Mark501
15-10-15, 01:19
Firstly, I'd like to praise the owners of this site and those who use it. Networking is sometimes really helpful. I'm here to essentially 'vent'
I'm a psychologist. I don't practice but I have a PhD, and have been involved in a lot of research. I'm not going to offer anymore a miracle cure, so don't get your hopes up.
I've been suffering from generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), parented by health anxiety, for a few years now. Oh the irony, right? Well all I can say is that doctors get colds too! On a serious note, however, this controls my life, or at least a decent chunk of it before it goes into 'remission'. My health anxiety is the worst. I don't so much freak out over bodily sensations or the odd pimple, rather it's the fear of what isn't causing me symptoms that could be harming me that drives me crazy. The unknown is a terrifying place to be for the HA sufferer. I'll often talk myself into getting tested for things, even if there's a complete absence of rationale behind getting it done. Ring any bells? Borderlining diabetes can show no symptoms. I confirm this from various sources and so therefore believe that I should be tested, because I might have it. No one has proved I don't have it after all - I get tired at times when I normally shouldn't, and drink too much Pepsi - so it's a possibility, no, a likelihood! Now, being someone who understands mental health from a theoretical viewpoint, it doesn't spare me the utter irrationality I possess as a result of my anxiety, and believe me I know it's irrational, but don't we all? I know it's stupid, and I confirm it to myself, but it's an addiction. Just because you know you have a headache doesn't stop it from hurting.
I've spoken to anxiety sufferers, particularly those with OCD. It amazed me to hear from so many sufferers that they choose to live with it, but why? Because of the stigma and desensitisation attached to our condition --' Everyone has their quirks and gets depressed at times', they'd say. But these people coped with their struggles for months and years, without help. One day, I asked an OCD sufferer why they only seeked help 2 yrs later. He simply said 'because I became sick and tired of being sick and tired. Sick and tired I lived with, but not this'.
I have become sick and tired of being sick and tired now. So I very reluctantly procured myself some SSRIs from the doctor, which I hate. Does anyone have that feeling when they wake up, initially contented, but then realises that you can't be happy today because you know the anxiety will kick in at some point, so therefore shouldn't even bother to try being happy? I do. I lived like this for years. It becomes an acceptable habit, a way of life. Lived in perpetual fear of the anxiety itself. Then I found myself getting angry. Angry at the thing holding me back. I soon stopped caring about my condition, but rather grew tired of being so sick and tired, and that's what I am.
I've read a few of your threads. Getting treatment early is good. But for those who read these forums, and feel they can't get help, well I have a personal message for you. Your fears will one day go. But you'd have wasted years of your life before you became sick and tired of being sick and tired. And when that happens, you'll almost involuntarily get the help you always needed.
On the road to recovery. Wish me well. God bless
I'm a psychologist. I don't practice but I have a PhD, and have been involved in a lot of research. I'm not going to offer anymore a miracle cure, so don't get your hopes up.
I've been suffering from generalised anxiety disorder (GAD), parented by health anxiety, for a few years now. Oh the irony, right? Well all I can say is that doctors get colds too! On a serious note, however, this controls my life, or at least a decent chunk of it before it goes into 'remission'. My health anxiety is the worst. I don't so much freak out over bodily sensations or the odd pimple, rather it's the fear of what isn't causing me symptoms that could be harming me that drives me crazy. The unknown is a terrifying place to be for the HA sufferer. I'll often talk myself into getting tested for things, even if there's a complete absence of rationale behind getting it done. Ring any bells? Borderlining diabetes can show no symptoms. I confirm this from various sources and so therefore believe that I should be tested, because I might have it. No one has proved I don't have it after all - I get tired at times when I normally shouldn't, and drink too much Pepsi - so it's a possibility, no, a likelihood! Now, being someone who understands mental health from a theoretical viewpoint, it doesn't spare me the utter irrationality I possess as a result of my anxiety, and believe me I know it's irrational, but don't we all? I know it's stupid, and I confirm it to myself, but it's an addiction. Just because you know you have a headache doesn't stop it from hurting.
I've spoken to anxiety sufferers, particularly those with OCD. It amazed me to hear from so many sufferers that they choose to live with it, but why? Because of the stigma and desensitisation attached to our condition --' Everyone has their quirks and gets depressed at times', they'd say. But these people coped with their struggles for months and years, without help. One day, I asked an OCD sufferer why they only seeked help 2 yrs later. He simply said 'because I became sick and tired of being sick and tired. Sick and tired I lived with, but not this'.
I have become sick and tired of being sick and tired now. So I very reluctantly procured myself some SSRIs from the doctor, which I hate. Does anyone have that feeling when they wake up, initially contented, but then realises that you can't be happy today because you know the anxiety will kick in at some point, so therefore shouldn't even bother to try being happy? I do. I lived like this for years. It becomes an acceptable habit, a way of life. Lived in perpetual fear of the anxiety itself. Then I found myself getting angry. Angry at the thing holding me back. I soon stopped caring about my condition, but rather grew tired of being so sick and tired, and that's what I am.
I've read a few of your threads. Getting treatment early is good. But for those who read these forums, and feel they can't get help, well I have a personal message for you. Your fears will one day go. But you'd have wasted years of your life before you became sick and tired of being sick and tired. And when that happens, you'll almost involuntarily get the help you always needed.
On the road to recovery. Wish me well. God bless