View Full Version : Heart worries and Relationship probs
Apologies in advance if i end up repeating things i've said in previous posts, i just really need to get all this off my chest in one go.
Things were going okay at the beginning of the week, felt like maybe the meds were starting to kick in and the side-effects were subsiding (i've been taking Venlafaxine for just over two weeks now). I was managing to ignore most of my symptoms and get some work done (i'm self-employed and work from home). I'd also been managing to eat and sleep okay and was succesfully cutting down on the diazepam which the doctor had prescribed to help with the initial side effects of the Venlafaxine.
Yesterday morning i started worrying about my pulse rate again and i just can't get the worrying thoughts out of my head. At the moment my resting pulse is about 80 or 90 sometimes a little higher, but as soon as i do anything like walk across the room or go downstairs it goes up to 120. If i go for a walk or do anything that means standing up for any length of time (like cooking dinner) it goes up to 130 or 140.
I just can't get it out of my head that this too fast, and that i'm doing damage to my heart. In the past, most of my fears have been related to my heart. I have a chest deformity (pectus excavatum) which means my chest is kind of caved in and my lung capacity is about 75% of what it should be for my height (although my peak flow is perfectly normal). I've always worried that this is going to cause problems with my heart, just because there isn't enough space in my chest for it to do its job properly. Every doctor i've ever seen has reassured me that the condition doesn't cause problems with the heart or lungs and (in this country at least) it is really only seen as a cosmetic problem.
I don't know if this rapid heart rate is normal for me, i haven't checked my pulse regularly since last time is was suffering from bad anxiety (about four and a half years ago). So then i start thinking that if my heart has been working this hard for all this time without me noticing then there's even more chance that it's been damaged. In the past, all of the doctors i've seen have told me that an increased heart rate won't cause any damage, i just can't believe them.
On top of all this my wife lost her temper with me yesterday and said a lot of nasty things which left me feeling totally worthless. She also suffers from depression and i think that the pressures of me being ill at the moment, on top of the money worries and everyday stresses are really getting to her. She apologised today for not being more tactful in what she'd said, but i know that she is very unhappy in this relationship at the moment (just don't know how much of her unhappiness is caused by me and how much is her depression). I'm so scared of losing her and being on my own.
So at the moment i'm pretty much convinced that i'm dying, and know that if i live i'm probably going to lose my wife and have nothing to live for anyway. I've never been a suicidal person but at the moment i'm rapidly losing sight of the point of it all.
My doctor has referred me to the hospital for an evaluation and hopefully to get a CPN but i've not heard anything from them yet.
I'm really sorry for dumping all this on you all, and i apologise again if i've repeated things from previous posts, i just really needed to talk to someone.
Andy (pootle)
Hi Andy,
I am sorry you are feeling so down at the moment. I think you have to give your medication another week or so to finally kick in and you will start to feel the benefits of it and that should take some stress off of you and your wife.
As for your heart, I think the majority of us anxiety sufferers worry far too much about our hearts. I know I was always taking my pulse or listening in to what is is doing etc.... this just adds fuel to the fire. The best piece of advice I ever received was to stop taking your pulse or focussing on your heart. What good is it doing? Its making you worry more and more and increasing your anxiety everytine you do it. The minute you put your finger to your neck or wrist your heart automatically speads up, so try and not do this.
From what you have written, you have already discussed your heart rate with your GP and he is said it is ok and you have nothing to worry about. You need to listen to what they are telling you because they know what they are talking about. There has been so many times I wish I had just listened to what I was told by the doctor and maybe I would be closer to being over my anxiety.
It is good that you have been referred on for some counselling etc as this will really help you put things into perspective. If you feel you need some support quickly go back to your GP and ask him/her to hurry things along for you. Remember you are not alone, we are all here and do understand how you are feeling, there is always a way to get through things.
I know other pressures such as money worries, work stress and family issues all make matters seem worse but try your best to keep things into perspective and try your best to talk things over with your wife. You both seem like you have a lot going on at the moment but if you communicate with each other and help each other through these times, you will be fine.
I hope I have helped even a little.
sadie
Hi Pootle,
I know that this will be hard to believe, but there is NOTHING wrong with you other than the anxiety. I've had exactly the same symptoms, worrying about my heart being too fast, obviously something I learned from a website or book somewhere and now believe. So I went through three or four days where I was checking my pulse every hour.
