Westielove
14-10-15, 12:20
So it seems my HA is back! For those who haven't read my previous posts, I had a huge anxiety of HIV for 3 years after an unprotected albeit low risk encounter (I am a 30 year old woman who has had unprotected sex once and oral once) This phobia built up to incredible heights and finally I managed to drag my(Valium-loaded)self to the test centre to face my fear. It came back negative!
The problem is, after a couple of months of Anxiety free bliss, I feel I am right back where I started :(
It started to creep back in after I discovered a lump under my armpit (moveable lymph node) and for some crazy reason I STILL attributed it to HIV, despite my negative results. I started to doubt the efectiveness of the test. I also realised that due to the hysterical state I was in whilst getting tested, I didn't even ask what type of test it was..all I know is it was a rapid test.
So the straw that finally broke the camel's back (and broke me down) was that I accidentally came across an article today which was surveying the gay community about their knowledge/awareness of HIV. It mentioned something called 'Undectectable Viral Load' which from what I understood is where the levels are so low that they can go undetected. So of course now I am thinking 'what if?'
Does anyone know anything about this and whether it would be possible for me to 'harbour' the virus for many years without it being detected??
Just when I thought I was out of the woods, that familiar old stomach churning, heart racing, shivering, dizzying feeling that we all know too well, came crashing down on me again 😔
The problem is, after a couple of months of Anxiety free bliss, I feel I am right back where I started :(
It started to creep back in after I discovered a lump under my armpit (moveable lymph node) and for some crazy reason I STILL attributed it to HIV, despite my negative results. I started to doubt the efectiveness of the test. I also realised that due to the hysterical state I was in whilst getting tested, I didn't even ask what type of test it was..all I know is it was a rapid test.
So the straw that finally broke the camel's back (and broke me down) was that I accidentally came across an article today which was surveying the gay community about their knowledge/awareness of HIV. It mentioned something called 'Undectectable Viral Load' which from what I understood is where the levels are so low that they can go undetected. So of course now I am thinking 'what if?'
Does anyone know anything about this and whether it would be possible for me to 'harbour' the virus for many years without it being detected??
Just when I thought I was out of the woods, that familiar old stomach churning, heart racing, shivering, dizzying feeling that we all know too well, came crashing down on me again 😔