids.
I have therapy once a week, but I can't really see where it is going if I'm honest. I am just in a bit of a mess at the minute and I cannot seem to get myself out of it. I am constantly at the doctors with one thing or another - the latest is a lump on my boob and under my armpit (which I do have antibiotics for), but I would give him a huge list of ailments if I didn't feel so embarrassed to be like this.
I do feel like I have improved - well not improved as such but that things have shifted - for example, back in the day of the panic attacks I sat with my fingers on my pulse multiple times a day, I obsessed over the colour of my lips; were they too pale? Did it mean I was lacking oxygen? I also now drink orange juice - I wouldn't do this before as I was terrified I would have some sort of allergic reaction to citrus. I know everyone says that they would love to go back to normal, and I am no exception. I am sorry for the long post, but I just wanted to get this off my chest, and I feel like I can't really talk to anyone, because now I am not taking panic attacks as such, my family think I am back to normal. (I also am lucky in the fact I can still leave the house and do normal things). I feel like my only true friend is the internet, which is sad. Thanks to anyone who bothered to read this. x
As some of you may know, this anxiety lark is pretty new to me. For those who don't, I started taking panic attacks in July. I also started a thread, but lately haven't really maintained it.
Anyway, I don't really have panic attacks anymore - it just seems to be there most of the time. At first, I spent most of my time in bed, and I kept being taken to hospital thinking I couldn't breathe. Now, I just have the feeling someone is strangling me. It gets so bad, that sometimes it feels like my eyes are popping out my head. At first, I thought it was some sort of indigestion, but now I am not so sure. However, I still pop Rennies for fun. The other physical symptom I get is breathlessness. Well I think it is - I feel (quite often) that I need to take much deeper breaths than normal, for no apparent reason. Is this something anyone can relate to? I find it quite unnerving (oh I get chest pain too, and light-headedness).
I recently started obsessing over my health, and my children's health. I have also developed a fear of dying, well more of a fear of "what will happen to my kids if I die". I constantly have thoughts like "my kids won't be here in such & such length of time", and I have visions of how upset I will be when that time happens. These thoughts are really freaking me out. I don't take medication as I tried and I failed, but I am really reconsidering it as I cannot cope with these thoughts any more. It's getting to the point where I am thinking would it not be better if I just died now quickly then I won't have to suffer the heartache of seeing tings happen to my kids.
I have therapy once a week, but I can't really see where it is going if I'm honest. I am just in a bit of a mess at the minute and I cannot seem to get myself out of it. I am constantly at the doctors with one thing or another - the latest is a lump on my boob and under my armpit (which I do have antibiotics for), but I would give him a huge list of ailments if I didn't feel so embarrassed to be like this.
I do feel like I have improved - well not improved as such but that things have shifted - for example, back in the day of the panic attacks I sat with my fingers on my pulse multiple times a day, I obsessed over the colour of my lips; were they too pale? Did it mean I was lacking oxygen? I also now drink orange juice - I wouldn't do this before as I was terrified I would have some sort of allergic reaction to citrus. I know everyone says that they would love to go back to normal, and I am no exception. I am sorry for the long post, but I just wanted to get this off my chest, and I feel like I can't really talk to anyone, because now I am not taking panic attacks as such, my family think I am back to normal. (I also am lucky in the fact I can still leave the house and do normal things). I feel like my only true friend is the internet, which is sad. Thanks to anyone who bothered to read this. x