mnaha
03-11-15, 23:32
Im sick of living this way. Every since I can remember I have had anxiety and been afraid of something. My life has been one struggle after another. At times the anxiety has subsided but it has been with me most of my 61 years.
Im just sick of it and just don't want to live being tormented like this day and night. I have tried to ignore it but over the years it has kept me from enjoying so many things that I wanted to do and needed to do and enjoyed.
I have always worried about being sick and worried about getting hurt or killed and frankly I don't know how I have survived this long. It is miserable. Now at age 61 im terrified that the shoe is going to drop anytime from being older and im going to have a heart attack or stroke or some other bizarre thing happen to me.
I don't drink ,never have ,don't use drugs other than the ones im prescribed but do smoke but it doesn't seem to affect me like other people. I have smoked for forty something years and have had xrays and ct scans and checks and nothing..no lung cancer,throat cancer or anything from smoking. My arteries are suppose to be clear and my body pretty healthy besides having pre diabetes .
I do have high blood pressure but since I lost weight I think that my blood pressure is down and I also take blood pressure meds that are suppose to keep it down and have . I take metformin for blood sugar and between eating right ,losing weight and taking meds my blood sugar is good.
We have traveled extensively and never had any issues but when we are living somewhere we get settled in and I don't like going anywhere so we stay at home. I am terrified of going to the doctor and I suppose to go every month to get medicine refills but lately he has let me slide four months because he knew that it made me nervous but now I have to go back to see him because I cannot get my medicines without seeing him.
Just thinking about it scares me to death ,also I have refils on my some of my medicines which makes me nervous just thinking about going to the pharmacy. Like I said we don't get out very much so it scares me about going out anywhere.
I have skipping heart all the time. It seems like it comes from gas and it scares me so bad ,I feel that I wish it would just stop so I would be free of being in a constant state of fear.
I look in the news everyday and see actors and actresses that live to be in their 80's and 90's and they smoked and drank and used drugs forever and didn't die and I never did that except smoked , yet I am terrified since I am 61 that I will die any minute ,have a heart attack,stroke or whatever.
Everytime you read anything fatal online it says if you are 55 or older or 60 and older this and that could kill you . I have bad teeth and terrified to go to the dentist. I have a swollen lymph node I have had for a year that the doctor said was from on going dental issues.
My eyes are bad and I desperately need to see a eye doctor but terrified to go there too, although my doctor set me up with one I missed the appointment.
Lately I have been having stomach trouble and worry it could be from heart issues although my doctor says my heart is fine. Even when I was in the hospital with tacycardia the staff all said my heart was fine and I was monitored for seven days 24/7 and then had a ecg and four cardiologist checked my ecg and said my heart was fine and even in my follow up my internist said my heart is fine.. but I still worry with the skipping all the time.
My heart skips when I urinate and when I deficate and also when I am just doing nothing or moving around. It all seems to have something to do with gasses but not sure. Last night I was so tired and wanted to go to sleep but was so worried I barely could get to sleep because I was afraid there was something wrong with me.
Also I haven't really had a panic attack in a long time. I was reading somethings online last night,nothing to do with heart or medicine and all of a sudden I felt an adrenaline rush and it was like I couldn't settle down. I am not sure what happen and why I had it but now im terrified it could happen again out of the blue.
It just doesn't seem fair that I have to live this way .I have read so much and tried so hard to shake the fear and just blow off everything. I cannot. I have not had therapy in a long time but I don't think it would help. It really never has.
I just rather not have to deal with this anymore and just don't want to live this way constant state of terror and fear. It sucks. My wife doesn't understand why im always afraid of things and tells me that im in good health. When I complain that I think my heart is doing something or bad she says the doctor says no there is nothing wrong with my heart.
I am just at a lost of what to do . I don't want to live this way anymore .61 years of it is enough. I am at the end of my rope and running out of it.
I am sorry my post is so long.I am just so tired of this so very tired.I am not sure what the purpose of this post is but felt like it might make me feel better. Does anyone else feel the way I do ? What do you do about it?
