There is light at the end of the tunnel!

[bertone902]

hi guys
to be honest im writing this just to try help everyone on here see that there is a light t the end of the tunnel , i havent signed on this site for around 2 years now and just been sat thinking about all the experiences i went throught over 3 long years with anxiety and depression !
( you should be able to fetch up on my profile all the questions i had posted in threads about how i was feeling ) first of all ill introduce myself im james from west yorkshire age 25 and suffered from anxiet and depression extremely badly a few years ago which lasted around 3 years none stop.

there is probably nothing that you can ask me symptoms wise that i didnt have!
i know some of you are reading this desperately trying to find an answer to get rid of how you are feeling and also spend hours and hours on google and many other forums researching the smallest symptom to desperately read that your going to be okay .
i know this because i did it myself , i would be laid there on the bed shaking going dizzy strange pains in my chest researching to try find help

i couldnt possibly write on this page how many symptoms i had and list them all !

headaches
feeling sick
dizzyness
strange vision
really strange thing like lying down and feeling like im going to pass out
scared of going anywhere thinking i may have a panic attack
legs going all wobbly

even the wierdest thing you have been experiencing i DID experience !

most of the time i was trying to reassure myself by asking on forums if people had the same symptoms just to make me no feel alone

ill be totally honest with you and say i cannot remember all the symptoms i had now its been 2 years as ive just totally got on with my life and blanked it out
but by no means was it easy !!!

depression seemed to be the worst for me ,,, the worst feeling ive ever experienced in my life which unfortunatley working with he anxiety to try drag me down even more ( i didnt think it was possible at that point !)

the feeling of helplessness the feeling of not being able to look forward to the next 10 minutes never mind look into 10 years !

ive met a lot of new friends having a mental health issue and i cannot thank them enough as they was there for me more than my actual friends

i see how it does help having people with you who have the same problems !!

im not a good story teller as you guys reading this may have guessed so far but im just trying to put into words my experience in the hopes it will help you guys somehow !

right so as of now 12 oct 2015 i can finally say i am anxiety and depression free !!:yesyes:

the way i did this was i was laid in bed one day crying my eyes out wanting everything to just stop , thoughts running through my head not wanting to be here no longer etc etc , really dark thoughts too !

then after a while

i generally just though to myself i am totally sick to death of this !

youve beaten me up too much .... been off work too long ... youve made my life a living hell for the past 3 years !! ive lie to people and made excuses as to why i cant do things with them! ..... ive put my life on hold for all of this and getting absolutley nowhere !.... only to dig myself into a deeper bottomless pit !

ID HAD ENOUGH!!:lac:

i forced myself to loose all fear in anxiety
i forced myself to say COME ON THEN MR ANXIETY ! LETS SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT WHEN I REFUSE TO PLAY THE GAME HOW YOU LIKE IT !
LETS SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT WHEN I ASK YOU TO COME BACK MORE AND MORE ! I WANT YOU TO DO YOUR BEST ON ME!!

WHAT DID I HAVE TO LOOSE?? I was already beaten up
i was allrady laid in bed shaking going lightheaded thinking i was going to die !
i was allready depressed thinking that there wasnt any hope!

AN OH YES IT CAME BACK ! mr im so scary anxiety came back ,
i went more lightheaded blood rushed everywhere ....

then

normally i would have gave in at this point ......

NOT THIS TIME !

IS THAT ALL YOU GOT ?? REALLY !

I ASKED FOR MORE!

then....

a really strange thing happened!!!!

something that never happened before


ITS ALL DISSAPEARED !
:scared15:

was it coincidence??

i felt normal again!

:yahoo:

you guys will know what i mean when i say you feel absolutely shattered after a panic attack and spout of depression,,
well yes that happened
on that note still shocked that it went away i dosed off to sleep

the next morning it came back ...

off we go again lets fight !!

round 2 !!

same thing again !! went away i felt fine for a while

this went of for weeks but getting easier and easier the more i didnt fear the anxiety coming back ...
the more i avoided the situations the more it came back
the more i asked for it to get worse it did but went away and got shorter and shorter as the months went on ...

suddenly my depression was decreasing too at the same time...

panic feeds on panic so welcome it with open arms and this tough guy who thinks he decides how to live your life suddenly doesnt have any ammunition to a hold of you no more !!

no im not saying that its easy ! NOT BY FAR ! but i had had enought !

i still kept in touch with everyone but i spent more time doing the things i used to enjoy steo by step every day untill i got to the point of today
writing this !
ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION FREE !

