View Full Version : All or Nothing thinking
I have noticed that I have been doing this a lot for most of my life and this is the reason why I am so stressed about whether to stay at college or not. I realised I am the same with friends and relationships aswell.. Its having a major effect on my life and I wondered if anyone else feels like this and what they do about it?
matt :)
Yes, I'm exactly the same and I'm working on this with my counsellor.
For me, I have failed if something isn't 100% right. But, I'm trying to accept that I've succeeded with something if some of it goes how I want it to and some of it doesn't!
My counsellor also says that even a negative experience can be taken as a positive one. It's how you look at things, putting another take on things can make it positive.
Hope some of this makes sense to you [:I]
Kate x
"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"
It's one of the basics of CBT training. We all do it!!
Jo
Any tips on how to stop?? getting pretty bad! :(
Matt, none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes. Life isn't a straight road, it's a challenge presented to us from the moment we are born and it has many twists and turns. I have a tendency to be like you. Many times I've thought, this isn't 100% right and so maybe I should give up and start again. Sometimes I did and sometimes I didn't. But we only have a limited life span and if we keep giving up then how many chances do we get at starting again?
We CAN'T be perfect, as human beings we are all fallible. That's all part of the game and we learn by it. Hopefully at the end of it we end up as better people. I came close to giving up my college course a few times but in the end I persisted. But, not happy with that I then went on to do another degree. Mind you, I'm not sorry because I learnt a huge amount but, in my case, I really didn't need to.
I've come to the conclusion that some of us are really deep thinkers and that maybe we just think too much. Going with the flow might just be the order of the day for me. Enjoy life a bit more. I've possibly lived the greater part of mine being far too serious and worrying far too much. I'd like to spend the rest having a bit more fun and laughing. Well, we'll see. Tomorrow's a new day.
I hope that you do what's best for you.
Elle
Elle
HI MATT I AM LIKE THIS ALOT,BUT RECENTLY I HAVE TRIED TO INSTANTLY THINK OF THE THINGS I HAVE THAT ARE GOOD.I HAD THIS CONVERSATION ONCE WITH MY FRIEND AND SHE SAID YOU HAVE THE PINK WOMEN SYNDROME.THIS IS WHAT SHE SAID.........THE WOMEN WHO HAD A LOVELY HOUSE FAMILY AND A BIT OF MONEY,DECIDED TO DECORATE HER LIVING ROOM,SHE DID THE WALLS A SHADE OF PINK ,GOT A LOVELY NEW SETEE ,NEW WOOD FLOOR ,ALL NEW ORNAMENTS,NEW PINK CUSHIONS PERFECT MATCH FOR EVERYTHING,ALL SHE WAS WAITING FOR WAS THE LOVELY PINK RUG SHE HAD ORDERED.........SHE WAITED AND WAITED THEN TUESDAY MORNING IT CAME ,SHE COULDNT WAIT TO PUT THE FINISHED TOUCH TO HER LIVING ROOM.........THEN JUST AS SHE WAS OPENING THE PACKET THE PHONE RUNG HER DAUGHTER HAD JUST HAD A BEAUTIFUL BABY BOY GOD SHE WAS OVER THE MOON.................AFTER CALMING DOWN WITH EXICTEMENT SHE OPENED THE RUG........OH GOD SHE SAID THE RUG WAS MORE ORANGE THAN PINK,SHE PUT IT DOWN AND SAT CRYING AND CRIED FOR A WEEK ABOUT THE RUG,EVERY TIME SHE WENT IN THE LIVING ROOM SHE SAW ORANGE ONLY ORANGE NO PINK......................WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE ROOM THAT WAS SO PERFECT,NOT TO MENTION EVERYTHING ELSE IN HER LIFE,THE NEW BABY BOY FOR ONE.
SORRY FOR GOING ON :D BUT I THINK ABOUT THAT STORY ALOT WHEN I GET LIKE YOU SAY.TAKE CARE TRACY
davidthegnome
18-02-07, 00:06
I think this is pretty common. I have done the same thing myself in numerous situations. For example, with school. I had planned to begin in January, but just prior to when I would have begun, I started having some severe anxiety and multiple panic attacks every day. I decided to give up on school for the year as I didn't feel I could cope under the circumstances.
Did I make the right decision? I believe I did, because I believe that over this next year I am going to get a whole lot better. I have already made some really big improvements and overcome a lot of stuff. Come next September, when the time comes again to decide, I believe I will be prepared to begin. There may be some difficulties, but I am learning to cope with them better than ever in the past.
I am not suggesting that you go the route I went. Evaluate your feelings, talk to your therapist or anyone you can talk to who is supportive. Chances are that college is helping you even in ways you may not realize. Being around other people, learning, having a focus during class and many other situations at school.
If you get to feeling really overwhelmed, then talk to your school councellor about your situation and ask if certain accomodations could be made. Perhaps you'd be more comfortable cutting back on your classes, perhaps you'd be more relaxed if you knew you had the option to step out and take a breather if you felt like you had to.
