View Full Version : I am feeling suicidal
I am completely cooked. I don't know what else to do. I am always at a loss and never happy. Everything's a struggle and a challenge for no positive result just in the hopes that I'll survive. I am completely restricted, scared of doing anything out of the norm because I don't trust how I react. I want to become reclusive in order to save myself any extra hurt or disappointment. I'm scared and petrified to say the least, completely haunted and traumatised by the prospect of life. I can't win no matter how hard I try, so I am becoming angry and shut off. I know people always say you can't please everyone which is true, but I don't like it and I feel like I constantly want to explain myself so I'm not portrayed in any negative light. I am quiet and 'moody' because when I am myself I get completely bowled over as people don't respect me so I get sensitive (I hold my hands up, I am super sensitive). I want reassurance 24/7 that I am doing OK, that I am a good person, etc. But I feel, without sounding dramatic, that I have nothing to be overly positive about (I have been cursed with depression/anxiety for the last twelve years) I am the most misunderstood person with few people who care with the majority just walking all over me - again, I will be told to stand up for myself, but I don't want to, I don't do it well and I look like a mean person (do you see how I cant win and the complexity of my mind).
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME I'M TRAPPED IN MY OWN VICIOUS MIND!!
I am only a member here and cannot make demands,but there are many many people that belong to NMP who struggle 24/7 and I would suggest you look for immediate help
If you're feeling that low, please call your local mental health hotline immediately! This is a very serious post and subject and this is an internet forum. No one here is equipped to deal with something like this.
Positive thoughts
MyNameIsTerry
12-11-15, 12:49
Eli, if you truly feel this upset then I would suggest you make contact with someone who can help you such as your GP, NHS Direct or The Samaritans. Even just have a chat to them and let them try to help you through this difficult period.
From reading a few of your threads about this I think you need help from a therapist to explore your issues with self esteem, self confidence and how you perceive situations. I think you are going around & around about this issue and there is always the chance that what you perceive it to be isn't the case which is difficult to understand from this but it's clear you are very hard on yourself and very self conscious so a therapist would be able to help you work on this and give you techniques to examine your negative thinking styles.
I apologise if that appeared inappropriate, I didn't mean to cause offense. I am just so desperate! I have changed it, sorry.
I have had a therapist for years so I feel I am running low on options.
Hypnotheraphy?
Eli, if you truly feel this upset then I would suggest you make contact with someone who can help you such as your GP, NHS Direct or The Samaritans. Even just have a chat to them and let them try to help you through this difficult period.
From reading a few of your threads about this I think you need help from a therapist to explore your issues with self esteem, self confidence and how you perceive situations. I think you are going around & around about this issue and there is always the chance that what you perceive it to be isn't the case which is difficult to understand from this but it's clear you are very hard on yourself and very self conscious so a therapist would be able to help you work on this and give you techniques to examine your negative thinking styles.
---------- Post added at 12:49 ---------- Previous post was at 12:45 ----------
I think it's best to take that issue out of this thread given the OP could be feeling very upset and speak to Admin if you have concerns. I know you won't want to add to the OP's issues but you know what it's like when you feel desperate.
Ammended
---------- Post added at 15:43 ---------- Previous post was at 13:44 ----------
I apologise if that appeared inappropriate, I didn't mean to cause offense. I am just so desperate! I have changed it, sorry.
I have had a therapist for years so I feel I am running low on options.
Hypnotheraphy?
There is no need to apologise but despite what my friend Terry has said it works both ways. A headline like your original one can actually have a trigger on other people besides yourself. We all have a different scale of anxiety or depression and that can vary from day to day and you obviously feel desperate.
Follow the advise given and if possible get an emergency appointment with your doctor today. Good luck.
If you are feeling desperate I would agree with the others that contacting help is a good idea.
Here are some contacts that may be of some use to you
[/B][/SIZE][/FONT][/FONT] UK based Helplines and links
Whether you're concerned about yourself or a loved one, these helplines can offer expert advice.
General
* Samaritans
Confidential support for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair.
Phone: 08457 90 90 90 (24-hour helpline)
Website: www.samaritans.org.uk (http://www.samaritans.org.uk)
* Sane
Charity offering support and carrying out research into mental illness.
Phone: 0845 767 8000 (daily, 1pm-11pm)
SANEmail email: sanemail@org.uk
Website: www.sane.org.uk (http://www.sane.org.uk)
* Mind
Promotes the views and needs of people with mental health problems.
Phone: 0845 766 0163
Website: www.mind.org.uk (http://www.mind.org.uk)
* The Mental Health Foundation
Provides information and support for everyone with mental health problems or learning disabilities.
Phone: 020 7802 0300
Website: www.mentalhealth.org.uk (http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk)
* YoungMinds
Information on child and adolescent mental health. Services for parents and professionals.
Phone: 0800 018 2138
Website: www.youngminds.org.uk (http://www.youngminds.org.uk)
* Sign
Helps to prevent deaf people developing mental health problems.
Phone: 01494 687600
Website: www.signcharity.org.uk (http://www.signcharity.org.uk)
* PAPYRUS
Teenage suicide prevention society.
Phone: HOPElineUK 0870 170 4000
Website: www.papyrus-uk.org (http://www.papyrus-uk.org)
* Self-Injury Helpline
0117 925 1119
* Manic Depression Fellowship
A charity helping people with manic depression/bipolar disorder.