But now I've been back on the meds for three weeks I don't think about it (until you reminded me!!!).
This is just the anxiety talking (if you didn't think like this you wouldn't be anxious!!)
Just think if you haven't checked your pulse for four and a half years since you LAST HAD ANXIETY what does it tell you?
You really do know the truth
Try to talk yourself out of this one.
Take care,
Ian
hello there Andy,
Sorry to hear that you are going through a pretty rough patch!! I can understand why you are worried about your heart...but you do have to remember that every single GP that you have discussed it with has told you that there is absolutely nothing to worry about. I know that it is hard to disregard these worries, especially when suffering from anxiety, but just try to tell yourself that doctors have told you that you have nothing to worry about...Take care.
Sarah :D
Hi Andy,
Isn't it so easy for one thing to slam into another worry and then it seems like it is like a domino effect .
Heart and lung matters first .
A resting pulse of 80ish is absolutely normal for a large proportion of the world. When you start exercise even to go across the room a sharp increase is normal but the important bit is that it comes down again on resuming rest.
Add in a bit of adrenaline from the anxiety and under stress we all beat faster and can keep it up during waking hours quite easily at 120 bpm.
When you're asleep it will come down naturally.To help yourself you can practice meditation/yoga which is very beneficial.
Are you doing this counting maually as after about 120 its hard to keep track.
Having 75 % of lung size is fine , thats more or less what most smokers run on anyway and there are people who exist quite healthy but sedentery lives from one third of one lung's capacity .
You are not dying.
Relationship wise- maybe shes as nervous at being alone as you are and that why she won't be going. Sounds that you would both benefit from a good chat without losing tempers with the aim of trying to understand what you each are going through . She may not understand panic and anxiety and you could learn more about whats going on within her. Hard to set up but well worth the effort if you want to move forward with the relationship. With anxiety we can become quite introspective.
Stick with us here and let us know how you're doing.
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Hi andy, sorry things are getting on top of you at the mo. I take propanonol regular every day and this slows my heart rate down, it's worth asking your doctor if it's getting to you. I know your doc has said it's fine but tell him that it's making you more anxious and he might give you something to settle it down, just a thought! Try not to worry i'm sure things will work out for you.........Tara xxx
Thank you all so much for replying so quickly. I managed to talk to my my wife and i now understand a bit better why she got so upset yesterday. She's also explained that she wasn't threatening to leave me (that's just how i interpreted it at the time), just trying to say that we have some serious problems that we need to work out in order to improve our relationship. She already has a fairly good understanding of my problems (although the last few weeks are the first time she's really seen them get this bad) but i know it's difficult for her.
I'm not feeling quite as hopeless as i was earlier, but i still can't shake of this anxiety, if anything it's got worse. As well as the rapid heart-beat i'm also feeling very shakey and can feel the 'tingling' of the adrenaline running through me. It's not quite a panic attack (i've not suffered from full-on panic attacks for a long time) but it's not far off. At least the adrenaline-rush feeling is something i can definately identify as being anxiety. I know it sounds like a contradiction but getting anxious enough that i can feel the adrenaline kind of makes me less worried.
I'm still a little worried about my pulse rate but you've all managed to reassure me a bit. Unfortunately its just one of those really deep-rooted fears that i can't seem to let go of.
I think the biggest problem i have at the moment is that i'm scared of getting really ill again as i have so much to lose now (wife and step-kids, house and business, it's not just about me any more, i have real responsibilities). The last time i was suffering from severe anxiety i was unemployed and had moved back in with my parents, i really didn't have anything to lose.
When i'm thinking straight i can recognise that the fear of getting worse is obviously making me more anxious. I know what the symptoms of anxiety and panic are, i know how they can spiral out of control. I know that the chances of a 27 year old with no history of heart problems suddenly dropping dead without warning are so slim that it's laughable. I just can't get the unhealthy thoughts out of my head for any length of time.
I just wish i'd never let my doctor persuade me to come off of the meds in the first place.
Andy (pootle)
Hi Andy ,
At this stage it may be worth you considering some Bioforce valeriana tincure or some Passi Flora to get you though the next few days . Any health food shop will have them .
Really pleased to hear you've had a good chat to your wife...
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
Hi Andy
At the monent every thing is upside down for you, and you are feeling bad so you need to take time to sort yourself out. I am sure your wife didnt mean what she said but she will be as frustrated as you hon and want to see you back on top and sorted.
