View Full Version : Am I right to over think this?
Hello everyone,
Okay so, tomorrow as you probably all know is Halloween. Most people go out, get drunk and enjoy their selves. This is exactly what my girlfriend is doing, but without inviting me, she has invited another guy who consequently, is coming across the other side of the country and they have never even met before, as far as I know. She hasn't told me what they are doing, or where they are going. All I know it that she is going out.
Now, this wouldn't trouble me if she told me about him, and what they were doing, and things that one would like to know about a stranger who has some how won the trust of their girlfriend so easily. But instead she avoids every queue from me to talk about it.
This led to me, last night, writing almost a thousand words explaining that I would like to be able to communicate with her about certain things more. I told her that I had developed an anxious pattern of thought surrounding tomorrow and her life in general and that it is almost identical to when I had HA. (finding a symptom, looking for reassurance etc) except now for example I look for her being online and active (talking to someone when she isn't talking to me) and I then go and ask her what she is doing (reassurance seeking) I have explained this to her now. Last night infact.
Well today, again, she avoided the topic. I posted two questions and apparently she missed them and then replied to them in a very ambiguous way.
Am I right to feel like I do?
Just for some background info: We met via being Penpals over a year ago now. We have also been together for a year and live in two totally different places. In just over a month we will be moving in with one another near my hometown. Finally the only reason why I didn't ask to join her for Halloween is because according to her, her father said that I spend top much time there.
I am not sure whether anyone will be able to help, or shed any light on the situation. I mean, I could just be panicking over nothing. But it is really, really starting to affect me. Tomorrow will be hell.
MRS STRESS ED
30-10-15, 19:45
ermmm you say he is a stranger to her I would be a bit concerned to ,is she meeting him on her own ,try and make it clear to her what your concerns are and he might be lovely and the nicest guy in the world with no bad intentions but you don't no that ,I don't blame you having some anxiety about it xx:hugs:
ermmm you say he is a stranger to her I would be a bit concerned to ,is she meeting him on her own ,try and make it clear to her what your concerns are and he might be lovely and the nicest guy in the world with no bad intentions but you don't no that ,I don't blame you having some anxiety about it xx:hugs:
As far as I know yes, he is pretty much a stranger to her. Apart from talking online. Hopefully she is going to be with other people at least whilst they meet.
I feel that I have made it incredibly clear to her that I would like to know more about it all, but like I said, she avoids it..
I really do not know what to do about it. There is a part of me that thinks if a keep attempting to find out about it, I may almost push her away into doing something.
I also really hope I do not sound like one of those possessive boyfriends when writing this..
MRS STRESS ED
30-10-15, 19:57
I understand what you are saying but why is she avoiding telling you that wont help you and she should realise that ,try not to worry as you say she is with other people have you not said can you go xx
I understand what you are saying but why is she avoiding telling you that wont help you and she should realise that ,try not to worry as you say she is with other people have you not said can you go xx
Exactly what I said. I did mention to her that I am worrying over it, but that hasn't stopped the avoidance.
I don't know if she will be with anyone else, I just said I hoped :shrug:
And yes, I said in my first post that I would have asked to go. But according to her, her father said that I am there too often and would not be able to spend the night there.
Maybe I am just going to have to wait this one out, and hope some more.
MRS STRESS ED
30-10-15, 20:20
yeah see how it goes sorry I forgot she said her farther had said that hopefully it will be fine because at least she has told you about going out with him ,if it was something else experience tells me she would not be so forth coming in telling you see how it goes try not to worry xx good luck
So she won't give you details but did tell you someone was visiting ? If she was romantically involved with another lad and invited him over I doubt she would tell you. It'd make more sense to split up first or keep it secret.
You're supposed to be moving in together soon. It is odd. But you're just gonna have to assume she wouldn't hurt you like that.
"Well ok then. You're spending Halloween with some dude off the Internet and won't give me any details lol. I don't have much option but to trust you really do I ? Have a nice weekend"
What else can you do. You're right, be weary of freeking out over it all. Keep your cool. It does seem pretty doubtful that she'd hurt you in such a way.
For all you know she's trying to make you jealous or her dads behind something. You just don't know so play it cool and trust her. You might be rewarded for it. On the other hand, go all psych about it and it might blow up in your face.
If she does do something idiotic, it's her loss anyway let it be on her conscience. Do something else, enjoy today and tomorrow and just believe everything is still the same until told otherwise.
Thank you Oosh and Stress Ed.
I understand that it is illogical for her to tell me that she would be meeting someone, and then have bad intentions. So perhaps I am wrong.
