anxious26
04-11-15, 17:27
Hi!
I am a new member of the forum, and have been struggling with an increasing amount of health anxiety the last year. The last couple of weeks it has really gotten to a point where it has truly become a huge issue. Throughout my childhood I grew up with a mother that was severely sick, and she sadly passed away about 10 years ago. I presume this has a lot to do with my feelings now.
The last year I have been convinced I have had: stroke, heart problems, high blood pressure, brain tumor, kidney problems, lymphoma, skin cancer, penile cancer, prostate cancer, and right now, leukaemia. I have been to the doctor more than 10 times in a couple of months, and I have always been reassured that everything was in order. In fact, during this time I have never even had to have my blood taken.
My current leukaemia fear started with what I though was petechiae and recurring sore throat. Last week I went to the doctor, who assured me that the rash was in fact completely normal and something that comes with age. Since then, my sore throat has persisted (combined with nightmares and rapid heartbeat during the night, which I of course interpret as night sweats even though I am nowhere near soaking the sheets). I once again went to the doctor asking straight-out about the possibility of the disease, and said that I preferred a blood test. But, like the previous doctor, she was so certain that it was just a virus that my symptoms did not require a blood test. This should of course have reassured and calmed me, but obviously I now think that two doctors have missed a life-threatening disease. If not missed, I am certain that I am in some kind of "initial phase", where it only will go downhill from here. Also, the doctor today felt my lymph nodes, and said that they were completely normal except for possibly a very slight increased size on one size. This I of course interpreted as another sign of the disease, instead of taking in the reassurance from the doctor that the node felt completely normal (and that it in fact was very natural for the "enlargement" considering the virus). I just cannot shake away the thought that my life is just a big wait for that moment where I will get a terrible disease, and that that moment will happen soon.
The last week I have been so convinced of the disease that I have almost had a panic attack every single day, lying on the floor crying (since it has felt so real, like I have already gotten the disease). It has started to severely impact my daily life and my relation, and it has made a lot of other things problematic (job hunting, school etc.). Because of this I have started CBT for the problem, and have just finished my first appointment.
The problem is that while I appreciate and trust the doctors and psychologist in the moment, I constantly in the back of my head see vivid pictures of me getting told that I have cancer, and the horrified surprise when all these people realise that they were wrong.
I have read through the guides on this forum several times. For one thing it has helped me to realise that the googling of symptoms most likely participated in starting this whole anxiety-cycle, and I have definitely tried to stop the information-search, even though I sometimes fall back into the destructive cycle. Looking forward to meeting other people in the same, scary situation!
//
I am a new member of the forum, and have been struggling with an increasing amount of health anxiety the last year. The last couple of weeks it has really gotten to a point where it has truly become a huge issue. Throughout my childhood I grew up with a mother that was severely sick, and she sadly passed away about 10 years ago. I presume this has a lot to do with my feelings now.
The last year I have been convinced I have had: stroke, heart problems, high blood pressure, brain tumor, kidney problems, lymphoma, skin cancer, penile cancer, prostate cancer, and right now, leukaemia. I have been to the doctor more than 10 times in a couple of months, and I have always been reassured that everything was in order. In fact, during this time I have never even had to have my blood taken.
My current leukaemia fear started with what I though was petechiae and recurring sore throat. Last week I went to the doctor, who assured me that the rash was in fact completely normal and something that comes with age. Since then, my sore throat has persisted (combined with nightmares and rapid heartbeat during the night, which I of course interpret as night sweats even though I am nowhere near soaking the sheets). I once again went to the doctor asking straight-out about the possibility of the disease, and said that I preferred a blood test. But, like the previous doctor, she was so certain that it was just a virus that my symptoms did not require a blood test. This should of course have reassured and calmed me, but obviously I now think that two doctors have missed a life-threatening disease. If not missed, I am certain that I am in some kind of "initial phase", where it only will go downhill from here. Also, the doctor today felt my lymph nodes, and said that they were completely normal except for possibly a very slight increased size on one size. This I of course interpreted as another sign of the disease, instead of taking in the reassurance from the doctor that the node felt completely normal (and that it in fact was very natural for the "enlargement" considering the virus). I just cannot shake away the thought that my life is just a big wait for that moment where I will get a terrible disease, and that that moment will happen soon.
The last week I have been so convinced of the disease that I have almost had a panic attack every single day, lying on the floor crying (since it has felt so real, like I have already gotten the disease). It has started to severely impact my daily life and my relation, and it has made a lot of other things problematic (job hunting, school etc.). Because of this I have started CBT for the problem, and have just finished my first appointment.
The problem is that while I appreciate and trust the doctors and psychologist in the moment, I constantly in the back of my head see vivid pictures of me getting told that I have cancer, and the horrified surprise when all these people realise that they were wrong.
I have read through the guides on this forum several times. For one thing it has helped me to realise that the googling of symptoms most likely participated in starting this whole anxiety-cycle, and I have definitely tried to stop the information-search, even though I sometimes fall back into the destructive cycle. Looking forward to meeting other people in the same, scary situation!
//