Home Alone with anxiety

[stuck2long]

My anxiety has increased recently due to the fact that I'm spending more time alone and getting very anxious about it.
I'm severely agoraphobic, my father in law is in hospital and I'm struggling through the day while my husband is at work from 8.30 to 5.30. I have become so anxious about being left alone for another 2 hours in the evening while he goes to visit his father that I'm getting awful symptoms as the time draws nearer, my heart begins to race and my palms begin to sweat, I feel I want to go and hide. My husband went to visit his father during the day yesterday and I found that not too bad to handle since I'm already alone all day anyway. I don't know why I've suddenly become more anxious, since i know he has to leave again in the evening I tend to get a lot of bad anticipation anxiety during the day and have begun to feel so depressed, drained and so tired as well. I don't know how to handle these symptoms and I'm scared of facing them every night alone. I try to concentrate on things I used to enjoy doing but it's constantly on my mind the thought of what lies ahead.
Any advice most welcome.
Thanks in advance,

[lizzie29]

Hi

I'm not agoraphobic, but I too struggle when alone. When my fiance goes to work, I have to know exactly where he is, what time he's in meetings etc and I have to know that I can contact him should I need to. It's been so bad recently that I actually ended up going to two meetings with him, which I felt such a failure about.
I worry in advance if I know he will be out longer after work, a friend came to stay with me when that happened a couple of weeks ago.
I don't really have much advice since I'm still struggling through this myself, but I just try to distract myself lots. Have ended up spending a lot of time on the Internet, doing hard brain puzzles to keep me focussed and distracted.
Do you feel 'safe' when your husband is there? I know that's how I feel, I think I worry that I might have a panic attack when alone, even though I know deep down that there's no reason why that should be. Then the more I worry about having a panic attack, the more I feel panicky!
Sorry to not be more help but I hope it helps a little to know that you're not the only person like this.
Take care x

[stuck2long]

Hi Ikenny,
Thanks so much for your reply.
What you wrote is exactly how I feel, I only feel safe when my husband is at home, I try not to think where he is during the day, all I know he could be anywhere within a 12 mile radius but I don't mind that since I know I can contact him on his mobile, not that he likes me getting in touch anyaway. What makes things worse recently is that he has to leave home again in the evening and I hate this as it makes me feel panicky before he goes and the thought of being alone for 2 hours with those feelings frightens me so much, I was ok in the beginning when his father went into hospital , that was almost 3 weeks ago but I'm getting worse as the days go by and find I feel unsafe during day now as well and unable to relax.
I can relate to your worrying in advance too as my husband has to attend an annual dinner next month and will be gone all evening until very late with no contact at all, I reacted very badly last year as he went to work as normal in the morning and just popped home to get changed and left about 3pm in the afternoon. I had a panic and am dreading the same this year.
Do you find having a friend stay helps ?
I lost my broadband yesterday which made me feel really bad and it went off again for a while this morning. Like yourself I find the internet to be a distraction.
Take care
Pegi x

[lizzie29]

Have sent you a PM, but then read this message so thought I'd send a longer reply!

Sounds like our partners are in similar work, mine has annual dinners (which luckily partners go to too) and lots of breakfast meetings and evening meetings. I find it harder being alone at night, I think probably because it's dark and everything seems worse then. Like if I panic in the night, it seems worse than if I panic in the day.
It's good that you cope when your husband goes to see his father - I mean, it's good that you manage to stay at home rather than go with him. I went to a breakfast meeting with my partner yesterday - it was easier than trying to cope at home on my own, although I know this is taking the easy way out and I have to get used to it soon.
One of the things I try to focus on, is that I know he's coming home at a certain time. As I'm sure you know, 10 minutes feels like an eternity when you're panicking, but I keep trying to tell myself that he will be home at 5.30 ish, I'm not alone forever and I try to break the day into chunks. I think - right, let's get through the next hour and don't think about the rest of the day, then I focus on the next hour, etc. It sounds really sad but I sometimes count down to a TV programme, which I know I'll enjoy and will distract me, then after that find soemthing else to count down to. (Hope this is making sense!)
I'm currently doing a PGCE and luckily have got a couple of weeks off at the mo. I'm dreading going back to work in another school, even though I love teaching and the last placement was fine. I'm not agoraphobic, but I think it's because I'll be in an 'unsafe' place without my fiance.

Well, will stop rabbling on now! Are you on MSN? You could always chat to me if you're feeling bad.

Take care,
Lizzie xxx

[stuck2long]

Hi Lizzie
Thanks for the PM, have replied.
My hubby is a building surveyor, the dinner is an annual presentation dinner for men only, when I say men only, my hubby is a committee member and none of their partners are invited, the guests are men and women who are receiving an award, good thing as it would only make me worse if I was invited since I can't go out at all : (
I think what has made me very unsettled at night is the fact that he didn't come home one night on this occasion two years ago, he'd had too much to drink, he ignored my text messages and I was alone walking the house with terrible anxiety all night long, this was so insensitive of him, it has made me very fearful of being alone at night since.
I find mornings and night worse when alone.
I'm not coping well at all in the evenings when he goes to see his father, that is the problem, once he's out of the door in the morning, I cope with that but knowing he has to go out again at night makes me struggle with bad anxiety and the 2 hours seem like eternity.
I think it's brave of you to go with your partner and no, I don't think of it as taking the easy way out.
I like your coping techniques, yes it does make a lot of sense to me, thing is I have the telly on all day with the volume turned down for visual company only but I get fed up with it at times.
Wishing you well in the other school, what is PGCE please ?
Yes I'm on messenger if you would like to add me as madcrafter2002@yahoo.co.uk
MSN and Yahoo messengers have merged.
Take care,
Pegi xxx

[nieve]

I can really relate to this. I used to think I was just strange, but seeing this conversation made me realise I'm not the only one who gets really anxious and panicky when their partners are out for the evening. I also try and distract myself as much as possible, maybe phone some friends, or chat on the net. It also helps knowing he'll be back at a certain time and if he texts me while he's out. I'm glad my husband finally understands how hard it is for me when he's not around at night, so now he always lets me know how things are going and when he's leaving to come home. I really hate being this way, because part of me obviously wants him to be happy and enjoy himself, but the other part knows I'm going to suffer for it.

Nieve

[kilvosa]

Hi There
I can sympathise with you although im not agrophobic i do get panicky when my husband is away. In December i only saw him for one weekend and i was awful have two children at home too. I found distraction a good way of dealing with my feelings or i would phone someone up or come into the chat room here thats been so much help. I do hope you are feeling better
take care
Anne xx

[lizzie29]

Hi Pegi

Is everything okay? Not heard from you for a while. Have you been getting my PMs?

Take care
Lizzie x