How to get out of this spiral of lies? Am I a compulsive liar?

[sadtimes]

I was incredibly drunk around my new friends and I jokingly told them something about myself that I didn't think they'd believe but they did and they kept asking further questions and I was just answering them with more lies because at the time I was thinking "Do they really believe me??? wow" so then the morning after I was so annoyed at myself why I had told a lie because this lie can be easily found out to be false if they ask the right people

Next time we were drunk the topic came up again and I lied about it again because I was too worried about what they would think about me if I told them I'd lied the first time

I don't know why I can't stop lying about this, I would tell them it's all a joke but I've been so convincing that they're just gonna think I'm a compulsive attention seeker liar.

It's not like I can just avoid talking about it or pretend i'd never said it because they sometimes ask me questions about it.

They'd be pretty annoyed if they found out I was lying about it. I dunno what to do, I don't want to keep lying about it but if I came clean I feel like they would never trust anything I say again.:weep:

[mark84]

I guess you're not comfortable with telling us what the lie was about?
To be honest I think unless it's causing some one harm (like saying "I saw mr x cheating on ms y with miss z") then just forget it, other people will soon forget it too, you'll be surpised how quickly people forget things, even if you quizzed them on it after 2 years of not mentioning it odds are most will have forgotten.

[ricardo]

http://addiction.lovetoknow.com/wiki/Compulsive_Lying_Disorder

I put this up not to scare you but to show you how being a compulsive liar is a serious illness and the other reason is that it affected my family as my brother in law was and still is a compulsive liar which has cost him his job, his marriage, his kids and his sister. He kept the same lie going for years basically that he was single whilst having an affair.

I am not for one moment suggesting you are anything like him, but even this little lie is bothering you, otherwise you wouldn't have posted this on these boards.

[Pepperpot]

Jesus Ricardo - how on earth did he manage that. Worrying to think that someone could convince themselves they are single.
I don't think they OP is a compulsive liar - like it says "Getting a compulsive liar to admit he or she lied can be nearly impossible." OP knows they lied. I just think that low self-esteem is the issue here for the lies.

What is the lie? It would probably help x

[ricardo]

Jesus Ricardo - how on earth did he manage that. Worrying to think that someone could convince themselves they are single.
I don't think they OP is a compulsive liar - like it says "Getting a compulsive liar to admit he or she lied can be nearly impossible." OP knows they lied. I just think that low self-esteem is the issue here for the lies.

What is the lie? It would probably help x


Indeeed then we can comment or help the OP. I stress that I never for one moment thought that the OP was as bad as my brother in law who carried this facade on for three years until he finally got caught out by his wife.
He also put in monthly expenses for travelling allover the country, as he was basically in sales, the company got suspicuous and put a gadget under his car to clock the miles he did and it was eventually proved he sat at home most of the time while claiming to be hundreds of miles away.

[Pepperpot]

No I didn't mean you thought he was as bad - I just meant I don't think this is compulsive lying as the OP knows they've told lies and feels bad.

So what happened to him then in the end?

[ricardo]

No I didn't mean you thought he was as bad - I just meant I don't think this is compulsive lying as the OP knows they've told lies and feels bad.

So what happened to him then in the end?

I am getting confused lol :ohmy:

If you mean my brother in law he was divorced by his wife, went to live in a council flat with his new much younger girlfriend, who must be extremely gullable, and has never even wanted to see his kids again, and that was over three years ago.
He lost absolutely everything and deserves no pity.There is a lot more but not for this place or thread.

[Pepperpot]

Yeah I meant your bro in law lol.

Does he still think he's in the right? Sorry, I'm just being nosey now lol

[sadtimes]

The lie really isn't anything bad, like it doesn't affect anyone else and it's something that if it's not mentioned again then people will probably just forget about it. I'd rather not say what it is cause it's kinda embarrassing it's a lie people would just tell to seem cooler than they are but I said it as a joke

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think there is a possibility that your perception of the lie is also skewed. I say this because I know from your previous OCD threads that got have placed a lot of meaning on things which really meant very little. It's classic behaviour with anxiety disorders, see Cognitive Distortions. Aside from the skew there is obvious "what if's" and catastrophizing going on.

What is the worst that can happen? Embarrassment? That's not pleasant but it's unlikely to be as bad as your mind is perceiving it to be. Step outside of the situation and think how you would perceive it if it were someone else on here. This can be easier to relate to. Determine how you would respond to someone else who did it? Now, is it really so bad?

[mark84]

The lie really isn't anything bad, like it doesn't affect anyone else and it's something that if it's not mentioned again then people will probably just forget about it. I'd rather not say what it is cause it's kinda embarrassing it's a lie people would just tell to seem cooler than they are but I said it as a joke

I don't think there's any harm done, trust me there's lots of people out there are lying about stuff to seem cooler than they are. Don't keep doing it, but don't worry about it either.

[fishman65]

Lying is generally best avoided if it can be helped, however none of us are above telling a few fibs and there can be a multitude of reasons. Those reasons often determine the nature of the lie, whether its designed to hurt or protect someone etc or in your case to appear cool.

Peer pressure can force us to blend in as well as score points or not get left behind among our social groups. I think this is the area you find yourself in sadtimes and I wouldn't be too hard on yourself because I've done it too and I'll tell you how if it helps.

Back in my 20s (a long time ago now) I was teased mercilessly by my mates about still having my ahem...'V plates' while they had all long since chucked theirs. So I made up an elaborate story about a camping holiday in the lake district where I lost them. It was told to get them off my back by conforming to their expectations. I regret the lie but if I hadn't been put under such duress I perhaps wouldn't have felt the need to tell it.

In mitigation I drank heavily to socialise back then and girls tended to see a drunk rather than the anxiety/depression wracked individual. Anyway what's done is done...I'm confident your lie, like MyNameIsTerry says, is not as bad as you think :)

[GlassPinata]

I once read a quote that said "Tyranny creates liars".
We often don't choose to lie.
We lie because we feel pressured to do so, to conform, we lie in response to the perceived expectations of others.
"Tyranny" can be anything from an abusive spouse who will beat you if he discovers you chatted with a neighbor next door.... to extreme social pressure, combined with mental health issues that make you feel you need to lie.

If you feel you have a choice about whether to lie or tell the truth, then by all means go with the truth, to avoid complications.

But if you felt pressured for whatever reason to tell the lie, then consider that some of the blame for it may be on the situation, which seemed to require a lie.

I'm saying this to hopefully help you let go of some of the guilt of telling a lie.
It is not entirely your fault. Some of the blame may be on a situation that made you feel like you needed to lie, like the truth would not serve you well.

If you find yourself in these situations regularly, you might want to consider changing your lifestyle or circle of acquaintances.
You will be happier in situations and with people who allow you to be yourself and accept you as you are, and do not require lies.

Best wishes.

[Catherine S]

Glass Pinata, this thread is from 2015 and some of the people commenting on it have now left the forum, so you may not get a response to your post.

ISB