OCD Depression and anxiety

[sleeper341]

Hi,

My 20 year old daughter broke down last night and told me that she has been diagnosed as having OCD, depression and anxiety. She was crying so much she couldn't really explain exactly what it all means or how bad it is, to me. She basically told me that for the last 4 years she has been having problems - With the OCD she said that she has to lock all the doors, check under her bed every night, check in her drawers and some other routines before she can even think about going to sleep - if she can sleep. She told me, for example, if she sees a pair of her socks 'unpaired' she feels it means that my wife and I are going to split up or one of us will die. That is just one of many things she said she feels. She says it is constant fear and panic that something bad is going to happen if she doesn't go through her routines. She doesn't sleep properly and is constantly worrying.

My wife and I had no idea about this as she has hidden it so well. She has passed her alevels, got a place a top university and is excelling in her degree. For the last 4 months she had been telling us she was going to the hospital regularly because she had 'womens problems' and that it might be polycystic ovaries - but that was just a cover because she was actually seeing a mental health specialist - she just felt she couldn't tell us because we'd be disappointed or think she was being silly and she needed an excuse for the appointment phone calls and letters arriving from the hospital.

I feel bad that she felt she couldn't tell us anything over the last 4 years but super proud of her for having the courage to speak to someone at last and get professional help. Hopefully, now that she has opened up a bit to me, she will be able to tell me a little more about what is happening as I still feel a little in the dark, but I don't want to pressure her in to divulging more until she wants to, but likewise I don't want her to think I don't care enough to ask.

I guess I am here to ask for help for me - how do I help her? I've offered to help her, to be there for her if she wants someone to go to therapy with her. She told me she doesn't want to take any medication to help so the specialist has referred her to a therapist to speak to once a week.

Anyway, if there is anyone out there who can give me some advice then that would be great.

Thanks

[Jamesk]

I am not sure I can offer anything positive in terms of helping, otehr than to say it will be great for her havinjg your support and I am sure she has taken a huge step forwards by telling you about her problems so that you are in a potion to understand and to help.

Best wishes to all of you.

[jayb1]

I hid my eating disorder for years then did the same with compulsive checking and then the same with anxiety until it was hard to hide with the panic attacks . Can't hide one of them! Mental disorders are still a stigma I'm afraid so not wanting to tell anyone is pretty much common. Don't feel bad about it , let her come to you for help if she needs it, sometimes it's easier for us not to talk about it. You've done the right thing offering to go with her to appointments she now knows you're there to support her . You should be very proud of yourself that you've raised an intelligent child who has achieved so much in spite of her problems( I flunked out of college ) The way my mum deals with it is by saying"is there anything you need" or "if you need to talk about it I'm here" then the ball is in my court. Tell her about this website, it's the best thing I've ever done joining this, chatting to people who have the same problems knowing youre not the only one helps a lot. I wish you well and a big hug to your incredible daughter

[TomT]

Hi sleeper,

A great way to help her is just letting her know that you are there to talk if she needs too, my mother did help me a lot just by saying that, don't make her feel weird or crazy maybe learning about anxiety and OCD might be helpful.

Anxiety is caused by a stressful situation it seems even though she excels at her studies, she might be putting a lot of pressure on her. Maybe doing an outdoors activity with her may help as it will make your bond with her stronger and fresh air always helps to cope with anxiety

[MyNameIsTerry]

I think it's great that you have come on here to find out more. Many people wouldn't know where to go and just head for a GP but there is excellent information out there which can really help you to understand this disorder.

This is a list of common types:

http://www.ocduk.org/types-ocd

There are more out there and levels of complexity within obsessive-compulsive cycles that are not found on the charity websites in many cases. So you have to go a bit farther afield such as:

http://www.ocdtypes.com/index.php
http://www.steveseay.com/

The last link is a practicing licenced psychologist in the US. Mental health disorders are categorised differently in the UK as we use the WHO diagnostic manual, not the US DSM which is the other major manual, but Seay's level if detail is excellent in learning about the issues within the different types of OCD which are very common across both spectrums. In truth, the manuals are less of an issue for OCD as the distinctions are more between the umbrella form of OCD, not the individual types within it so it makes sense to access articles like Seay's as they fill in a lot of detail we don't have on the charity websites.

