facing my biggest fear this weekend

[rls47]

hi, so I thought I was doing ok recently, and had the panic under control - I have a strong flying phobia - have had three months CBT (which stopped about 5 weeks ago and sent me into a tail spin) and a few test flights on my own during that time (with panic attacks) and now my biggest fear or flying with my four young children is about to happen. I can deal with panic attacks flying on my own - its something I can handle drug free now which is a massive improvement for me, but taking the children, on a plane - which I KNOW is safe but FEELs like the most dangerous thing ever makes me feel like I am putting them in imminent danger that I have no control over and cant protect them from. I know from CBT that I have to feel the fear and do it anyway so my brain can learn it wasn't dangerous and was okay, but wow this is hard. I woke up at 1am to a panic attack (never had one before asleep) and feel on the edge of one all day today. The family are so excited, and everyone thinks I am so brave, but I feel so weak and stupid, what if I cant do it, what if I get thrown off the plane, what if I cant even get on it.

[shelzmike]

Reading your post and just thinking about having to do it myself one day for work is enough to cause me anxiety all day and near panic, if not an actual panic attack!.

I think "ready" is the operative work here - what does ready really mean for us anxiety sufferers? The ability to not have any anxiety at all? Worry-free? Unfortunately, this is not a realistic view for us. However, more to what is a better assessment of ready for us is that we have the capability to actually do it, even with anxiety. So, based on that, it sounds to me like you are ready, even if you do not feel like you are.

Understand that anticipatory anxiety and actual situational anxiety have been proven to come from 2 different parts of our brains. What this means is that most of the time the actual situational anxiety isn't as bad. Easier understood than done, right?

If possible, try to use the family's excitement and let it rub off on you. After all, excitement and anxiety are the same exact body response! The only difference is the way we think about it.

I couldn't imagine myself in your position at this exact moment in time; however, based on what you have said you have done, I think you are as ready as ever. Kick those nasty What If's to the curb. Understand that our anxiety tries to make us fortune tellers and future predictors. We clearly cannot predict the future, rather can only rely on known usual outcomes. In this situation the known usual outcome is that you will proceed, probably have some anxiety and maybe even panic, but that you won't get kicked off the plane, you will be able to get on it, and you will feel so much better when you finish it.

So, where are you going? How long will the flight be?

Mike

[rls47]

Thanks Mike,

Its a 3 hr fight to Ibiza - but its the getting on and going up and then coming down I find bad, the bit in between is ok (the most dangerous points are the first 3 minutes and the final 8 of any flight).

For me the actual is normally worse than the anticipation (I have an unhealthy knack of refusing to believe flights will actually go ahead until I walk onto the plane - an avoidance strategy (I had many!) I am trying hard to eliminate). In fact that's maybe that's why my anticipation anxiety is worse now - because I'm not letting my mind play those games, and this high anxiety doesn't actually mean my situation anxiety is going to be any worse than normal.

I have been asked if I need to get off a plane a few times when I've travelled alone for work - so I always worry one day they might make me - although you are quite right to point out they have never done that yet :)

[mark84]

Just writing to wish you a good journey, long deep breaths, remember planes are safer than cars, just because it's novel and strange to you doesn't mean it is to the pilot.
Hope you and the kids have a great time, and make sure to post when you're back home so you can let us know how well it went, and how you're defeating those irrational fears! :)

[rls47]

I did it, it wasn't easy but I got through it. The kids were good and I had prepared them so they wouldn't freak just because I did. The flight out was smooth and I only had a panic attack on take off, the flight back wasn't so good - but that's because we were stuck in the plane while it was delayed for almost three hours before take off, I had a panic attack getting on, one during waiting and then a big one on take off, but then recovered for most the flight until the landing. The holiday was fab and I have proved I can do it, I've also let my guard down enough for my hubby to see me have a panic attack (he's never seen one) and that felt OK. Would I do it again - not sure yet but that's more to do with logistics of delayed flights with four young children. I know I can do it now, ok I still have the panic attacks but I think in general they are less severe than before cbt, because I'm flowing with them now rather than fighting them, and I'm not ashamed of them now. I also had very little OCD thoughts while away, and even though today is stressful (long story!) I feel good again today. Hubby now understands a little what I go through, and respects that, before I think he just thought I was a little scared of flying, now he gets it.

[emily67]

I did it, it wasn't easy but I got through it. The kids were good and I had prepared them so they wouldn't freak just because I did. The flight out was smooth and I only had a panic attack on take off, the flight back wasn't so good - but that's because we were stuck in the plane while it was delayed for almost three hours before take off, I had a panic attack getting on, one during waiting and then a big one on take off, but then recovered for most the flight until the landing. The holiday was fab and I have proved I can do it, I've also let my guard down enough for my hubby to see me have a panic attack (he's never seen one) and that felt OK. Would I do it again - not sure yet but that's more to do with logistics of delayed flights with four young children. I know I can do it now, ok I still have the panic attacks but I think in general they are less severe than before cbt, because I'm flowing with them now rather than fighting them, and I'm not ashamed of them now. I also had very little OCD thoughts while away, and even though today is stressful (long story!) I feel good again today. Hubby now understands a little what I go through, and respects that, before I think he just thought I was a little scared of flying, now he gets it.



well done!

now you can sigh in relief that it's all over

[dally]

Brilliant! Well done.
You have made some wonderful memories.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Well done for pushing through the barriers. You could have easily caused it to be called off but you faced it. It was typically scary, as exposure can be, but you stayed with the trigger and watched it decrease and this is important. It sounded like it was going to be a hard experience due to your increased anxiety since CBT.

I think the fact you even enjoyed yourself is a very positive thing to take from this. If you think about it, you could have easily spent your entire holiday worrying about the return flight and hate every second of it but you didn't. Being able to enjoy yourself shows that you are perhaps further ahead than you realised.