All this will take time which you will know, and it wont help that she is suffering too. But you must communicate with her and as much as you understand her let her know how you feel.
Time and effort is called for here and a lot of understanding and talking between you both.
You will get better and it will take time, advice and support but we are all here for you.
Take care and let us know how it is going.
Love Sal xxxxx
I've spent most of this evening talking with my wife and we've got a lot of things out in the open. I'm 99.99% sure we'll stick together through whatever happens, both of us have strong beliefs about marriage and despite all of our problems we both really love each other which has to count for something. Once i have this anxiety thing a bit more under control i'm going to try and organise some kind of relationship counseling.
It's difficult enough when two people are around each other 24 hours a day (we work together from home), but when you add two sets of mental health problems into the mix things are going to get a little strained sometimes. Although i've lead a relatively normal life for the past four years with my wife and had my anxiety pretty much under control, i've still had a few anxiety related issues (i have difficulty using the telephone, and am very uncomfortable visiting new places, along with a few more complicated ones). They are not problems which rule my life, but have caused tension in our relationship, and i want to try and resolve them.
If anyone out there has any experiences (good or bad) or advice regarding relationships between two people with mental health problems i'd be really glad to hear from you.
Tara - Thanks for the suggestion of Propranonol, unfortunately i have a history of asthma and am unable to take beta-blockers.
Meg - I'll definately be looking into natural remedies as i'm not keen on taking Valium for long periods of time. I need to talk to my GP first though as i tend to get worried about drug interactions and side effects.
I'm starting to sound like a broken record but, thank you all again for your support. I don't know how today would have turned out if i didn't have this forum but i'm sure i'd be feeling worse than i do now.
Thank you all, Andy (pootle)
hello andy
sorry to hear of your troubles and anxiety,
with regards to your question about you and your wife working things out and you both having anxiety or depression challenges...did you consider both going to see a councellor together? i don't really mean a marriage counceller but more like a pyscho-therapy sort of councellor? maybe your GP could know of someone?
well it is just a thought. i hope you work things out :)and are feeling better soon
x oshun
Having another really bad one today. Couldn't sleep at all last night which is making things freaky and confusing again. I'm taking 15mg of Valium a day still but it's making no difference. Since i went to bed last night my pulse has been constantly 120 with my heart thumping in my chest and my body tingling. When i'm not scared about my heart i'm just plain scared, confused and at the end of my tether.
My wife has been calling the hospital to push forward my assessment to today, i need help, i don't know what to do.
I've been having some pretty dark and harmful thoughts (not like me at all) so it's likely they'll keep me in for a couple of days. I've never been admitted to hospital before and i'm scared of that too. Don't know what to do, too tired to think straight, too anxious to rest, just forcing myself to type this message to try and keep some sane thoughts in my head.
Andy (pootle)
Can i just ask, if it's okay for me to keep adding to this thread like this? I'm not attention seeking or anything, just finding it useful to write things down at the moment and this seems like a good place to do it. If i'm talking too much or anything, please let me know.
After many phone calls, my wife managed to pursuade the hospital that i needed an emergency assessment as she was so worried about me. They agreed to do it but said i had to be referred as an emergency by my GP before they could see me.
My GP (who i've just decided is one of the most caring people i've ever met) agreed to see me straight away during his afternoon break. He spent over an hour of his own time talking to me to try and reassure me and calm me down and did another ECG test to check my heart. The test showed two small timing abnormalities which he said were very unlikely to ever cause me problems (definately wouldn't cause me any problems at the moment) and were most likely caused by my current state of anxiety (my heart rate is still steady at 120). He reassured me that everything else about my heart was fine and that, based on the ECG results, none of the chest pains or other symptoms i've experienced recently could be related to my heart.
He gave me three different options as to how we could take things today, and explained them all. First option was to give the emergency hospital referal to the Psychiatric ward as we'd originally planned, second was to refer me to hospital for further heart tests in an effort to reassure me further and hopefully remove the source of some of my anxiety. Third option was to send me home with some sleeping tablets as he was sure that the lack of sleep was the other main cause of my current state of mind.