Having mental health disorders makes you believe you are a burden to your family. Whilst you won't want her to feel like this, she probably will, it's natural since you want the best for your kids and kids want their parents to be happy & proud of them. Being there for her when she needs it will make a big difference. This is another good reason for reading material like the above because unless you have read a lot about OCD before, I doubt you will appreciate just how broad the spectrum of possible issues is. The media still portray it as washing your hands, hoarding and all the usual checking rituals but in reality it is far more complex and varied than this.

Looking at what she has told you so far she appears to be having issues with Magical Thinking, something I have too. This can be seen in the socks example. One of the ways a therapist will attempt to deal with that is Behavioural Experiments where you actually attempt to make your fear come true. You then realise that nothing happens but more importantly you learn that you can't influence the physical world with your mind. It's a bit like when kids think they have super powers but in our case we think if we don't mitigate a risk, and we often don't even know what the feared outcome is, it could come true.

It's good that she has approached her GP for treatment. This shows she is taking the right steps and as her father you must have been proud to see her take such responsibility for her mental health and it's a credit to you in her upbringing as these issues are so stigmatised that sufferers are afraid to approach GP's too.

[Jamesk]

I think it's great that you have come on here to find out more. Many people wouldn't know where to go and just head for a GP but there is excellent information out there which can really help you to understand this disorder.

This is a list of common types:

http://www.ocduk.org/types-ocd

There are more out there and levels of complexity within obsessive-compulsive cycles that are not found on the charity websites in many cases. So you have to go a bit farther afield such as:

http://www.ocdtypes.com/index.php
http://www.steveseay.com/

The last link is a practicing licenced psychologist in the US. Mental health disorders are categorised differently in the UK as we use the WHO diagnostic manual, not the US DSM which is the other major manual, but Seay's level if detail is excellent in learning about the issues within the different types of OCD which are very common across both spectrums. In truth, the manuals are less of an issue for OCD as the distinctions are more between the umbrella form of OCD, not the individual types within it so it makes sense to access articles like Seay's as they fill in a lot of detail we don't have on the charity websites.

Having mental health disorders makes you believe you are a burden to your family. Whilst you won't want her to feel like this, she probably will, it's natural since you want the best for your kids and kids want their parents to be happy & proud of them. Being there for her when she needs it will make a big difference. This is another good reason for reading material like the above because unless you have read a lot about OCD before, I doubt you will appreciate just how broad the spectrum of possible issues is. The media still portray it as washing your hands, hoarding and all the usual checking rituals but in reality it is far more complex and varied than this.

Looking at what she has told you so far she appears to be having issues with Magical Thinking, something I have too. This can be seen in the socks example. One of the ways a therapist will attempt to deal with that is Behavioural Experiments where you actually attempt to make your fear come true. You then realise that nothing happens but more importantly you learn that you can't influence the physical world with your mind. It's a bit like when kids think they have super powers but in our case we think if we don't mitigate a risk, and we often don't even know what the feared outcome is, it could come true.

It's good that she has approached her GP for treatment. This shows she is taking the right steps and as her father you must have been proud to see her take such responsibility for her mental health and it's a credit to you in her upbringing as these issues are so stigmatised that sufferers are afraid to approach GP's too.

Great post overall, and the highlighted bit is fascinating, really fascinating. I think I do this is a very very very mild way, but as I say so interesting to see the behaviour identified and "explained" in as much as it can be. Thanks for this.

[MyNameIsTerry]

Thanks James, I'm glad it was of interest to you. If you look at the OCD UK link it has a section on that page givign examples of types of this behaviour. Mine was mixed in wirth checking & touching compulsions too.