NO DOUBT I STILL HAVE THE ODD ''OFF DAY'

ALSO I AM MEDICATION FREE TOO AS AT THE TIME I WAS TAKING CITALOPRAM AND PROZAC ALONG WITH A FEW BETABLOCKERS!

i do not douubt for a minute that medication did help

but i will say that i genuinely do believe NOW that the true way to rid of anxiety and depression IS TO CHANGE YOUR MIND STATE ! medication helps in so many ways but to truly rid it all you need to change the way you think !

THE POWER OF YOUR MIND AND HOPE IS SOOOOOO MUCH MORE POWERFULL !!

here is a video i used to help me get motivated and i do hope it helps you guys too

PLEASE WATCH I MAY HELP YOU LIKE ME !! i really hope it does !!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbaqKGH4t94

thankyou all for reading
sorry im no storyteller but felt the need to share with you guys as i know how your feeling !!

you guys ever want to message me or anything i will help you anyway i can :)

[sial72]

Thank you soooo much for sharing! Congrats to you, it is so hard to do but that really is the way forward xx

[sandie]

Hi Bertone - and thanks for posting your story.

I've watched the YouTube clip and it contains a powerful message which is not actually spoken until the end of the clip ...."When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change..."

Of course this is the premise of CBT. Meds have a place in dealing with anxiety and depression. But I am beginning to think CBT is a much more powerful tool.

I have had almost 5 weeks on Sertraline - started on 50 mg, then on 75 mg. Have had the most awful side-effects and my sleep is dreadful - almost non-existent. This of course means that my days are non-productive, my mood is low, I just want to sit around watching rubbish TV. I have become agoraphobic.

I have had all of the horrible side effects of the meds without the benefits, so my GP suggested last week I switch to another med. I told her I wanted to think about it. The other med (Mirtrazipine), although it might help with the sleep issue, has other side effects -including considerable weight gain.

So on Saturday I decided to stop ALL meds (not much point in taking them if they are not going to do me any good), and immediately dropped down to 25 mg of Sertraline. Today will be my first day without meds. I know it is very quick - but I have made the decision to stop. I had little real sleep last night, but lay in bed this morning and decided to 'face my fears' - to get on with stuff - to some extent what will be, will be. Constantly worrying about "what if" means that you are not living the actual day but always worrying about the future.

I am backing this up with a therapist who practices both hypnosis and CBT. We haven't started the CBT just yet, but I always leave her sessions feeling calm.

I read online last night that the CBT has a higher success rate of reduced repeat episodes of anxiety and depression, and that meds help as a 'crutch' to get them through a difficult time, but aren't addressing the reasons for our anxiety and depression. Until we address them and attempt to deal with them, they will keep resurfacing.

Mark Twain said "... I have had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened ..."

[sial72]

Sandie, good luck, you can do it!! X

[jayb1]

I read the post by bertone yesterday and although I'm so made up for him that he has recovered it has left me feeling very depressed. Last week I tried that approach and said to myself right that's it I have had enough of you and had 3 reasonably OK days, still had the panic attacks and extreme anxiety , but didn't rush to take a diazepam when it started. Started to think this is it I'm the boss then whoooof back with a vengeance. Panic after panic feeling just awful all day. I've given myself 2 days of poor me pity and I am trying again today to fight and am finding it so hard. Thoroughly miserable and just can't shake it off. It's like having a little imp sitting on my shoulder saying you're useless , you're not strong enough, you can't even leave the house what are you frightened of stupid. Then I realise that imp is me, that's how I think of myself. I really can't see a glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel . why can't I do it?

[Fishmanpa]

Great post! I've said this many times here... Sometimes you have to get to the point where you say... "NO MORE... ENOUGH!"... and then take action to help yourself. It truly comes down to a personal choice and decision to help yourself. No amount of reassurance, encouragement or advice matters unless you put in the work and be willing to step off the edge on faith but sometimes you have no other choice. Otherwise you stay the same.

So yes, the journey to the end of the valley is difficult but to those who put in the effort, it's achievable.

Congratulations on having the inner fortitude to take the steps to healing.

Positive thoughts

[jayb1]

Back to my fighting self today. Panic attacks are an IT. IT is not stronger than me . IT has controlled me long enough. Medication will still be a part of my life for now. Given time I will be the new and improved version of me! I'm expecting bumps and hurdles along the way. Like bertone said " come on give me your best"

[mikey2695]

I needed this man. I was going very well for most of this year, but the last two weeks have been horrible. Depression, and now horrible anxiety. Gonna get help before it gets any worse.