sal
15-02-07, 18:42
I just thought i would share this with you as after all this time it sometimes still throws me totally of course.
My first day, on monday at my new job. Could it have got anyworse i ask myself. I had continuous panic attacks, the diazepam wasnt even taking the edge of them. I struggled all day, my realistic approach to getting my life back on map had just been slowly pulled away from me. I came home and cried and cried. I had failed in my head. I couldnt cope with the job or any other for that matter, the proof was staring me in the face. I couldnt settle all night, i felt sick, i wanted to curl up and hide and never face anyone again. I had by this time, in my head, lost my home as no wage coming in, no confidence as i hadnt coped and felt like i really wanted to die because my life had no point in it. I am serious when i say that because that is exactly how i felt.
I returned to work on the Tuesday morning, all night before i convinced myself how to get out of this without looking so much as i had let myself and everyone around me down. At work i told them i couldnt work away when required, great get out as some of the job would be working away, but they offered to locate me up in the north east. I told them this at 8.30 a.m. but stayed to wait for them to say i would have to work away so that was my exit. But at 10.30 they said the would cater for me and help all they could. A slight weight lifted but didnt i really want out of this because i felt i couldnt do it. I thought long and hard and decided i had nothing to lose but to carry on with the course and see how i coped. I got through the day and came home positive and confident that i had made that decision not to give in at the first hurdle.
So a day makes such a difference when we are feeling so anxious and how our state of mind can change. I just hope this helps someone if only one person that the stage where its all anxiety and panic that we can come through this and each day is so different and there is always a light however distant.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".
My first day, on monday at my new job. Could it have got anyworse i ask myself. I had continuous panic attacks, the diazepam wasnt even taking the edge of them. I struggled all day, my realistic approach to getting my life back on map had just been slowly pulled away from me. I came home and cried and cried. I had failed in my head. I couldnt cope with the job or any other for that matter, the proof was staring me in the face. I couldnt settle all night, i felt sick, i wanted to curl up and hide and never face anyone again. I had by this time, in my head, lost my home as no wage coming in, no confidence as i hadnt coped and felt like i really wanted to die because my life had no point in it. I am serious when i say that because that is exactly how i felt.
I returned to work on the Tuesday morning, all night before i convinced myself how to get out of this without looking so much as i had let myself and everyone around me down. At work i told them i couldnt work away when required, great get out as some of the job would be working away, but they offered to locate me up in the north east. I told them this at 8.30 a.m. but stayed to wait for them to say i would have to work away so that was my exit. But at 10.30 they said the would cater for me and help all they could. A slight weight lifted but didnt i really want out of this because i felt i couldnt do it. I thought long and hard and decided i had nothing to lose but to carry on with the course and see how i coped. I got through the day and came home positive and confident that i had made that decision not to give in at the first hurdle.
So a day makes such a difference when we are feeling so anxious and how our state of mind can change. I just hope this helps someone if only one person that the stage where its all anxiety and panic that we can come through this and each day is so different and there is always a light however distant.
Love Sal xx
Dont mess up the best things in your life, just because at present you are unsure who you are.
"Life is a distance and to travel that distance you were given the strength and guidance to do so".