LexiconDevil
19-10-15, 00:05
Hey everyone! Never wanted to be back viewing these types of forums again but here I am haha :blush:. I've been lurking these forums for a few weeks now (first time in years), reading through all sorts of threads, new and old. I just wanna say how much I appreciate every single one of you on here sharing your stories and comforting each other.
Anyways, I suffer from OCD/anxiety (obsessive thoughts) the subject of it doesn't really matter as I guess it's all just OCD when it comes down to it. In the past I have found medication to be a total life saver. Talk therapy/CBT really did nothing for me. Unfortunately I'm the type of person who feels guilty/weak for taking medication so whenever I feel like I've recovered completely I stop taking my medication (stupid I know). Was on Zoloft a few years ago but quit and my doc suggested switching to Citalopram. After finding the right dose at 40mg it worked perfectly and I recovered completely. Don't remember exactly how long but eventually I felt 99.9% back to normal. Obsessive thoughts basically vanished or seemed so ridiculous that I could ignore them. I stayed on Cit for about a year and a half before I came up with the genius idea to quit taking it. I guess I'm kinda the odd man out cause I experienced practically zero withdrawal symptoms quitting cold turkey. I was fine for 3 months before I started to feel my anxiety/OCD slowly creeping back so I decided to go back on Cit before things spiraled too far out of control.
I've been back on Citalopram for about 4 weeks at 40mg. I guess I had forgotten what starting an SSRI was like because I just started back on the full 40mg dose right away. As you can imagine the side effects were awful. This is what I experienced for about the first 2 and a half weeks.
huge increase in anxiety/obsessive thoughts
sweating constantly. dripping off my hair and everything
complete loss of appetite (lost at least 10 pounds)
insomnia
waking up in the middle of night in a full blown panic
unable to fall back asleep
zero sex drive
foggy dream like state, possibly because of the anxiety
Anyways, at about the 2 and a half week mark I suddenly felt like I could completely accept the OCD thoughts without freaking out as much. Almost like a switch had come on or something. Appetite improved and I could actually sleep at night again. I had a night last week where I was playing a video game and suddenly stopped and realized "Oh man, I haven't even been thinking about my OCD for at least an hour or two". That's a huge improvement over obsessing about something every single minute of the day. Things seemed to be improving at a steady pace with the rare surge of anxiety here and there.
However, these last few days I've felt like I've taken about 10 steps backwards. OCD/anxiety is back pretty strong. Appetite is still there and I'm still able to sleep relatively well but its just absolutely crushing to feel like I was crawling my way out of this hole again only to slip back in. Tomorrow will be 4 weeks back on the Cit and I'm just wondering what is going on. I felt like I had made so much progress and now I feel pretty awful. I've heard the term "blip" used on these forums quite a bit and I'm hoping that's what this is. Anybody have any input? It's gotta be a good sign that I had some pretty good days just a week ago, right? Should I keep taking the Cit or should I move on to something else?
Thank you in advance to anybody who takes the time to read/respond to this long winded post. I'm just looking forward to getting my life back.:yesyes:
Anyways, I suffer from OCD/anxiety (obsessive thoughts) the subject of it doesn't really matter as I guess it's all just OCD when it comes down to it. In the past I have found medication to be a total life saver. Talk therapy/CBT really did nothing for me. Unfortunately I'm the type of person who feels guilty/weak for taking medication so whenever I feel like I've recovered completely I stop taking my medication (stupid I know). Was on Zoloft a few years ago but quit and my doc suggested switching to Citalopram. After finding the right dose at 40mg it worked perfectly and I recovered completely. Don't remember exactly how long but eventually I felt 99.9% back to normal. Obsessive thoughts basically vanished or seemed so ridiculous that I could ignore them. I stayed on Cit for about a year and a half before I came up with the genius idea to quit taking it. I guess I'm kinda the odd man out cause I experienced practically zero withdrawal symptoms quitting cold turkey. I was fine for 3 months before I started to feel my anxiety/OCD slowly creeping back so I decided to go back on Cit before things spiraled too far out of control.
I've been back on Citalopram for about 4 weeks at 40mg. I guess I had forgotten what starting an SSRI was like because I just started back on the full 40mg dose right away. As you can imagine the side effects were awful. This is what I experienced for about the first 2 and a half weeks.
huge increase in anxiety/obsessive thoughts
sweating constantly. dripping off my hair and everything
complete loss of appetite (lost at least 10 pounds)
insomnia
waking up in the middle of night in a full blown panic
unable to fall back asleep
zero sex drive
foggy dream like state, possibly because of the anxiety
Anyways, at about the 2 and a half week mark I suddenly felt like I could completely accept the OCD thoughts without freaking out as much. Almost like a switch had come on or something. Appetite improved and I could actually sleep at night again. I had a night last week where I was playing a video game and suddenly stopped and realized "Oh man, I haven't even been thinking about my OCD for at least an hour or two". That's a huge improvement over obsessing about something every single minute of the day. Things seemed to be improving at a steady pace with the rare surge of anxiety here and there.
However, these last few days I've felt like I've taken about 10 steps backwards. OCD/anxiety is back pretty strong. Appetite is still there and I'm still able to sleep relatively well but its just absolutely crushing to feel like I was crawling my way out of this hole again only to slip back in. Tomorrow will be 4 weeks back on the Cit and I'm just wondering what is going on. I felt like I had made so much progress and now I feel pretty awful. I've heard the term "blip" used on these forums quite a bit and I'm hoping that's what this is. Anybody have any input? It's gotta be a good sign that I had some pretty good days just a week ago, right? Should I keep taking the Cit or should I move on to something else?
Thank you in advance to anybody who takes the time to read/respond to this long winded post. I'm just looking forward to getting my life back.:yesyes: