Will a name change help me?

[elibabez]

Hello, i want to be honest
i am not depressed or anything but

i hate my childhood, i was bullied constantly, my parents didnt give a flying monkey about me, even my older brother who i love, still treated me like cr-p

i have been estranged from my family for years ie not living with them etc, my mother every so often speaks to me on the fone and its all about her rattling on and on about how `she isnt getting any younger`, you know blah blah self self, and it just totally depresses me everything about my family.

In addition my gran died a year ago and one of my uncles died too all in the last couple of years, so it always seems whenever i chat to my family its always a case of ``oh god who has died now``

I just absolutly want nothing at all to do with the early part of my life, i hated it, i hated being bullied and being a nothing, even my cousin used to bully me.

This isnt a woe betide me post, in fact this is the first time ive ever mentioned it on here. I dont feel sorry for myself or anything.

But any time i connect with my parents/ family i just feel anxiety constantly always worried about `which uncle has died now`, or this or that..

I honestly think if i change my first name, i am not that person anymore, ie my first name, the people who bullied me, my family all know me with that first name

If i change my first name im a new person, it is like a new start, i have no connection to my old being old essence, especially considering i dont live in the town i was born in where i got bullied, and i dont see my parents often at all.

Sorry about the long winded message, but i just hate everything about me as a kid, i hate my family, but guilt keeps making me think ``i cant turn my back on them because thats bad and family are family`` etc, but at the end of the day my mother didnt give a shit about throwing me out of the house when i was 16 to live with my cousins, so i dont think i owe ANYTHING to my family to be honest..

But i am always living in the past and nostalgia and guilt about ``you cant do that your family will miss you, you owe them something``, when i dont owe them anything.

Im stil a young adult and i really want to just get on with my life and de-attach myself from what i was as a little kid

Can anyone reply sorry about the long winded message,

Oh and im a girl! :unsure:

---------- Post added at 12:34 ---------- Previous post was at 12:31 ----------

by the way, again if anyone can reply when they get time, i would appreciate it so much
hugs to everyone, have a nice day :)

[CharleneMac]

I dont think it will help hunni, ive ran and ran from a similar situation but it will always be there for u. The best thing would maybe be CBT or councilling to help ypu get over the past and change how u view it x

[Fishmanpa]

I agree with the previous post. You can change your name but it doesn't change the past or your feelings about them. It would be akin to changing your hair color. Looks different but it's still the same hair.

That being said, again agreeing with the previous post, getting to the root of those negative feelings and coming to grips with them would be the most productive way to deal with your feelings. THEN... if you still feel the same way, do whatever you want. OR, perhaps a fresh start and a nickname would be in order. It's certainly a heck of a lot easier than having to go through the legalities of officially changing your name.

Think of it this way... Bruce Jenner became a woman and changed his name to Caitlyn. I have news for you. Despite the surgeries, hormones and legal documents, underneath it all, that's still Bruce!

Positive thoughts

[dally]

I don't think a name change will change how you feel, but we,re all different. Counselling might help you come to terms with your feelings, memories and attitude towards family..

[Oosh]

I think a name change CAN help. I grew up with a lad who had been called a derogatory name by a group of his "friends" like it was his name. He later mixed with a more mature group and they all referred to him by a different name and I'm sure that helped him a lot. I'm sure it helped him put it behind him and improve his self image.

You can also get people unhappy with their appearance who get plastic surgery done on the thing they're unhappy with but still have a poor self image afterwards. On the other hand you can get people in that scenario who's self image DOES improve after the surgery. It WAS what they needed.

It's hard to know how you tick inside and whether you are the kind who's self image would benefit or not.

Wouldn't your family still call you by your old name anyway ?
You'd probably at the very least have to be living a different life, somewhere else and be detached completely from your painful past.

You can change your self image over time. Your personality changes throughout your life anyway, you become different people based on the new ways you see things.

Maybe all this implies you have negative associations with your name and that might be a better place to start. Change who (insert name) is to you.

Maybe there's no need to change your name to like yourself more, just learn to like yourself more.

When you think of your name what do you see ? No doubt it's all negative stuff and painful memories. Well that's who (insert name) currently is to you.
Start changing those images you have attached to it.

Who is the good you ? What are the things you're proud to be ? What do people like about you ? Start seeing THOSE when you think of (insert name). Become proud of who you are and have become and proud of YOUR name.

You can put all that stuff behind you, don't worry about that. You are who YOU say you are and who YOU see yourself as. Actively work to improve how you see yourself and learn to dismiss the negative way people tried to make you feel. Over time, it'll stick and you'll put the old poor self image behind you.

[elibabez]

I think a name change CAN help. I grew up with a lad who had been called a derogatory name by a group of his "friends" like it was his name. He later mixed with a more mature group and they all referred to him by a different name and I'm sure that helped him a lot. I'm sure it helped him put it behind him and improve his self image.

.



Thanks, i really am considering changing my name, i just want no association with the past me

and no i dont have a criminal record or anything,

when i say i dont want association i mean i dont want to keep wallowing in the past and memories

i really think if i disassociate myself with the name, then its not me anymore that i was made fun of as a kid

or could i be wrong :weep:

[Oosh]

If you don't want to live ruminating on the past then create a new life to replace it.

If you have nothing going on and have time to spend looking back then you will and it will constantly be dredged up, analysed and kept with you.

But if you spend your time creating a new now and a new future you'll create a new you and the past will just fade and weaken and will just be used as life experience and to empathise with and help others who may be going through what you went through.

Live your life now and give yourself a chance to grow into something else.

Inside you should KNOW who you are. Always remember the great you that you really are despite what any idiots TRIED to make you feel.

It will absolutely be ok. Don't dwell on it. Live and build your life now and give yourself a chance to forget and move on

[blue moon]

Hi:)
I do not think changing your name will make any difference,you have been bullied as a child s a lot of people have.You are lucky to have family they may not be perfect as none of us are.I lost my parents,2 brothers and a sister plus 2 children, cousins aunts and uncles in a revolution in my home country.

You must learn that is life,your family are just that family,we do not have to like them,I am sure my two sometimes get annoyed with me talking about my loss of relatives,I say to you that maybe sit down with them and talk about your feelings and whatever else needs to be said.
You might regret when they are not around anymore,you are young life is too short to hold on to this.

Petra :)