Why am I still worrying?

[Toby2000]

Okay for the past couple of months I've been really worried about my mum having lung cancer because she had this bad cough for almost three months that I thought was getting worse. She quit smoking about 2 months ago, so I had/have a feeling that was the cause (I've read up on a smokers cough). She went to the doctors to try and reassure me and the doctor listened to her chest and it all sounded fine. I assume with lung cancer it'd probably sound all wheezy and restricted, but it didn't. Also, she now only coughs a few times a day and it's not really chesty anymore like it was, so I think this means it's all getting better and was just a smokers cough? I'm guessing if it was lung cancer then it wouldn't get better, only worse because believe me it is better now than it was.

The thing is, even though I know deep, deep down that my mum's okay I just keep worrying. I keep checking her temperature, asking her to check for blood in her phlegm and I even check daily to see if the tips of her fingers are clubbed (that's a symptom of lung cancer). I'm scared I'm gonna convince myself that she has yet another condition, brain cancer for example because she gets headaches a couple of times a week and has naps in the day sometimes, which I know are symptoms. But I know the headaches are caused by the stress of being a single mother with three children, one of which constantly badgers her asking if she's alright etc, combined with getting up really early (5:30am) each morning and working through most of the day 3-4 times a week, and then cleaning around the house on top of that. You'd expect her to be tired getting up very early each morning and sometimes going to bed late, and then working all day and dealing with someone as neurotic as me. I can't rationalize these thoughts, no matter how much I convince myself that she's okay and no matter how much my mum convinces me she's okay, it just doesn't sink in. It's CONSTANTLY on my mind.. all the "What ifs?".. "What if she dies?".. "What will I do?".. "How will I cope?".. "Will she be in pain?". I just don't know what to do anymore, these thoughts sometimes reduce me to tears! I am speaking to a CAMHS person about it but our next session isn't for a long time yet. Ugh. Why can't I just accept that she's okay and if she did have lung cancer she'd be a lot worse and definitely wouldn't be getting better. I guess I just can't stand the thought of my mum dying, in a nutshell.

Any advice on how to cope with these thoughts? Can someone tell me I'm being stupid?

Toby

PS. I'm 15

[Rennie1989]

You've said it yourself, you're afraid of your mum dying, hence why you are looking out for dangers that could affect her. I can say that when I was younger I too fretted over my parents when they were ill because I too was afraid of losing them. You're not stupid, it's normal for children and teenagers to worry about their relatives, and you will still worry about them as you get older.

Looking for signs of cancer, like checking her phlegm and fingers, will only feed the anxiety. You need to step back, accept what the doctor has said, and keep remaindering yourself that your mum is OK. I quit smoking too and you will cough and have headaches for some time as your body gets rid of the awful toxins. Just think of it as her body cleaning itself, every cough is getting rid of more tar and yuckiness from her lungs. See it from a more positive point of view rather than negative.