After talking through all of the possibilities we decided that a combination of the third and first options would be best. He gave me some Zopiclone to take this evening and promised to phone me first thing in the morning to see if it had helped (he even put my phone number on his mobile and set an alarm to remind him). He promised that if the sleeping tablets didn't help he would give me an emergency referral to the Psychiatric ward in the morning. He also reassured me that there were no interactions between the Zopiclone and my other meds.
About an hour after i got home i got a phone call from my GP. He said that he had faxed my ECG results to a cardiologist friend of his and had an in depth discussion with him about my heart worries. He said that his friend agreed that the abnormalities in my ECG results were well within normal variation boundries and would not cause any current or future problems. The cardiologist has also agreed to give me an outpatients appointment to discuss any worries that i still have in person.
Maybe i've only ever had crummy doctors before, but i've never had a GP who was willing to go to such lengths to try and make me feel better.
I'm still feeling freaked and a bit anxious (probably lack of sleep) but i'm not as bad as i was when i wrote the last post. Given my track record over the past week it'll probably get worse again, but at least i know i'm getting as much help as i possibly can.
Andy (pootle)
Hi Andy,
I just wanted to say that its great that you have what sounds like the best doctor in the world! It makes so much difference does'nt it, stick with this GP as he/she sounds amazing!
I only say this as having an un-sympathetic GP is the worst thing when you suffer with panic/anxiety as walking out of his/hers office when they just keep saying "you are fine....there is nothing to worry about" is the worst feeling ! They just don't seem to have the time for you.
Also I know you are very worried about your heart but I am always taking my pulse as you know I suffer with frequent missed beats and I can say that my resting heart rate is often about 90-100 and it goes up when I just do simple things like waliking accross the room or just taking a deep breath....as you do when you are hyperventilating.
Worrying about these things makes us more and more anxious, thats when the other symptoms kick in like over breathing which would make your heart rate increase too.
Hope you are doing ok:)
Angie
x
hello andy
well as far as i am concerend if it helps you to write things down here then go for it :)
i can relate to how intensely bad you may be feeling, and i think its pretty good that you sound like you are getting some very good help and support. sincerely hope you are feeling better soon
all the very best, oshun
Hi Andy,
I'm so pleased you have a superb Gp. When you're better you may want to nominater him for GP of the year . Its a really big deal .
Its a couple of days on now so I was wondering how you are now and what choices you made in the interim..
You carry on posting here as much as you like.
Meg
It is impossible to get out of a problem by using the same kind of thinking that it took to get into it.
- Albert Einstein.
After getting a few good night's sleep i'm feeling more positive and starting to think more rationally. My pulse is still racing most of the time but the palpatations are less frequent and i'm trying not let it get to me.
My GP did call me the morning after my last appointment (just as he promised) to see how i was doing, but i was still asleep:) He had a long chat with my wife on the phone and explained to her how he want's to go forward with my treatment.
He doesn't think that hospital admission (to the psychiatric ward) will benefit me at all in the long run and, to be honest, now i'm thinking straight i agree with him
Current plan (short-term) is to get the anxiety under control a bit and stabilise my sleeping pattern by using the Zopiclone (sleeping pills) when i need them. I'm still waiting for a Psychiatric outpatients appointment with the hospital to review my situation and help find the most suitable levels of meds (as well as arrange a CPN or other counselling). Shouldn't take too long now.
Long-term, my GP wants to take further measures to reassure me about my health by refering me to the heart specialist. He hopes that this, along with CBT will help to remove some of the root causes of most of my anxiety.
That's the general plan anyway, i have an appointment with him again on Wednesday (at his request), to discuss it all in person.
Still not feeling great, but it helps so much knowing that everything is being set in motion. Things are going much better with my wife, hopefully we can arrange some counselling for the two of us when i get a bit better and get everything sorted out properly.
Andy (pootle)
Andy ,
I think thats a great plan .
Glad you're feeling more optimistic about your situation.
Keep in touch ..
Meg
Hi Andy
Just caught up with your post .. so sorry to hear what you've been going through but I'm really pleased you're sounding much more positive now. Wow, haven't you got a fantastic GP? :D Sounds like he/she is going great guns to get you on the road to recovery as fast as possible.
I know its hard but with meds, it really can take a few weeks before you feel the full benefit. I've been on mine since the end of May and I'm still noticing improvement week by week. I'm sure that very soon you'll be feeling much, much better ... look forward to hearing how you're getting on.
Best wishes, love Jo x
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