life lessons

[Emma1027]

i guess as we get older we learn who our friends are as to speak and who stab us in the back ie not true friends. id hate to say i prefer my own company over others and that i lock myself away in a dark room. i guess when you work with people who knock you down its hard to be around people sometimes. ive had years of been bullying so maybe that contributes to my anxiety. does anyone else feel like this ie suffer with a lack of confidence ? i try not to worry about everything and focus on becoming stronger as a individual. independence can actually be a good thing but you can also block people out too.

[Oosh]

LOADS of people like that.

Be careful of associating crapiness with people in general. It doesn't help you to see all people like that and to feel more comfortable away from them.

You tend to find what you're looking for so try, when you look at people, to see
Them being a friend to you
Them liking and enjoying you
Them being themselves, their particular personality then coming back and how nice and interesting it is to have their particular personality as your friend.
Them standing up for you.
Them needing YOUR support.

Look for it in any stranger you see. You're looking to change how you see and feel about other people. Change it away from expecting people to be negative towards you.

Do you not like you're job ? If there are people there who have become used to treating you negatively can you not gravitate to nicer people there (who fit the above) or change your job to something that doesn't make you unhappy ?

Don't give up on people. There ARE lots of good people in the world. You just tend not to see them if you're looking for and are weary of the nastier side to people.

Focus on what's good and likeable about you. How could you be that good friend (above) to others. See yourself as that good friend in the world who could really be of value to someone (like you) who needed one. Like other people, like yourself. Actively take some time to picture and feel these things. Then look at people like that when you're out. It can change how you feel. It's so easy to just become weary and cautious of everyone and you just don't see the friend/good in people anymore.

[Emma1027]

Thank you, that's really helpful to know and has given me a few things to think about. I am going to try to look at things from different angles.

[Rennie1989]

I too was bullied and I therefore have a very small number of friends and much prefer my own company (not all of the time, mind you). Although we are learning all of the time we will never be savvy on these life lessons, I've seen my 50-something year old parents stunned by people's behaviours and attitudes, like towards my abusive ex (who had no idea he was like that at the beginning) and from the awful things family have said to them. So, you can't protect yourself from every pain caused by people, but if you try to you risk being incredibly lonely and off-ish.

[Superworrier]

Hey Hun you know I learned only a few weeks ago that a friend I have had for over 30 years and truly classed as my sister ( her Son calls me his aunt as does mine her ), well I found out that she had stabbed me in the back in the cruelest way .

It hurt and still does hurt like hell as I shared so much with her and it also hurt that my best friend knew what had happened and didnt tell me .

Me and him talked into the early hours and I relise now why he didn't tell me .

I have some amazing friends who I met at school but I truly thought she was the best of the bunch I was so wrong .

So I know the hurt of somene you love like family hurting you but I also know I have friends who would walk through fire for me .

You are strong .