Shyshy21
18-10-15, 05:50
Hello Everyone. I'm going to be starting a Citalopram Diary for myself, because I feel like it would be good for me.
A little information about me: I am young, 16 years old in fact. I suffer with Anxiety and Depression. I've been on many antidepressants but found that Citalopram was the one that definitely worked for me. Last year in November, I was started straight away on 20mg and went through the side effects and came out the other side perfect. I even went back to school after about 2 weeks. Eventually I don't really remember what happened, but after 6 months I had a little blip, maybe 20 mg started becoming less effective, or maybe it was really effective of my anxiety, so my doctor upped it to 30 mg. I was great after that. Then nearing summer, I had a checkup with my Doctor and he said my sister (who is 11 at the moment) and I could taper off of our antidepressants and see how we are and we can go back on if it didn't work out. My sister has different problems than me, as in OCD, Reactive Attachment Disorder, and we both have anxiety, but she does not have panic attacks. Anyways, As we got off, we both just gradually got worse. My sister's OCD started getting worse and she was stepping on every line she could find, like stepping on each side of a squared rug, and she had worsening anxiety, but her anxiety is generally just worries, and crying about them. I gradually grew more depressed, Depressed than I've ever been. At first I of course went through my med withdrawals. I tapered pretty fast too, but my doctor told me a tapering schedule that he thought would be good enough. Taper over 3 weeks and be off. I thought that was way too fast, so I took about 2-3 weeks in between 20mg and 10mg and one day I forgot to take my 10 mg so I thought "Oh well, I guess I'm off of it now!" and so I knew I was bound to go through withdrawals, so I did, and It wasn't very pleasing, but I got through it fine. I then started getting irritable easily, and crying more easily. But it was crying of frustration and only lasted about 5 minutes. Then after that, is when I started going downhill and getting depressed. I was crying a lot, and I Do not consider myself a suicidal person, but I was generally feeling like I didn't want to live. I had a 2 week period where I slept and stayed on the couch and didn't really move, I was scared to sleep alone in my room, but for some reason felt comfortable sleeping on the couch. I lost my appetite big time, and felt like I was starting to get dehydrated, and that shot up my anxiety, as back in 2013, I became severely dehydrated, and had my first panic attack, and was hospitalized and from there on, I've needed treatment for my anxiety and depression. Anyways, then I became I little better again, and was moving around more, and my appetite came back. But I still wasn't really okay. In September when school started for me, I couldn't go. (Also before school started for everyone here, Just to let you know in case you were wondering, My sister went back on her antidepressant, and she takes Fluoxetine. She is doing great again, back to her old self.) My sister had a doctor's appointment, and we both share the same doctor, so my parents told the doctor how I was doing and he wanted me to go immediately back on my meds, and go straight back on 30 mg!!! I was terrified and scared and I refused to take it all the way until a few days ago, to get back on Citalopram. We got a new doctor/therapist which we talk over Skype at the building for our mental health services called Lifeways. But we saw her in person at the beginning of October, and she saw my sister and I and my sister was doing good, but I was still not. She told me that she could see I had a lot of trauma, and I needed to get back on them or I would not get better and if I didn't take it, they would send me to a mental health facility where people would force me to take it. My depression and Anxiety have taken over, and I did not want to start back up on my pill. But she made me feel better about it and she called in a new prescription of more pills for me, and said to start on 10mg for one week, 20 mg the second week, and then finally 30 mg the third week. I agreed and we went home, but after that, I still did not take my pill. This Friday, We had another appointment just for me, to see how I was doing. But I still didn't take my pill, and I freaked out and all I could think was, "They're going to send me away. This is it." I do not think that would help because I get anxiety not being comfortable. So being away from my family, and in a place I was not familiar with, and also starting up on my meds again, would definitely shoot my anxiety through the roof. So we went, I got scared and brought the pill and my water bottle in the truck there. We talked for a bit and she asked if we had the pill with us and we said yes, so we got it and it took about 5 or more minutes for me to take it, because I was really scared and having anxiety about taking it, terrified of side effects. So I finally took it, and they cheered at me, but I was crying more, having more anxiety. After that, my grandpa bought me some bananas, and a donut, just to try to eat something, because my appetite has not been well lately. (Sorry this is so long, I always put too many details into my stories.) So,
Day 1
