First post, feeling scared

[IvyGreenwich]

I've suffered with health anxiety, ever since i can remember. As a child i worried that I would develop cancer, replacing this worry in my 20s with a fear of Hiv. My first panic attack occurred in my teens and i missed a years schooling, as i felt. unable to leave the house. Entering my 30s, cancer fears again. Now in my mid forties, Als fears, sparked by googling twitching muscles. I find myself daily scanning my body for loss of muscle tone. I think I've detected signs of atrophy on my left hand and right leg, although this doesn't appear yo have changed in a while and as yet no weakness. I find that periods of peace are momentary. I have 3 beautiful children, 2 grown up now and i wish more than anything to be able to relax and enjoy my life with them. Outwardly i have always appeared to others as strong and rational, inwardly this is not the case. For instance tonight i ran my tongue around on the roof of my mouth and found what feels like a slightly scaly area, painless, slightly whiter than surrounding area, but not outstanding. I googled and now i fear the worst! Please excuse lengthy post. I moved a year ago with work and am no longer live near my friends or family. Have always felt as though I should keep all this stuff to myself though. Hoping for some support from understanding others and to find a more peaceful way forward. Thank you

[est@me]

I don't know if it will help but someone recommended Mind to me. You can ask for a self referral form and they have loads of psychological treatments free of charge. Ive not done it yet but they're sending me a form so it might be worth ringing them? They also gave me the phone number for no panic and anxiety UK.

Hope you're ok :hugs:

[HopelessWorrier2011]

Hi Ivy,

Your description of yourself sounds exactly like me!! I too appear calm and rational to everybody but inside I am a crumbling irrational wreck. Trust me you are not alone in this.

Being away from friends and family must be hard, I too have been there but thankfully back amongst them now. I can't offer you any advice to overcome your anxiety as at the minute I am at the height of mine but wanted to just drop you a message to say, I understand xxx

[dizzy daisy]

Hi ivy
I've been the same really. I remember when I was quite young thinking of all kinds of diseases and being really fearful. It wasn't until I was around 16 that I was told I had anxiety. I've had some periods of my life where I've managed to be fairly calm, but it's a nasty disorder to deal with that's for sure. I'm having a bad spell now which has been going on about 3 weeks. I hope you can find some peace from this worrying soon xx

[IvyGreenwich]

Thank you all for replying. Feel as though I've just taken the tiniest of steps forward, sharing my fears with others. Reassuring to not feel so alone. I will look into Mind thank you.

[Lifelonganxiety!]

Sounds just like me! Lot's of different fears at lots of different times. One symptom causes a panic, then it disappears or I learn it's just the way I am and the anxiety eases, just for it to start again when a new "symptom" appears.

You're not alone, fortunately (unfortunately?) there are many of us in the same boat. This website is a great resource to find people just like us and we can all help each other out!