I think I am struggling and don't know what to do anymore!

[TheMadOladCoger]

I am finally getting to the point where its all getting to much for me all this jumping from one thing to another is getting to me now. I was happy not to long ago now I think about is the next problem that I will more than likely have. I have spent months fixated on lymph nodes and now due to my repeat Googling I have broke I can't continue. I Googled today again as I have been having some odd symptoms Itchy legs with what looks like a rash all over them, swollen Lymph Nodes and big yellow bruises on my left leg. I just can't shake the feeling that something is wrong but I can't have every thing under the sun but I can't let that go. I just feel as its to much for me now I miss the time before this when my anxiety was only over silly little things not my health.

I have started to get help as I know I need it but it won't be happening yet I need to wait as that is how it works. I have started to spiral out of control I am tired and stressed and just not happy anymore.

[kellie39]

i so understand how you feel, ive been feeling like this now for 2 weeks and its consuming my whole life. i cant seem to concentrate on anything else and its driving me mad.

have you felt like this for long?

[TheMadOladCoger]

Its been going on since about June now. So its pretty long but not as long as some other on the boards.

[kellie39]

how are you on a day to day basis?
have you seen the doc? if so did they reassure you that everything is ok?

health anxiety is so bloody hard isnt it
xx

[TheMadOladCoger]

I'm okay day to day I function well enough to get up and do my stuff each day, I don't seem very well anymore as I am stressed a lot.

I have seen quite a lot of doctors since my HA started they have never picked up on anything bad, I was there last week about my Lymph Nodes and he wasn't worried. He is good with my HA and understand I can't control it even put my with the company that will hopefully be helping me with therapy soon.

HA is hard I mean any anxiety is hard but on focused on something so important to use is really hard.

[HopelessWorrier2011]

I wholly sympathise with you, I have been feeling the same since February of this year. It is exhausting x

[TheMadOladCoger]

I am sorry to hear you have been having the problem for so long, It really takes its toll on the body and the mind. I just wish I didn't worry about everything new like the Yellow bruises that I keep finding on my leg. I don't remember doing them but they are there and I am just worried about them so much. I wish it would all just go away but that doesn't seem to be happening.

[HopelessWorrier2011]

Have you accessed any available Therapy? I know I need too but I'm struggling to fit this in being a busy working mother of two. If it makes you feel any better, I had a bruise on my big toe nail, and you guessed it, convinced myself it was skin cancer of the bed nail (cringing as I type this), guess what?...... It was a bruise haha

[TheMadOladCoger]

I have just gotten off the phone from my first therapy type session, so I am trying to deal with it. I to problem just have 5 bruises its just the fact that they are Yellow in colour and I don't remember getting them. I normally worry about things like Lymphoma but this time I am worried about Leukaemia and I just can't shake the thoughts.

I feel sorry for you i struggle with Uni work and HA you have to look after your family and deal with it. That must be hard for you.

[HopelessWorrier2011]

Yellow bruises indicate old bruises so they must be healing and is a good sign. I can't begin to explain how exhausted I feel with it all, but I'm sure you have felt the same.

Our mind does love to play tricks with us, it's so frustrating when you genuinely do not want to feel this way. My children are happy and content which makes me feel better knowing I have shielded them from my little demon which is anxiety.

[TheMadOladCoger]

That is a good sign I just don't remember them being there before they turned yellow, yeah I have felt the same at point its horrible.

It really does everything small is something big in our eyes, thats good to hear I wouldn't like to see a child go through what we do being young my self only 22 I know how it effects my mind but if I was a child it would be hell. I am glad that they are happy that much make you feel better at points knowing that.

[Liviguy]

I've been suffering on and off now for 23 years. It's a horrible thing is HA.

[HopelessWorrier2011]

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and we should all be as strong as an OX by now:unsure::unsure: haha

[Liviguy]

I look back over the years (when I had all these 'life threatening' illnesses) and think what a bloody waste of life.

[TheMadOladCoger]

I haven't been suffering that long but I look back at my break from Uni, I had 5 months off and was planning to enjoy myself and work. In the end I did nothing just waste my time on Google. It is a big time sync.

[HopelessWorrier2011]

A little read for all my fellow worriers:-

I find writing down my thoughts and feelings in a poetic way, provides me with some comfort if that makes sense?

I spend each day fighting your urges,
But a symptom appears and my anxiety surges.

Fatigue, that description doesn't come close,
Exhaustion is what I feel the most.

Exhausted of my brain telling me the end is nigh,
But my logic is fighting it, I'm not about to die.

This dark place I've found myself, I see no end,
These symptoms are sending me round the bend.

I will fight this, for that I know,
This little devil, I will show.

For I am strong, much stronger than most,
For I have had to fight a thousand ghosts.

You all have your demons and your own little fights,
But remember this world has far better sights.

For when you feel you have hit wall,
Just remember there's a life out there for us all.

I hope you all find some comfort from this to know you are not alone, there are many people on here fighting this confusing deliberating illness.

Much love

xxx