My grandpa had to take his friend to get his new truck at a car lot. So I went with, because I did not want to be alone at home. I went along, and listened to a new album from a band I really like, the whole time. But I started feeling spaced out, and tired, and started yawning a lot. I felt oddly calm. Tried to eat a bit, but didn't eat a lot. Later, we went to pick up my sister from school, and for some reason, I felt a tiny bit optimistic, like things were going to get better. It didn't really last long, as it was only day one. Later that night, we went to a restaurant, and when walking, my leg muscles felt shakey, and I felt like I couldn't stand properly, but it wasn't really a big deal. Ate a bit of fries, not all of them like I usually would, generally felt spaced out but still talking a lot with my grandma.( I have depersonalization, and so I felt a lot of that, and it scares me, but I try my best to keep calm.) After that, we went to my school's homecoming football game, and there were a lot of people there. I sat with my family, and soon the bleachers got packed and I don't think I would've been able to get out. I was fine, but had a lot of depersonalization, and hated it. My friends were there, texting me telling me to hangout with them, and I did want to, but couldn't figure a way to get out, so I had my friends go under the bleachers and find me and I slipped under them and made one of my friends catch me :roflmao: and we went and sat somewhere else and talked, laughed, and took pictures together until the game was over. Then we all went home, and I felt okay, went to bed and slept great until I randomly woke up at 6 am and didn't think I could get back to sleep, so I lied in bed on my phone for awhile and (embarassingly) had the runs! It wasn't that bad, came back to bed, decided I was still tired, slept for a few more hours until I woke up again at 9 am.
Day 2
Finally at 10 am, I got up and was in a fairly happy mood, and took my pill. A while after I took it I could feel it moving around in my head, and it kinda gave me a small migrane, but after awhile it went away. I didn't really do much today, just lounged around. Been pretty okay all day. Then later at about 7 pm, I got some depersonalization, and it raised my anxiety. I had the hot flashes starting in my shoulders and I took a deep breath and went into my room and drank some water and decided to play my game to distract myself from my anxiety and It kinda worked. A Thing I started doing was writing my worries of the day on a sticky note, and today's worry is the dreaded going up to 20mg. I'm feeling pretty tired right now, it is 9 pm almost 10. Tomorrow my family and I are suppose to go do fun things like going to the pumpkin patch, and going to a park that has a duck pond and taking the dog. I'm looking forward to that. Will update tomorrow.
If you're still reading to this point of the post, you're pretty cool, and a big thank you for listening to my too many detailed rambling. :yesyes:
A little information about me: I am young, 16 years old in fact. I suffer with Anxiety and Depression. I've been on many antidepressants but found that Citalopram was the one that definitely worked for me. Last year in November, I was started straight away on 20mg and went through the side effects and came out the other side perfect. I even went back to school after about 2 weeks. Eventually I don't really remember what happened, but after 6 months I had a little blip, maybe 20 mg started becoming less effective, or maybe it was really effective of my anxiety, so my doctor upped it to 30 mg. I was great after that. Then nearing summer, I had a checkup with my Doctor and he said my sister (who is 11 at the moment) and I could taper off of our antidepressants and see how we are and we can go back on if it didn't work out. My sister has different problems than me, as in OCD, Reactive Attachment Disorder, and we both have anxiety, but she does not have panic attacks. Anyways, As we got off, we both just gradually got worse. My sister's OCD started getting worse and she was stepping on every line she could find, like stepping on each side of a squared rug, and she had worsening anxiety, but her anxiety is generally just worries, and crying about them. I gradually grew more depressed, Depressed than I've ever been. At first I of course went through my med withdrawals. I tapered pretty fast too, but my doctor told me a tapering schedule that he thought would be good enough. Taper over 3 weeks and be off. I thought that was way too fast, so I took about 2-3 weeks in between 20mg and 10mg and one day I forgot to take my 10 mg so I thought "Oh well, I guess I'm off of it now!" and so I knew I was bound to go through withdrawals, so I did, and It wasn't very pleasing, but I got through it fine. I then started getting irritable easily, and crying more easily. But it was crying of frustration and only lasted about 5 minutes. Then after that, is when I started going downhill and getting depressed. I was crying a lot, and I Do not consider myself a suicidal person, but I was generally feeling like I didn't want to live. I had a 2 week period where I slept and stayed on the couch and didn't really move, I was scared to sleep alone in my room, but for some reason felt comfortable sleeping on the couch. I lost my appetite big time, and felt like I was starting to get dehydrated, and that shot up my anxiety, as back in 2013, I became severely dehydrated, and had my first panic attack, and was hospitalized and from there on, I've needed treatment for my anxiety and depression. Anyways, then I became I little better again, and was moving around more, and my appetite came