Boydo
18-10-15, 23:45
ive had anxiety, depression, derealization etc for the past year now ... ive literally had everything fatigue symdrone to thinking i had a brain tumor my progress has been great and the very odd time ive felt 100% human but everyday my memorys wont feel real or ill think am forgetting things,ive also had sleeping problems the last 3 weeks now which was gone but as i drift off i wont fall fully asleep and feel asif am sedated if i sit up, now sat here for no reason feeling like something wrong... my life alot better then a year ago i quit drugs, yeah ive been thought hell and signed of work as i was on so many tablets ill sweat in panic 24/7 for months .... sertraline and diazepam seem been the only 2 too ever worked i dont take benzos anymore as i know how addictive they are but i panic ill go back to were i was or if there is a deeper problem with me, ive had countless doctors appointments blood test and seen about every doctor at my surgery, yet i can get over this feeling is just anxiety or derealization state .... am having a kid to my gf of 2 years god bless her for standing by me as been times were ive been a dick and tried pushing her away as i didnt want drag her down with me ..... but ill look at her and feel nothing or feel asif we never had a connection the same goes with my mum on odd occasions ill get spooked out that there someone else talking to me even my friends who am deeply close too, my progress like i said has happened i dont sweat anymore, i dont fear going out, i dont think got brain tumour 24/7 or make up i have other medical problems but this empty feeling is still here in my chest i can feel something not right and it seems to be the viscous circle even my gf bump feels surreal i love feeling him kick around but i dont feel asif am connected like it really happening i cant bring the excitement or the true feeling and i wanted be dad scine i lost my first baby at only 17 am now 25, sorry to ramble on but maybe someone can shed some light CBT was useless i understand how it all works but when my baby boy here when i hold him i want to feel that connection and love and need find a way to switch that back on along with being able fall asleep without waking up 10 mins later to feel like fighting my own body ! all the best guys