youdontknowme
13-10-15, 09:26
Hey, guys. I know it's been while since I've logged on. My life's been pretty full and happy lately, but I have an issue that I don't know how to deal with. It's not a new issue so much as it is a recurring one. My brother is mentally ill in more ways than one. He thinks that people are stalking him constantly and gets caught in obsessive thought loops surrounding arbitrary occurrences. He's never really gotten to the bottom of it. He was seeing a psychiatrist who thought he may have OCD, among some other possibilities. I encourage him to go back to seeing a psychiatrist, but he doesn't think there's anything truly wrong with him. He just accepts his delusions as truth about 80% of the time.
The other major issue is that he has an incredibly, powerfully addictive personality. I've seen him hit rock bottom a few times. It may sound harsh, but I am not particularly torn apart by his addictive and mental issues anymore. I haven't given up on him, I just don't allow myself to invest in the idea that he's about to be "all better" any time soon. I've accepted that this is where he is. It doesn't really hurt me anymore. At the same time, I want to do my best to avoid enabling him in any sense. Sometimes I worry that I'm crossing a blurry line.
I never provide him with any money and I never buy him alcohol, but sometimes we're hanging out with friends and he drinks a little in front of me. I don't always say anything about it if I already know he's drinking again. I try to save my talks with him for private settings where I can communicate how I see his alcoholism affecting him. I also try to alert my parents if I know he's drinking again or consistently falling into drug use.
There have also been a few instances where he came by to pick me up after I'd been drinking with friends. For me, alcohol is not a problem. I've never been black out drunk. I am, by and large, a social drinker, save for the occasional beer or two at home. No one has ever raised any concern about my moderate alcohol consumption. I can take it or leave it. Maybe I should really try to leave it if I know he's going to be around during or after its consumption. What do you think?
The psychiatrist thought it would be good if he quit marijuana for an extended period to see if his mental issues got any better. I am a recreational/social smoker, so sometimes we're hanging out with friends and I smoke when he is around... I don't provide him with weed, but I wonder if smoking it in front of him isn't the best idea... or maybe I'm just overthinking. I feel sort of guilty about it. I wonder if I should refuse marijuana when he's around... but it's also hard to say if the marijuana use is really that big of an issue. It may or may not be affecting his mental illness negatively.
The main problem is really that my Mom gives him free reign over her debit card. I've tried to argue with her in the past that it's not at all wise to offer your addict son access to your funds, but she somehow doesn't understand how this "helpful" behavior is actually enabling him to purchase alcohol etc.
Truth be told, I'm pretty exhausted from years of dealing with this. When I was in high school I was completely overwhelmed with fear when he became addicted to pills and began threatening suicide. If I recall correctly my Mom gave him money, which he used to purchase pills. I told them how serious the situation was. They talked to him... that's about it.
He's relapsed on so many substances and been so much worse off so many times that I am all out of energy to deal with it. I don't even feel like I should be the person to deal with it, but sometimes my parents make me feel like I am, somehow. They'll accuse me of "letting" him do things. I can't really "let" my older brother do things. I can tell him I don't think it's a good idea, I can refuse to drive him to buy alcohol or drugs, and I can refuse to give him money... but that's about all that is in my power.
If I were them, I'd give him some tough love; an ultimatum. No more debit cards. He either starts getting some serious help and stays sober, or he's out of the house and on his own. I love my brother, but I really think it's what he needs. Years of babying haven't done a lick of good. He's heading right back to square 1 all over again. If he gets back into mixing pills, hard drugs, and alcohol, he might not come out of it ever again. It's a scary thought. He needs a kick in the ass; a kick in the ass that I simply do not have the authority to provide.
I know that I can't fix him, but sometimes I feel guilty and like I could be doing better. What do you guys think? Could I be doing more?
I know that this was a rambling post. This is a complex issue that's built up for years, so this is only the half of it. I tried to cut it down to a reasonably fine point.
The other major issue is that he has an incredibly, powerfully addictive personality. I've seen him hit rock bottom a few times. It may sound harsh, but I am not particularly torn apart by his addictive and mental issues anymore. I haven't given up on him, I just don't allow myself to invest in the idea that he's about to be "all better" any time soon. I've accepted that this is where he is. It doesn't really hurt me anymore. At the same time, I want to do my best to avoid enabling him in any sense. Sometimes I worry that I'm crossing a blurry line.
I never provide him with any money and I never buy him alcohol, but sometimes we're hanging out with friends and he drinks a little in front of me. I don't always say anything about it if I already know he's drinking again. I try to save my talks with him for private settings where I can communicate how I see his alcoholism affecting him. I also try to alert my parents if I know he's drinking again or consistently falling into drug use.
There have also been a few instances where he came by to pick me up after I'd been drinking with friends. For me, alcohol is not a problem. I've never been black out drunk. I am, by and large, a social drinker, save for the occasional beer or two at home. No one has ever raised any concern about my moderate alcohol consumption. I can take it or leave it. Maybe I should really try to leave it if I know he's going to be around during or after its consumption. What do you think?
The psychiatrist thought it would be good if he quit marijuana for an extended period to see if his mental issues got any better. I am a recreational/social smoker, so sometimes we're hanging out with friends and I smoke when he is around... I don't provide him with weed, but I wonder if smoking it in front of him isn't the best idea... or maybe I'm just overthinking. I feel sort of guilty about it. I wonder if I should refuse marijuana when he's around... but it's also hard to say if the marijuana use is really that big of an issue. It may or may not be affecting his mental illness negatively.
The main problem is really that my Mom gives him free reign over her debit card. I've tried to argue with her in the past that it's not at all wise to offer your addict son access to your funds, but she somehow doesn't understand how this "helpful" behavior is actually enabling him to purchase alcohol etc.
Truth be told, I'm pretty exhausted from years of dealing with this. When I was in high school I was completely overwhelmed with fear when he became addicted to pills and began threatening suicide. If I recall correctly my Mom gave him money, which he used to purchase pills. I told them how serious the situation was. They talked to him... that's about it.
He's relapsed on so many substances and been so much worse off so many times that I am all out of energy to deal with it. I don't even feel like I should be the person to deal with it, but sometimes my parents make me feel like I am, somehow. They'll accuse me of "letting" him do things. I can't really "let" my older brother do things. I can tell him I don't think it's a good idea, I can refuse to drive him to buy alcohol or drugs, and I can refuse to give him money... but that's about all that is in my power.
If I were them, I'd give him some tough love; an ultimatum. No more debit cards. He either starts getting some serious help and stays sober, or he's out of the house and on his own. I love my brother, but I really think it's what he needs. Years of babying haven't done a lick of good. He's heading right back to square 1 all over again. If he gets back into mixing pills, hard drugs, and alcohol, he might not come out of it ever again. It's a scary thought. He needs a kick in the ass; a kick in the ass that I simply do not have the authority to provide.
I know that I can't fix him, but sometimes I feel guilty and like I could be doing better. What do you guys think? Could I be doing more?
I know that this was a rambling post. This is a complex issue that's built up for years, so this is only the half of it. I tried to cut it down to a reasonably fine point.