robin321
05-11-15, 19:02
Brief background on me:
I have an actual chronic illness - crohns. Luckily for me it hasn't impacted my life much, except for a few brief periods. No surgeries or anything.
I used to forget about it, and not take my medication. This did damage over the long term, and in 2011 I got serious. In 2012 I got a new doctor, a new stronger medication, and have been doing much better.
I get blood work every 3 months, and see my doc every 6 months.
Usually my crohns doesn't bother me. I have it, have had it for 22 of my 40 years, and I put it to the side.
This brings me to the new crisis. So I saw my doctor on a month ago. He said my blood work looked good, and that I was in remission. Good, right? Well he asked if I still poop 2-3 x a day and I said yes. But I was guessing, since it was in the background of my life - I wasn't totally sure.
Anyway, the next day I had loose stool because I ate a big salad. But this started me going to Dr Google. I started looking things up, and saw that anything more than 3 times a day is too much. Then I got nervous, and kept feeling like pooping. I ended up going 5 times. Mainly not 'D' but poop.
For the next few days I was anxious, and kept thinking I had to poo. I would go 4-5 times a day.
This was an obsession for a bit, but then I had a busy day at work. And that day I only went twice. So I felt much better! That week I went 3 times a day all week.
But I started to lose weight. See, I also exercise a lot. 3 days of intense personal training, and 2 days of running every week. But the losing weight scared me, and I was anxious it was that.
So last weekend I ate like crap, got loose stool and freaked out about it.
Then it kept being loose. Finally after the weekend it was solid again, but now I stopped eating as much, being afraid to poop.
Something that hasn't bothered me for 22 years is now stressing me, and taking over my life. I am miserable each time I poo, afraid to look down in case it is loose. I am eating less, which isn't healthy. I am counting my movements, and am depressed and anxious when it is over 3.
I saw my therapist yesterday. She basically thought that I am on the OCD spectrum for Health Anxiety - that these intrusive thoughts are coming in because I have a fear of emotion (not anxiety but real emotion) and that I need to get mad at the thoughts, and put them in their place.
I felt much better. But today I am wondering if I need to call my doctor to ask if it would make a diff if I said 3-5 times, instead of 2-3? Some might say - yes do it! Because that would give me reassurance. But if I don't deal with the anxiety issue, I will move onto something else.
And 4 years ago I went to the doctor for reassurance on a lymph node, pushed for testing that they didn't want to do, and had a big 3 month scare. So sometimes it is better not to look for trouble. I will see him in 5 months, have my blood in 1 month. I have had this for 22 years, surely logically 5 months is nothing when I feel good (except anxiety).
Oh and I am scared that the stress will cause a flare up - which is in turn making me more anxious.
I have an actual chronic illness - crohns. Luckily for me it hasn't impacted my life much, except for a few brief periods. No surgeries or anything.
I used to forget about it, and not take my medication. This did damage over the long term, and in 2011 I got serious. In 2012 I got a new doctor, a new stronger medication, and have been doing much better.
I get blood work every 3 months, and see my doc every 6 months.
Usually my crohns doesn't bother me. I have it, have had it for 22 of my 40 years, and I put it to the side.
This brings me to the new crisis. So I saw my doctor on a month ago. He said my blood work looked good, and that I was in remission. Good, right? Well he asked if I still poop 2-3 x a day and I said yes. But I was guessing, since it was in the background of my life - I wasn't totally sure.
Anyway, the next day I had loose stool because I ate a big salad. But this started me going to Dr Google. I started looking things up, and saw that anything more than 3 times a day is too much. Then I got nervous, and kept feeling like pooping. I ended up going 5 times. Mainly not 'D' but poop.
For the next few days I was anxious, and kept thinking I had to poo. I would go 4-5 times a day.
This was an obsession for a bit, but then I had a busy day at work. And that day I only went twice. So I felt much better! That week I went 3 times a day all week.
But I started to lose weight. See, I also exercise a lot. 3 days of intense personal training, and 2 days of running every week. But the losing weight scared me, and I was anxious it was that.
So last weekend I ate like crap, got loose stool and freaked out about it.
Then it kept being loose. Finally after the weekend it was solid again, but now I stopped eating as much, being afraid to poop.
Something that hasn't bothered me for 22 years is now stressing me, and taking over my life. I am miserable each time I poo, afraid to look down in case it is loose. I am eating less, which isn't healthy. I am counting my movements, and am depressed and anxious when it is over 3.
I saw my therapist yesterday. She basically thought that I am on the OCD spectrum for Health Anxiety - that these intrusive thoughts are coming in because I have a fear of emotion (not anxiety but real emotion) and that I need to get mad at the thoughts, and put them in their place.
I felt much better. But today I am wondering if I need to call my doctor to ask if it would make a diff if I said 3-5 times, instead of 2-3? Some might say - yes do it! Because that would give me reassurance. But if I don't deal with the anxiety issue, I will move onto something else.
And 4 years ago I went to the doctor for reassurance on a lymph node, pushed for testing that they didn't want to do, and had a big 3 month scare. So sometimes it is better not to look for trouble. I will see him in 5 months, have my blood in 1 month. I have had this for 22 years, surely logically 5 months is nothing when I feel good (except anxiety).
Oh and I am scared that the stress will cause a flare up - which is in turn making me more anxious.