Outdoorfreak
10-11-15, 16:47
First off I'm sorry for the length of this post but this has weighed on me for 3 years now. Well to begin I'm 33 years old now. I've always been the guy who had lots of friends phone rang off the hook all day. I was always outgoing love being on the go. I was a guy people looked up too. I met the woman of my dreams we enjoyed so much of the same things. Outdoors ,traveling ect I dedicated my life around her she didn't have many friends and I made up for that by spending all my time with her and did everything together. Rightfully so this was my wife to be. Well we married and we're expecting our first child and throughout our whole relationship I did everything I could do to have a better career and now with a child on the way I was ready. During the pregnancy I felt like I was losing the love of my life she acted different towards me standoffish like. I figured it was hormones ect. Then I lost my job but but bounced right back into another great opportunity but it had alot of uncertainty but hey life was good my baby girl was born and I had a great job. Well after the baby came into our world it didn't take long before I felt like I wasn't part of the family and I lost my wife the woman that I gave everything up to be with the love of my life. She was sleeping with the baby I'd sleep in seperate room cause I worked a swing shift and needed sleep but never could get a good sleep. It got to the point that she never would leave the child for a second when she wasn't working we never saw each other anymore talked nothing the child took every second of her time .we'll in the mean time work was getting bad layoff talks and I was bouncing back and forth from a different dept to different dept learning a new job and working for new people every 3 weeks on swing shift off swing shift stressed nobody to talk to at home because my wifes time was so wrapped around our child that was 2 now . I was laid off aong with 40 other people and In the same week I found out about 2 of my best friends that I spent the most time with had cancer. They both parished within a couple months but yet I never felt the strains of stress I've always been the strong guy. Well in the mixed of all this in the last 3 years. I started to get the symptoms and I was blinded by them. Sore neck and depth perception which I tjough was just from my job. I stared to get short with people. I was aggrivated with talking on the phone people that would say there piece and him hawes around I would lose my patients with them I'd get sweaty,heart beat was fast just shrugged the symptoms off .no sleep waking up every hour. Feeling like I was getting electric shocks as I fell asleep just to be waken back up still just shrugged it off. Felt itchy ,dizzy blurred vision ,deja vu moments i sat down and it felt lije i was being pulled backwards Shrugged that off too .well 3 years ago today. I remember coming home from work a job I absolute hated and had to do to support my family with I felt didn't love me anymore because it was like I was a ghost in my own house and I sat down on the couch my heart raced I was immediately soaked in sweat blurred ,vision I began to pace legs were rubbery arms felt like they were just hanging there numb couldn't breathe. Absolutely thought these were the last few minutes of my life scary as hell I didn't know what had happened. Well I got cooled off and calmed down I felt lifeless bo energy so tired just wanted to lay down and sleep. Well I woke up the next morning and felt ok weak but ok and headed to work. Boom as soon as I was gonna punch in and I felt trapped there for the day it happened again .well for the corse of a week I was having these 2 to 3 times a day so I took myself to the nearest clinic and they said I was having panic attacks with I figured that anyways .well since that week. I've had cronic worry about my heart or some illness for the past 3 years. Daily symptoms are chest pain and shoulder pain left side go figure that would scare anyone ,heart palps,fast heart rate ,chronic sinus issues ,frequent cold symptoms ,ringing in my ears ,jittery , horribl e fatigue ,insomnia some days blurred vision ,sweating ,body aches and pains all over arms legs and back ,addicted to searching the Internet for symptoms ,stomach problems gas ,bloating ibs ect ,shortness of breath ,itchy feeling,weird feelings of guilt brain fog and I'm sure I'm forgetting something. I just can't understand why all of this happened to me and how it's keeping it's claws dug into me. Since it all begun I lost so much more. I'm still married 2 kids now a great job that I'm trying my hardest to hold onto but hard with the constant symptoms I get and all the people that I was friends with I haven't heard from in a couple years now. Life's such a struggle these days I want the anxiety gone so I can live a happy life with my family.