Walkingonglass
15-10-15, 14:28
Hi Everyone.
I hope you are all well.
I am writing this with so many tears running down from my eyes. A massive lump in my throat. I havent eaten for days, and when I manage to fall asleep…I usually wake up at 05.00 am, as I am experiencing a panic attack. I have no where to go, and no one to speak to that even understand the concept of anxiety. So here I am. You guys are the only shoulder I have to lean on, so please bare with me.
I have read many of the posts on this thread, and I truly empathize with you all.
I have also read many posts on various forums about anxiety making you doubt the emotions you feel for ur other half...and those emotions fading..this must be one of the most terrifying emotions. I respect you all so much, and the battle you are going through.
For me, I am the partner of an individual who has anxiety. The reason why I am writing here is because I am mentally exhausted of trying to rationalize his behaviour to myself and trying to comfort myself when truly… I do not know whether I am kidding myself or not.
Me and my other half met 4 years ago. I can honestly say he is a very very different person from anyone I have ever met before. When we first met, we were 21 and from the moment he saw me, he was totally and completely in love with me. I did not feel the same, as it takes me a long time to feel strongly for someone. But, he did not ever want to stop trying. He kept going and going until I realised how in love with him I actually was. We were at university at the time, and I was an international student. Summer came along and I had to go back home for the summer holidays, which lasted from may until october. During that time, I was completely devoted and now loved him with all my soul. He has always been my first relationship and I have always been his. It was during this time I realised how much of a different person he really is. Before I continue, when we first met he told me that a few years ago he started university in another city prior to coming to the one we both went to. However, whilst being there he felt so out of his comfort zone, he stated that he could not relate to any of the people there as they were not the same origin as him and he felt like an outsider. Usually a person may feel like that for a while but then adapt to their environment, however he could not do this. He instead had a major anxiety attack and it resulted him having to move back home (where his comfort zone is).
Through out our relationship, I can honestly say that I have tried very very hard to be the best girlfriend I could have ever been. Any time his anxiey strikes up, I have been there for him without a doubt. I actually feel priveledged to be there for him and help him. However, through our relationship he has cheated on me (when I went back for the summer holidays). He is very very influenced by his friends, and his friends used to do similar things to their other halfs because they were young and dumb. So even when my boyfriend thought it was a bad idea, he would do it because he did not want to be different. I forgave him because I loved him so much.
The current issues of our relationship is that every so often he will say to me that he does not feel as strong for me as he has before. This is, according to him, due to the fact that we do not “click”. He feels this way because he has a very hard time adapting to people unless they are very very similar to him and from the same origin. The basis of our relationship is good, we have mutual respect, trust and love. But once in a year he will bring up the issue that we do not click. When I see him, he genuienely does not make an effort to even talk much at all. When you meet anyone, you bring up conversation and you speak. He does not do this. He says “I just don’t know what to say to u”. It has been the same at his previous and current job. He states that the people there are very different and he just “does not know what to say to them”. I am very different, I can blend in with anyone and just talk about anything, which is what you do. But for some reason he does not seem to have that ability at all.
He is extremely immature as an individual and I can honestly say very selfish as well. I think he is deep down battling anxiety, as he always finds faults in everything, he is scared of several things (motorways, lifts, airplanes, claustrophobic) etc etc. However he does not recognize that his doubts are due to his anxieties. He does not understand that the important qualities of a partner is that they are loving and caring and supportive and you can rely on them whatever happens. I have been all that and even more. He will instead say stuff like “I want to be with a girl that I can have conversations with for days non stop and never get bored”. I find that very unrealistic after being with someone for years, because it is natural not to always have something to say to eachother. Bare in mind, his doubts mainly occur when we speak about marriag. We have both always wanted to get married, however every time it comes to it he expresses these doubts. I have told him that we don’t have to be together if that is how he feels. He says he never wants to let me go, he wants to be with me and get married to me but he has doubts as we do not “click”. I have realised that he has unrealistic expectations of love, job environment and life in general. He always need to be on this “hype” where everything is constantly fun and constantly wild.
So now I am sat here. Baffled…I don’t know how to analyse this situation or what to do. I feel awful after hearing his feelings arent as strong. Every time this happens, my self esteem goes down the drain and I feel like im not good enough for him. I feel like he will leave me and find this fun girl (even though I think I am fun) and live happily ever after and itll just turn out that the fault was always in me. Because there are things I lack. God knows, that I have supported that man every step of the way. I do everything for him. Im not saying that because I am trying to make myself sound great but it is true. And I have supported him because I love him so much.
How do I make him realise that I am a good partner and my good qualities…? How do I make him see that THAT is the important stuff in a relationship?
Please….I am begging you all..You are all going through anxeity just like he is…Can you please make sense of this for me. There are so many other things about him and his behaviour I have forgotten to include. But please someone help me.
