setback major blip

[jayb1]

How do I start? After weekly psychotherapy appointments (14) I felt I was starting to get somewhere. I was starting to manage the panic attacks without running to the diazepam just taking my 225mg venlafaxine and a half diazepam. The sheer terror that I was waking up with was starting to ease and it was becoming a little less terrifying going through the door managing to go in 2 tiny shops on my own while mum waited outside. After the a and e visit and the journey to the assessment centre for the cancelled appointment I've had a huge setback . I hate to use that word because it even sounds negative but blip is too small to describe it. Morning terror is back , i ve got no control over the panic attacksand and back to taking 2 diazepam just to get through the day. Im still doing my walks into town with mum and going in a couple of shops but its horrendous . Every day I say right come on ,you were doing so well let's start again but its just not working. Am I just not giving myself enough time to get over the fact I had to do 4 car journeys after not travelling for 10 years? All the advice I give to other people of distraction and coping techniques and relaxation just isn't working for me.help me !

[ana]

Hello Jay,

please be reassured in the knowledge that setbacks are very common, and in no way do they mean that you have stopped making progress and have instead gone backwards on your road to recovery. :)

I can tell you from personal experience that I have had long spells of anxiety-free days only to find myself in a constant state of panic and tension a week or so after the good period. It's a curvy road, and there is no need to be alarmed.

The therapy is taking effect, but in order to unearth the root cause of the anxiety problem, some digging needs to be done which the subconscious mind always resists. Try and speak to your therapist and reflect on your sessions as that may help you figure out what set the blip (this is a blip, not a setback, you can't go backwards if you're making all the steps in the right direction, right?). Distractions only work temporarily and their effect is never permanent, hence why they aren't working for you at the moment. I'd recommend speaking to your therapist and going back in time so as to find out what's made you so upset.

I really hope you feel better soon! :)

[jayb1]

Thanks ana. You know after having suffered with this for 20 years 30 if you count the eating disorder years I would know better. This last meltdown ,been off work for 12 months, has knocked me for six. Can't seem to bounce back like I have done in the past. This blip seems to have drained me of any confidence that I will be able to. But I've done it before therefore I can do it again . right ?

[Pepperpot]

Course you can. Positive thinking all the way. :)

[ana]

Of course! I've had it happen to me multiple times in the past, but the thing is, when it happens, all you can think about is how you'll never be well again. Your mind goes 'aha! you see now, you can't get better! this is how you're meant to feel forever; recovery is not for you!' There is a tendency to forget about all the good times and remember all those awful moments of anxiety and panic.

I've been suffering for almost 15 years now, and I have to keep reminding myself that whenever I'm going through a tough time, it's only temporary. 'It has to get worse in order to feel better' is what I tell myself. Besides, my therapist tells me that by analysing the reactions I have to certain events (i.e. when I have a set back), we are one step closer to discovering what it is that the panic attacks are serving me for. The way I see it, I need them for something, they are my protective shield. Against what? The answer's hidden in the subconsciousness.

Please remind yourself of all the battles you've won so far. It may be useful to make a note of those for future reference as a confidence-booster :)

[jayb1]

Thanks guys. I actually woke up feeling a bit better this morning. I think talking it out has eased the pressure. Not going out today because its pouring down maybe thats helping too. Will try to take only 1 diazepam today . Fingers crossed.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Jay,

I think it's just a question of having a rather traumatic knock from what you had no choice but to do.

If your therapist was doing exposure exercises he/she would be using a graduated system lowest to highest, they wouldn't go straight in at the highest ones. Exposures doing that were known as "flooding" with the idea of exposing you to the worst things but it's not very successful hence ERP is used which is based on Pavlov's work with habituation & extinction.

This is what is often referred to as "environmental" triggers. We can't control them and have to find a way to get through them. Ultimately, they can effect us quite badly and it's not just a question of it being for those hours, it can last days. I've had it too and it's like your anxiety level has gone up a few notches and got stuck. It takes a bit of time but it comes back down to where you were before.

I don't see these as blips, as you didn't, they are more "knocks" to me. Blips are more where you temporarily seem to go backwards a bit but what you experienced was more traumatic.

As you have seen, it has eased now. Thats usually how I found it with pressures when I was fighting my employer over my conditions or when I broke my wisdom tooth and needed the dentist.

Your agoraphobia was always going to take a big knock from what you had to go through and because of this higher level of anxiety it will make things you could do seem that bit harder but this really won't last. Don't be surprised if for a few more trips your shops still seem a bit harder because I always found that these knocks hit your confidence and you slip backwards very slightly in terms of how comfortable you were with the things you had achieved before. It will soon come back though because you've already done it so it's much easier than starting a new goal when this happens.

[ana]

Jay,

I'm glad you're feeling better. Talking things out always makes a big difference as it releases the tension. Please make a note of this experience so that when it happens again, you don't feel discouraged and like you've gone backwards. There is no backwards. ;)

[jayb1]

Reassuring as usual terry . What you've said, what you're all saying I know is true it's just the stupid irrational side of my brain coming in to play. Got the stupid funny heartbeats now and I'm just trying to breathe through it before it becomes a full blown attack. Regardless of the weather mum's taking me for a walk tomorrow and we'll do my "safe shops"

[ana]

'Safe shops' are fine and well, until you're ready to get out of your comfort zone. The most important thing is that you keep going out, even if it's just to your safe places and for a short period of time. It all counts as progress.

Try deep abdominal breathing... Inhale to the count of 22...23....24 while ballooning out your belly, hold for a second and exhale to the same count, sucking the belly into the spine. This breathing exercise helps relax me instantly, even if I'm in the middle of a full-blown panic attack

[jayb1]

Thanks ana I find in for 4 out for 7 works for me the only time I can't do belly breathing is when I'm walking which is when I need it most , when I'm outside I have to stop do the breathing exercises for a bit then start again. Its obviously a mental block with me but I keep practising. It's so good being able to talk to people who totally understand and as a long term anxiety sufferer like me I know you do. Thanks again

[ana]

I understand what you mean - it's very reassuring being able to speak with people who know what you are going through, and you're quite welcome. :)

Ah yes, in for 4 out for 7 does the trick as well, and I have the same problem when it comes to panicking while walking. I mentioned this to my therapist and she said 'well, then stop to breathe.' I felt silly not having thought of this myself,lol. The main impulse is, of course, to keep on walking, running, to get away as fast as I can!
However, I took her up on the advice when I was panicking on my way from work the other day, and it helped! I stopped walking and wouldn't restart until I'd settled down.