The fact of the matter is that you're there now. So you've already taken some big steps and are coping despite your troubles. Are you happy with the courses you're taking and the degree program you're in? If you are, I'd suggest sticking with it as best you can. You'll have ups and downs, but there are people around who can and will support you if you just ask.
I admire your strength in managing as well as you have. I'd suggest considering many different options before making the decision to give up on college. There's all kinds of different routes to take, perhaps one or two of your courses could even be taken online if that would make you more comfortable.
Good luck to you and God bless you,
Dave
Everything you think can be measured on a mental image of a 10 cm ruler.
Most anxious people will think in a 'worst case scenario' extreme way and have been doing this for so long it's now automatic - which measures 1 on your ruler. ( I'm going to die )
Your homework, each and every time, is to think of what set of thoughts would measure a 10 on your ruler. ( I'm totally fine)
Then you need to consider where reality will measure up, and thats often somewhere nearer the middle and then try to concentrate your thinking on that area. (I feel rubbish but there is no evidence to show that I am dying- I'm still breathing , thinking, seeing and hearing and have a heart beat although it may be fast)
This can be applied to practical descisions as well as feelings.
Hi Matt,
I'm with you 100% on that one-I've always had to be 100% successful in everything I do, otherwise I'm miserable. When I went for CBT, they taught me to write down in a table my black/white thoughts, how these thoughts made me feel, and suggest a more balanced outlook. A very useful book for identifying worry-thought patterns and changing them is David Burns' Feeling Good.
PS: I noticed from another of your posts that you're from Solihull-so am I! Well, I was born there and lived in Shirley till I was 14 and moved to Stratford upon Avon, where I live now.
PPS: Re your reply to my contribution to the post on seroxat withdrawal. Yes, I was put on it when I was 14, before all the red tape came in, forbidding docs to prescribe it to under 18s and I'm so glad I was! I know they can prescribe in certain circumstances, where they think the benefits outweigh any possible dangers, but it must be awful not to be able to take anything because you're under a certain age.
Sarah
wobily_lin
20-02-07, 19:32
Elo,
We all do it hun....if we don't achieve what we want then thats it it's all negative thoughts,
We have to look at what we have done, n as said, we are not perfect and we have to accept that..n pat ourselves on the back even when things don't go as we want or planned...
Positive vibes sent you're way x
try and join a cognitive training group and learn how to counter your thoughts in a tea form. Or get the books by sam obitz and david burns and start doing them everyday on your own. You really can retrain your brain to eliminate all or nothing thoughts.
Hi Matt,
I'm with you 100% on that one-I've always had to be 100% successful in everything I do, otherwise I'm miserable. When I went for CBT, they taught me to write down in a table my black/white thoughts, how these thoughts made me feel, and suggest a more balanced outlook. A very useful book for identifying worry-thought patterns and changing them is David Burns' Feeling Good.
PS: I noticed from another of your posts that you're from Solihull-so am I! Well, I was born there and lived in Shirley till I was 14 and moved to Stratford upon Avon, where I live now.
PPS: Re your reply to my contribution to the post on seroxat withdrawal. Yes, I was put on it when I was 14, before all the red tape came in, forbidding docs to prescribe it to under 18s and I'm so glad I was! I know they can prescribe in certain circumstances, where they think the benefits outweigh any possible dangers, but it must be awful not to be able to take anything because you're under a certain age.
Sarah
Thanks for ur advice I got that book I havent readit yet tho cos I only had it delivered yesterday! looks good tho :) where about in shirley did u live? small world hey? :)
Matt the sooner you get started the sooner you will begin to feel relief:p
How's it going Matt? I hope you are making progress:)
Im making some progress i dont read it often enough tho but i do dip into it when im feeling down. how u doing?
matt :)
Yep, all or nothing, everything has to be perfect, I have to be perfect. :blush:On the very rare occasions I'm not perfect :ohmy: I give up totally. Thus, I do fabulous Christmases and birthdays (hmm but they never quite match my ideal), brilliant dinner parties, was a great nurse and a great charity worker...but the house is a mess and I'm horribly overweight because I can't make either perfect so I've given up totally. And yes, relationships - I try and try and try to fix things, and then I issue the all-or-nothing ultimatum!
I guess that, and all the other posts, mean you're not alone in this sort of thinking. I'm hoping to learn to accept my imperfections while not abandoning all hope for others:okay: - good luck with yours.:hugs:
S.x
my psychologist said to me to try and change what i say even little things like "it always rains" to something like "it sometimes rains" it doesn't seem like much but it makes a difference :)
I'm doing really good matt thanks for asking. Isn't it amazing that just by making a few simple adjustments in how we process things can help so very much:yesyes:
Hey matt how are you doing? I'm still getting better and hope things are good with you too:)
Just got your reply and relied Matt , sorry for the delay:blush:
Matt,
It has been a long time since I have heard from you. How is everything going? Are you still posting here? I hope your life is going well:flowers:
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