Cannot stop thinking about this..
It's not gonna be an easy weekend. You need to keep cool and get it out of the way.
Find something else to do to keep you occupied. The chat room here works on mobiles now so plonk yourself in there and chat to people to pass the time.
No matter how insecure you feel about things flapping about it to her is not going to help matters so give her some space and relax. Pick things back up on Sunday or Monday and just get on with her in your normal way and look forward.
Recently has she still been keen about you two moving in together in a month ?
I find it perculiar that her dad is making comments about how often you see her and yet is seemingly ok with her moving in with you in a month.
So with unknowns out there it's important you keep your cool.
Sometimes with things like this it's about waiting a short while then coming back to it. There may not be the answers or reassurance you're waiting for this weekend but you may have them next week or in the coming weeks.
Keep your cool, act normal and hopefully you can be reassured by SEEING that everything is ok.
If you were invited would you go ?
If you went would you be cool with who ever she chats to?
Why does Daddy not want you over how is your relationship with him?
It seems strange that she wont discuss who he is with you or what she is doing maybe because she's hiding something ? OR maybe she's feeling restrained ? Perhaps you know the answere already
What do you think?
Just asking x
sophieunderscore
31-10-15, 10:09
Sorry if I'm in the minority here, but I would be absolutely fuming if my partner did this to me...!
I understand that with anxiety we get worried about things and seek reassurance, but for her to not even tell you the basic details of the weekend? Or who this person is? No wonder you're stressing out! I'm not saying that her intent is to do anything dodgy, or suspicious, but I would be really upset if my partner made plans and then refused to discuss them with me.
Try not to stress yourself out too much this weekend, as Oosh has said, the chatroom is now open, distract yourself as much as you can.
If I was invited I would go, yes. This is another thing I have tried to hint at.
Yes I would be fine, like I said, I am not one of those guys to get angry whenever their girlfriend looks at another guy. I just find what is currently going on, odd.
I have always thought that we got on fairly well.
Restrained? What do you mean? As if she couldn't talk about it with me? Because I have said that I would like to be able to communicate more.
Forgot to quote. The above was in response to Cristines comment.
And thank you Sophie, it is nice to hear that I am not the only one who would struggle with it.
sophieunderscore
31-10-15, 10:15
Maybe she feels like if she talks to you about it then you will worry more and she thinks she's doing the right thing, but I just feel like it's causing you unnecessary upset by hiding things, if she doesn't talk to you then your brain is going to concoct all sorts of scenarios which are a million miles away from what's actually going on. Definitely something to discuss once this weekend is passed!
I hope she doesn't feel that way. I mean, I have made it so clear that I would much rather know than not at all. It is just so hard. She knows how much I am struggling recently. I just don't understand.
I will try and distract myself, pretty much the only thing I can do.
I'd be very bothered by it too. But how much can you do when you don't fully understand what's going on yet ? It's very odd.
Sunflower2
31-10-15, 12:00
It would really frustrate me too, I think your reaction was pretty normal. I would tell her straight what you think, and I would also ask why she doesn't want you to come.
Give her the benefit of the doubt, but if it happens again be clear that it isn't acceptable to treat you like that!
Just my opinion though, I expect to be treated with the same respect I give others.
Feel like I could be sick and it is only twenty to six.
Sending messages, and she reads them, but no reply.
MRS STRESS ED
01-11-15, 16:02
Feel like I could be sick and it is only twenty to six.
Sending messages, and she reads them, but no reply.
Hopefully you were not sick 😧I have been thinking about you love how did you cope are you okay 👍
Hi,
I would be absolutely livid. I dont want to add to your anxiety but the whole thing just sounds odd to me. I also don't think her dad has said that at all. What happened in the end? I would be very wary about moving in with someone who was keeping things from me. X
If I was invited I would go, yes. This is another thing I have tried to hint at.
Yes I would be fine, like I said, I am not one of those guys to get angry whenever their girlfriend looks at another guy. I just find what is currently going on, odd.
I have always thought that we got on fairly well.
Restrained? What do you mean? As if she couldn't talk about it with me? Because I have said that I would like to be able to communicate more.
Forgot to quote. The above was in response to Cristines comment.
And thank you Sophie, it is nice to hear that I am not the only one who would struggle with it.
Hi luna hope you are okay :winks: I was just trying to suggest another angle incase it could shed some light on the mystery ?- I found the dad excuse very strange ? Especially if you're meant to be moving in together? Hope it works out the way you want
:bighug1:
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.