back. But I still wasn't really okay. In September when school started for me, I couldn't go. (Also before school started for everyone here, Just to let you know in case you were wondering, My sister went back on her antidepressant, and she takes Fluoxetine. She is doing great again, back to her old self.) My sister had a doctor's appointment, and we both share the same doctor, so my parents told the doctor how I was doing and he wanted me to go immediately back on my meds, and go straight back on 30 mg!!! I was terrified and scared and I refused to take it all the way until a few days ago, to get back on Citalopram. We got a new doctor/therapist which we talk over Skype at the building for our mental health services called Lifeways. But we saw her in person at the beginning of October, and she saw my sister and I and my sister was doing good, but I was still not. She told me that she could see I had a lot of trauma, and I needed to get back on them or I would not get better and if I didn't take it, they would send me to a mental health facility where people would force me to take it. My depression and Anxiety have taken over, and I did not want to start back up on my pill. But she made me feel better about it and she called in a new prescription of more pills for me, and said to start on 10mg for one week, 20 mg the second week, and then finally 30 mg the third week. I agreed and we went home, but after that, I still did not take my pill. This Friday, We had another appointment just for me, to see how I was doing. But I still didn't take my pill, and I freaked out and all I could think was, "They're going to send me away. This is it." I do not think that would help because I get anxiety not being comfortable. So being away from my family, and in a place I was not familiar with, and also starting up on my meds again, would definitely shoot my anxiety through the roof. So we went, I got scared and brought the pill and my water bottle in the truck there. We talked for a bit and she asked if we had the pill with us and we said yes, so we got it and it took about 5 or more minutes for me to take it, because I was really scared and having anxiety about taking it, terrified of side effects. So I finally took it, and they cheered at me, but I was crying more, having more anxiety. After that, my grandpa bought me some bananas, and a donut, just to try to eat something, because my appetite has not been well lately. (Sorry this is so long, I always put too many details into my stories.) So,
Day 1
My grandpa had to take his friend to get his new truck at a car lot. So I went with, because I did not want to be alone at home. I went along, and listened to a new album from a band I really like, the whole time. But I started feeling spaced out, and tired, and started yawning a lot. I felt oddly calm. Tried to eat a bit, but didn't eat a lot. Later, we went to pick up my sister from school, and for some reason, I felt a tiny bit optimistic, like things were going to get better. It didn't really last long, as it was only day one. Later that night, we went to a restaurant, and when walking, my leg muscles felt shakey, and I felt like I couldn't stand properly, but it wasn't really a big deal. Ate a bit of fries, not all of them like I usually would, generally felt spaced out but still talking a lot with my grandma.( I have depersonalization, and so I felt a lot of that, and it scares me, but I try my best to keep calm.) After that, we went to my school's homecoming football game, and there were a lot of people there. I sat with my family, and soon the bleachers got packed and I don't think I would've been able to get out. I was fine, but had a lot of depersonalization, and hated it. My friends were there, texting me telling me to hangout with them, and I did want to, but couldn't figure a way to get out, so I had my friends go under the bleachers and find me and I slipped under them and made one of my friends catch me :roflmao: and we went and sat somewhere else and talked, laughed, and took pictures together until the game was over. Then we all went home, and I felt okay, went to bed and slept great until I randomly woke up at 6 am and didn't think I could get back to sleep, so I lied in bed on my phone for awhile and (embarassingly) had the runs! It wasn't that bad, came back to bed, decided I was still tired, slept for a few more hours until I woke up again at 9 am.
Day 2
Finally at 10 am, I got up and was in a fairly happy mood, and took my pill. A while after I took it I could feel it moving around in my head, and it kinda gave me a small migrane, but after awhile it went away. I didn't really do much today, just lounged around. Been pretty okay all day. Then later at about 7 pm, I got some depersonalization, and it raised my anxiety. I had the hot flashes starting in my shoulders and I took a deep breath and went into my room and drank some water and decided to play my game to distract myself from my anxiety and It kinda worked. A Thing I started doing was writing my worries of the day on a sticky note, and today's worry is the dreaded going up to 20mg. I'm feeling pretty tired right now, it is 9 pm almost 10. Tomorrow my family and I are suppose to go do fun things like going to the pumpkin patch, and going to a park that has a duck pond and taking the dog. I'm looking forward to that. Will update tomorrow.
If you're still reading to this point of the post, you're pretty cool, and a big thank you for listening to my too many detailed rambling. :yesyes: