em1305
13-10-15, 11:03
Hi guys, it's a huge step for me joining this forum, and I hope it'll be useful to me and maybe I can help others too.
I don't know exactly what I suffer from, I went through years of severe depression and anxiety as a child and teenager so I feel a little de-sensitized to it, because I spent years not knowing what was wrong or how wrong it was.
I have previously been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but I detest going to the doctors and also telling people how I really feel because it never feels like people understand (something I'm sure most of you are familiar with!) So I've never known the extent.
I tried counselling twice, both times I only managed one session before not going back. I've also been on anti-depressants, which messed me up so much I immediately came off them.
I'm 24 now, and it's gotten to the point where I feel completely cut off from reality. I can't get out of my own head. I have self harmed and attempted suicide years ago, but when I was around 19, I thought I'd pulled myself out of depression. Then I went into a relationship with my partner at 22, and after about 6 months I began to feel muddled again. Now we live together and I don't know what's what.
I feel like I can't really feel anymore. I cry, I function (most days) but I can't connect to anything. I get annoyed a lot at stupid things, but I can also waste a whole day on the sofa without giving it a second thought.
This has to change, I can't live like this, I can't even work out what makes me happy anymore. A lot of the time, I question whether or not I even have the capacity to feel happiness anymore.
Basically, I don't want to go to the doctors. I've tried that, and it doesn't work for me. I know I have at least some anxiety and at least some depression, but I just can't tell how severe it is anymore, and I can't focus to find my way back to where I was at 19 again.
If anyone has any advice, I'd be really grateful.
I'd like to add that as far as I can tell, I'm not suicidal - sometimes I'll wish I hadn't been born in the first place, or if I didn't wake up it wouldn't be so bad, but I'm not actively self harming or anything.
I don't know exactly what I suffer from, I went through years of severe depression and anxiety as a child and teenager so I feel a little de-sensitized to it, because I spent years not knowing what was wrong or how wrong it was.
I have previously been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but I detest going to the doctors and also telling people how I really feel because it never feels like people understand (something I'm sure most of you are familiar with!) So I've never known the extent.
I tried counselling twice, both times I only managed one session before not going back. I've also been on anti-depressants, which messed me up so much I immediately came off them.
I'm 24 now, and it's gotten to the point where I feel completely cut off from reality. I can't get out of my own head. I have self harmed and attempted suicide years ago, but when I was around 19, I thought I'd pulled myself out of depression. Then I went into a relationship with my partner at 22, and after about 6 months I began to feel muddled again. Now we live together and I don't know what's what.
I feel like I can't really feel anymore. I cry, I function (most days) but I can't connect to anything. I get annoyed a lot at stupid things, but I can also waste a whole day on the sofa without giving it a second thought.
This has to change, I can't live like this, I can't even work out what makes me happy anymore. A lot of the time, I question whether or not I even have the capacity to feel happiness anymore.
Basically, I don't want to go to the doctors. I've tried that, and it doesn't work for me. I know I have at least some anxiety and at least some depression, but I just can't tell how severe it is anymore, and I can't focus to find my way back to where I was at 19 again.
If anyone has any advice, I'd be really grateful.
I'd like to add that as far as I can tell, I'm not suicidal - sometimes I'll wish I hadn't been born in the first place, or if I didn't wake up it wouldn't be so bad, but I'm not actively self harming or anything.