Stu1980
13-10-15, 13:06
Hi All
It's been a long time since I posted so a big hello to old and new posters :D
I'm a male in a same-sex relationship and after 3 years of badgering by my HIV negative partner, I'm about to take a HIV test and, to put it mildly, I'm absolutely terrified. Even the though of taking the test makes my heart race, palms sweat and stomach churn. Now although I am in a same sex relationship and have been with other guys in the past, I have generally played safe. I have slipped up once (a stupid, stupid mistake in my early 20s) but know that the guy is negative. After that, I was in a long term relationship until 2009 and have been with my current partner since 2012.
Despite all of this, my health anxiety is killing me and I wonder 'what if?'. Now I know that HIV isn't a death sentence these days and I keep telling myself that if I do test positive, its not the end of the world and easily controlled. I have several friends who are positive and who area leading healthy, happy lives as a result. My battle is with my brain I guess. ARGHHHH!!! Good old health anxiety eh? :wacko:
My partner got tested 3-months after we got together and assumed I would do the same. I just haven't been able to get myself to a position where I can physically walk through the door of a STD clinic and get the finger prick test. I even ordered a home testing kit and kept it in my drawer until beyond the use by date. I'm so ashamed that I've not been able to do this and my partner has now given me an ultimatum - get the test of we split up. He's quite within his right to say that - God knows I owe it to him to get a test (and I owe it to myself too). It's just a shame it's taken me so long.
So anyway, I have an appointment next Tuesday evening. I feel sick to my stomach (easing slightly with the use of calming tablets which I picked up from Boots at lunchtime).:weep:
If anyone has any words of wisdom to share, please do and certainly I'll let you know the outcome of the result on Tuesday. :unsure:
Stu x
It's been a long time since I posted so a big hello to old and new posters :D
I'm a male in a same-sex relationship and after 3 years of badgering by my HIV negative partner, I'm about to take a HIV test and, to put it mildly, I'm absolutely terrified. Even the though of taking the test makes my heart race, palms sweat and stomach churn. Now although I am in a same sex relationship and have been with other guys in the past, I have generally played safe. I have slipped up once (a stupid, stupid mistake in my early 20s) but know that the guy is negative. After that, I was in a long term relationship until 2009 and have been with my current partner since 2012.
Despite all of this, my health anxiety is killing me and I wonder 'what if?'. Now I know that HIV isn't a death sentence these days and I keep telling myself that if I do test positive, its not the end of the world and easily controlled. I have several friends who are positive and who area leading healthy, happy lives as a result. My battle is with my brain I guess. ARGHHHH!!! Good old health anxiety eh? :wacko:
My partner got tested 3-months after we got together and assumed I would do the same. I just haven't been able to get myself to a position where I can physically walk through the door of a STD clinic and get the finger prick test. I even ordered a home testing kit and kept it in my drawer until beyond the use by date. I'm so ashamed that I've not been able to do this and my partner has now given me an ultimatum - get the test of we split up. He's quite within his right to say that - God knows I owe it to him to get a test (and I owe it to myself too). It's just a shame it's taken me so long.
So anyway, I have an appointment next Tuesday evening. I feel sick to my stomach (easing slightly with the use of calming tablets which I picked up from Boots at lunchtime).:weep:
If anyone has any words of wisdom to share, please do and certainly I'll let you know the outcome of the result on Tuesday. :unsure:
Stu x