Thank you.
I hope you are all well.
I am writing this with so many tears running down from my eyes. A massive lump in my throat. I havent eaten for days, and when I manage to fall asleep…I usually wake up at 05.00 am, as I am experiencing a panic attack. I have no where to go, and no one to speak to that even understand the concept of anxiety. So here I am. You guys are the only shoulder I have to lean on, so please bare with me.
I have read many of the posts on this thread, and I truly empathize with you all.
I have also read many posts on various forums about anxiety making you doubt the emotions you feel for ur other half...and those emotions fading..this must be one of the most terrifying emotions. I respect you all so much, and the battle you are going through.
For me, I am the partner of an individual who has anxiety. The reason why I am writing here is because I am mentally exhausted of trying to rationalize his behaviour to myself and trying to comfort myself when truly… I do not know whether I am kidding myself or not.
Me and my other half met 4 years ago. I can honestly say he is a very very different person from anyone I have ever met before. When we first met, we were 21 and from the moment he saw me, he was totally and completely in love with me. I did not feel the same, as it takes me a long time to feel strongly for someone. But, he did not ever want to stop trying. He kept going and going until I realised how in love with him I actually was. We were at university at the time, and I was an international student. Summer came along and I had to go back home for the summer holidays, which lasted from may until october. During that time, I was completely devoted and now loved him with all my soul. He has always been my first relationship and I have always been his. It was during this time I realised how much of a different person he really is. Before I continue, when we first met he told me that a few years ago he started university in another city prior to coming to the one we both went to. However, whilst being there he felt so out of his comfort zone, he stated that he could not relate to any of the people there as they were not the same origin as him and he felt like an outsider. Usually a person may feel like that for a while but then adapt to their environment, however he could not do this. He instead had a major anxiety attack and it resulted him having to move back home (where his comfort zone is).
Through out our relationship, I can honestly say that I have tried very very hard to be the best girlfriend I could have ever been. Any time his anxiey strikes up, I have been there for him without a doubt. I actually feel priveledged to be there for him and help him. However, through our relationship he has cheated on me (when I went back for the summer holidays). He is very very influenced by his friends, and his friends used to do similar things to their other halfs because they were young and dumb. So even when my boyfriend thought it was a bad idea, he would do it because he did not want to be different. I forgave him because I loved him so much.
The current issues of our relationship is that every so often he will say to me that he does not feel as strong for me as he has before. This is, according to him, due to the fact that we do not “click”. He feels this way because he has a very hard time adapting to people unless they are very very similar to him and from the same origin. The basis of our relationship is good, we have mutual respect, trust and love. But once in a year he will bring up the issue that we do not click. When I see him, he genuienely does not make an effort to even talk much at all. When you meet anyone, you bring up conversation and you speak. He does not do this. He says “I just don’t know what to say to u”. It has been the same at his previous and current job. He states that the people there are very different and he just “does not know what to say to them”. I am very different, I can blend in with anyone and just talk about anything, which is what you do. But for some reason he does not seem to have that ability at all.
He is extremely immature as an individual and I can honestly say very selfish as well. I think he is deep down battling anxiety, as he always finds faults in everything, he is scared of several things (motorways, lifts, airplanes, claustrophobic) etc etc. However he does not recognize that his doubts are due to his anxieties. He does not understand that the important qualities of a partner is that they are loving and caring and supportive and you can rely on them whatever happens. I have been all that and even more. He will instead say stuff like “I want to be with a girl that I can have conversations with for days non stop and never get bored”. I find that very unrealistic after being with someone for years, because it is natural not to always have something to say to eachother. Bare in mind, his doubts mainly occur when we speak about marriag. We have both always wanted to get married, however every time it comes to it he expresses these doubts. I have told him that we don’t have to be together if that is how he feels. He says he never wants to let me go, he wants to be with me and get married to me but he has doubts as we do not “click”. I have realised that he has unrealistic expectations of love, job environment and life in general. He always need to be on this “hype” where everything is constantly fun and constantly wild.
So now I am sat here. Baffled…I don’t know how to analyse this situation or what to do. I feel awful after hearing his feelings arent as strong. Every time this happens, my self esteem goes down the drain and I feel like im not good enough for him. I feel like he will leave me and find this fun girl (even though I think I am fun) and live happily ever after and itll just turn out that the fault was always in me. Because there are things I lack. God knows, that I have supported that man every step of the way. I do everything for him. Im not saying that because I am trying to make myself sound great but it is true. And I have supported him because I love him so much.
How do I make him realise that I am a good partner and my good qualities…? How do I make him see that THAT is the important stuff in a relationship?
Please….I am begging you all..You are all going through anxeity just like he is…Can you please make sense of this for me. There are so many other things about him and his behaviour I have forgotten to include. But please someone help me.
Thank you.