stumbleweed
11-11-15, 23:07
I believe I suffered from OCD quite severely as a teenager. I say "believe" because I was never formally diagnosed and, in fact, have never discussed it with a therapist or psychiatrist. To begin with this was because I was too frightened to tell anyone about my symptoms and, latterly, it was because other symptoms - depression and social anxiety - became more prominent. At the time, I really thought that I was mad. In the years since, I've read a lot about pure obsessive OCD and am very confident that that's what I was experiencing.
I'm 34 now, and the worst phase of obsessive thoughts was almost 15 years ago. I'd say that I've been almost (although not completely) free of them for nearly 10 years. I have been taking anti-depressants (venlafaxine to treat depression) consistently throughout this time and more recently, have also been in therapy. I've reached the point where my depression is under control and I'm functioning pretty well, so have recently stopped taking the ADs completely (I have always experienced side effects so really want to see if I can live without them).
But…
Since I stopped taking the meds I've had a few glimpses of the "old" OCD thoughts. They are nowhere near as intense as they were back then and I now have the advantage of understanding what they are. But it still scares me that, after all this time, my brain can still do this to me.
The intrusive thoughts I experienced in the past were so powerful and frightening that I could barely function. I was completely overwhelmed by them and the possibility of going back to that place is utterly terrifying.
What if my brain simply doesn't work on its own? Are all the horrifying thoughts that I experienced back then just waiting to be unleashed?
I don't know how to raise this with my doctor given that I've never mentioned it before. Am I being silly? Should I give myself a chance to adjust to being off the drugs, or was it complacent of me to think that I would be ok without any medication?
I'm 34 now, and the worst phase of obsessive thoughts was almost 15 years ago. I'd say that I've been almost (although not completely) free of them for nearly 10 years. I have been taking anti-depressants (venlafaxine to treat depression) consistently throughout this time and more recently, have also been in therapy. I've reached the point where my depression is under control and I'm functioning pretty well, so have recently stopped taking the ADs completely (I have always experienced side effects so really want to see if I can live without them).
But…
Since I stopped taking the meds I've had a few glimpses of the "old" OCD thoughts. They are nowhere near as intense as they were back then and I now have the advantage of understanding what they are. But it still scares me that, after all this time, my brain can still do this to me.
The intrusive thoughts I experienced in the past were so powerful and frightening that I could barely function. I was completely overwhelmed by them and the possibility of going back to that place is utterly terrifying.
What if my brain simply doesn't work on its own? Are all the horrifying thoughts that I experienced back then just waiting to be unleashed?
I don't know how to raise this with my doctor given that I've never mentioned it before. Am I being silly? Should I give myself a chance to adjust to being off the drugs, or was it complacent of me to think that I would be ok without any medication?