How do you get over being afraid of everything.Everyday a struggle and terror ,sick of it.
Im just sick of it and just don't want to live being tormented like this day and night. I have tried to ignore it but over the years it has kept me from enjoying so many things that I wanted to do and needed to do and enjoyed.
I have always worried about being sick and worried about getting hurt or killed and frankly I don't know how I have survived this long. It is miserable. Now at age 61 im terrified that the shoe is going to drop anytime from being older and im going to have a heart attack or stroke or some other bizarre thing happen to me.
I don't drink ,never have ,don't use drugs other than the ones im prescribed but do smoke but it doesn't seem to affect me like other people. I have smoked for forty something years and have had xrays and ct scans and checks and nothing..no lung cancer,throat cancer or anything from smoking. My arteries are suppose to be clear and my body pretty healthy besides having pre diabetes .
I do have high blood pressure but since I lost weight I think that my blood pressure is down and I also take blood pressure meds that are suppose to keep it down and have . I take metformin for blood sugar and between eating right ,losing weight and taking meds my blood sugar is good.
We have traveled extensively and never had any issues but when we are living somewhere we get settled in and I don't like going anywhere so we stay at home. I am terrified of going to the doctor and I suppose to go every month to get medicine refills but lately he has let me slide four months because he knew that it made me nervous but now I have to go back to see him because I cannot get my medicines without seeing him.
Just thinking about it scares me to death ,also I have refils on my some of my medicines which makes me nervous just thinking about going to the pharmacy. Like I said we don't get out very much so it scares me about going out anywhere.
I have skipping heart all the time. It seems like it comes from gas and it scares me so bad ,I feel that I wish it would just stop so I would be free of being in a constant state of fear.
I look in the news everyday and see actors and actresses that live to be in their 80's and 90's and they smoked and drank and used drugs forever and didn't die and I never did that except smoked , yet I am terrified since I am 61 that I will die any minute ,have a heart attack,stroke or whatever.
Everytime you read anything fatal online it says if you are 55 or older or 60 and older this and that could kill you . I have bad teeth and terrified to go to the dentist. I have a swollen lymph node I have had for a year that the doctor said was from on going dental issues.
My eyes are bad and I desperately need to see a eye doctor but terrified to go there too, although my doctor set me up with one I missed the appointment.
Lately I have been having stomach trouble and worry it could be from heart issues although my doctor says my heart is fine. Even when I was in the hospital with tacycardia the staff all said my heart was fine and I was monitored for seven days 24/7 and then had a ecg and four cardiologist checked my ecg and said my heart was fine and even in my follow up my internist said my heart is fine.. but I still worry with the skipping all the time.
My heart skips when I urinate and when I deficate and also when I am just doing nothing or moving around. It all seems to have something to do with gasses but not sure. Last night I was so tired and wanted to go to sleep but was so worried I barely could get to sleep because I was afraid there was something wrong with me.
Also I haven't really had a panic attack in a long time. I was reading somethings online last night,nothing to do with heart or medicine and all of a sudden I felt an adrenaline rush and it was like I couldn't settle down. I am not sure what happen and why I had it but now im terrified it could happen again out of the blue.
It just doesn't seem fair that I have to live this way .I have read so much and tried so hard to shake the fear and just blow off everything. I cannot. I have not had therapy in a long time but I don't think it would help. It really never has.
I just rather not have to deal with this anymore and just don't want to live this way constant state of terror and fear. It sucks. My wife doesn't understand why im always afraid of things and tells me that im in good health. When I complain that I think my heart is doing something or bad she says the doctor says no there is nothing wrong with my heart.
I am just at a lost of what to do . I don't want to live this way anymore .61 years of it is enough. I am at the end of my rope and running out of it.
I am sorry my post is so long.I am just so tired of this so very tired.I am not sure what the purpose of this post is but felt like it might make me feel better. Does anyone else feel the way I do ? What do you do about it?
How do you get over being afraid of everything.Everyday a struggle and terror ,sick of it.