elibabez
28-10-15, 12:34
Hello, i want to be honest
i am not depressed or anything but
i hate my childhood, i was bullied constantly, my parents didnt give a flying monkey about me, even my older brother who i love, still treated me like cr-p
i have been estranged from my family for years ie not living with them etc, my mother every so often speaks to me on the fone and its all about her rattling on and on about how `she isnt getting any younger`, you know blah blah self self, and it just totally depresses me everything about my family.
In addition my gran died a year ago and one of my uncles died too all in the last couple of years, so it always seems whenever i chat to my family its always a case of ``oh god who has died now``
I just absolutly want nothing at all to do with the early part of my life, i hated it, i hated being bullied and being a nothing, even my cousin used to bully me.
This isnt a woe betide me post, in fact this is the first time ive ever mentioned it on here. I dont feel sorry for myself or anything.
But any time i connect with my parents/ family i just feel anxiety constantly always worried about `which uncle has died now`, or this or that..
I honestly think if i change my first name, i am not that person anymore, ie my first name, the people who bullied me, my family all know me with that first name
If i change my first name im a new person, it is like a new start, i have no connection to my old being old essence, especially considering i dont live in the town i was born in where i got bullied, and i dont see my parents often at all.
Sorry about the long winded message, but i just hate everything about me as a kid, i hate my family, but guilt keeps making me think ``i cant turn my back on them because thats bad and family are family`` etc, but at the end of the day my mother didnt give a shit about throwing me out of the house when i was 16 to live with my cousins, so i dont think i owe ANYTHING to my family to be honest..
But i am always living in the past and nostalgia and guilt about ``you cant do that your family will miss you, you owe them something``, when i dont owe them anything.
Im stil a young adult and i really want to just get on with my life and de-attach myself from what i was as a little kid
Can anyone reply sorry about the long winded message,
Oh and im a girl! :unsure:
---------- Post added at 12:34 ---------- Previous post was at 12:31 ----------
by the way, again if anyone can reply when they get time, i would appreciate it so much
hugs to everyone, have a nice day :)
i am not depressed or anything but
i hate my childhood, i was bullied constantly, my parents didnt give a flying monkey about me, even my older brother who i love, still treated me like cr-p
i have been estranged from my family for years ie not living with them etc, my mother every so often speaks to me on the fone and its all about her rattling on and on about how `she isnt getting any younger`, you know blah blah self self, and it just totally depresses me everything about my family.
In addition my gran died a year ago and one of my uncles died too all in the last couple of years, so it always seems whenever i chat to my family its always a case of ``oh god who has died now``
I just absolutly want nothing at all to do with the early part of my life, i hated it, i hated being bullied and being a nothing, even my cousin used to bully me.
This isnt a woe betide me post, in fact this is the first time ive ever mentioned it on here. I dont feel sorry for myself or anything.
But any time i connect with my parents/ family i just feel anxiety constantly always worried about `which uncle has died now`, or this or that..
I honestly think if i change my first name, i am not that person anymore, ie my first name, the people who bullied me, my family all know me with that first name
If i change my first name im a new person, it is like a new start, i have no connection to my old being old essence, especially considering i dont live in the town i was born in where i got bullied, and i dont see my parents often at all.
Sorry about the long winded message, but i just hate everything about me as a kid, i hate my family, but guilt keeps making me think ``i cant turn my back on them because thats bad and family are family`` etc, but at the end of the day my mother didnt give a shit about throwing me out of the house when i was 16 to live with my cousins, so i dont think i owe ANYTHING to my family to be honest..
But i am always living in the past and nostalgia and guilt about ``you cant do that your family will miss you, you owe them something``, when i dont owe them anything.
Im stil a young adult and i really want to just get on with my life and de-attach myself from what i was as a little kid
Can anyone reply sorry about the long winded message,
Oh and im a girl! :unsure:
---------- Post added at 12:34 ---------- Previous post was at 12:31 ----------
by the way, again if anyone can reply when they get time, i would appreciate it so much
hugs to everyone, have a nice day :)