Phone: 0845 634 0540
Website: www.mdf.org.uk (http://www.mdf.org.uk)
Abuse (child, sexual, domestic violence)
* NSPCC
Children's charity dedicated to ending child abuse and child cruelty.
Phone: 0800 1111 for Childline for children
0808 800 5000 for adults concerned about a child
Website: www.nspcc.org.uk (http://www.nspcc.org.uk)
* Refuge
Advice on dealing with domestic violence.
Phone: 0808 2000 247
Website: www.refuge.org.uk (http://www.refuge.org.uk)
Addiction (drugs, alcohol, gambling)
* Alcoholics Anonymous
Phone: 0845 769 7555
Website: www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk (http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk)
* Narcotics Anonymous
Phone: 0845 373 3366
Website: www.ukna.org (http://www.ukna.org)
* Gamblers Anonymous
Phone: 020 7384 3040
Website: www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk (http://www.gamblersanonymous.org.uk)
Bereavement
* Cruse Bereavement Care
Phone: 0844 477 9400
Website: www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk (http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk)
Crime victims
* Rape Crisis
Website: www.rapecrisis.org.uk/members.html (http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/members.html)
* Victim Support
Phone: 0845 30 30 900
Website: www.victimsupport.org (http://www.victimsupport.org)
Eating disorders
* Beat
formerly the Eating Disorders Association
Phone: 0845 634 1414
Website: www.b-eat.co.uk (http://www.b-eat.co.uk)
National Centre for Eating Disorders,
54 New Road, Esher, Surrey KT10 9NU Tel: 0845 838 2040 Email: ncfed@btclick.com
Obsessions
* OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) Action
Support for people with obsessive compulsive disorder. Includes information on treatment and resources.
Phone: 020 7226 4000
* OCD UK
Charity website run by obsessive compulsives. Includes facts, news and treatments.
Phone: 0870 126 9506
Website: www.ocduk.org (http://www.ocduk.org)
Panic and anxiety
* No Panic
Voluntary charity offering support for sufferers of panic attacks and OCD. Offers a course to help overcome your phobia/OCD. Includes a helpline.
Phone: 0808 808 0545
Website: www.nopanic.org.uk (http://www.nopanic.org.uk)
Anxiety UK,
Zion CRC, 339 Stretford Road,
Hulme, Manchester. M15 4ZY
Tel/Fax: 08444 775 774
Tel: 0161 227 9898
Fax: 0161 226 7727
email("info","anxietyuk.org.uk", " "); info @anxietyuk.org.uk (info@anxietyuk.org.uk)
MyNameIsTerry
13-11-15, 07:56
How are you feeling, elik?
There are various types of psychotherapy that they can use. CBT is usually the norm because it has the highest success rates but it's less useful in more complex cases so there may be other options. If you have a therapist, they should be assessing you constantly and if they believe something else could help, they should mention it. If it's IAPT, they are very limited in what the can offer but the levels above them have better training over multiple disciplines. If private, they may be able to suggest something so I would put the ball in their court really.
Don't worry about the thread. The priority here is your health at this desperate time. There are tons of triggers all over NMP and they can be discussed in a broader sense in the right place - not here. Only Admin can change your thread title but there others on here which are not being changed in title or in content so don't worry about that right now, concentrate on your health.
Thank you for your response, its really appreciated.
I am for sure a complex case - so many issues are present that my brain is perplexed with multiple fears.
I think I have so many disorders, at the moment, personality disorder being most prevalent. I feel I can do no right and no matter what I do I fall short so I am just quiet and miserable. I'm too happy and people walk all over me as I am happy to do anything for others - this has led me to be miserable as I realise that people take the micky and whenever I have tried to re-assert myself it fails as I just come across wrong and become even more anxious. I strive for self perfection which is impossible, therefore always leading to failure and always beating myself up. I don't want to be all self righteous and stick up for myself all the time because it will come across wrong too... I feel there is nothing and I am drowning and petrified. When I become like this, I have no idea how I am expected to be and lose all sense of being rational and all my fears are fuelled by how my low mood and high anxiety effects me.
It just goes round and round in vicious circles and I'm ill and tired and at despair. I don't want to talk to anyone as its negative, its not fair to be that miserable to someone all the time which is my true self. Therefore, I am always fronting, always trying to be the person I wish I was and then failing dramatically because my over-sensitivity and severe depression becomes too much for me to act like this.
MyNameIsTerry
13-11-15, 08:42
Have you been diagnosed with a Personality Disorder, elik? If so, that would tick some boxes for me about how you talk about yourself and how you perceive others view you.
Treatment of PD's seems to not only be about the thinking styles treated in anxiety/depression but also in how to handle your emotions. I've read that DBT is considered better than CBT for this very reason and thats why it's creator invented it.
Hmmmmm . Elik I hope you are feeling less despondent today and taken the advice of the other guys and sought help from the Samaritans or mental health team. We all have those moments of incredible despair and the best thing to do is to talk to a qualified practitioner. Best wishes to you
Write stuff down elik, an electronic diary maybe. It helps you work through how you're feeling.
Thanks for places like this though where you can simply reach out and have someone respond. Sometimes that can be helpful in itself.
Remember there's also a chat room here which can be very useful if you need to talk through stuff with understanding people.
Elik, how are you feeling a couple days after posting this? Hope you're ok.
theharvestmouse
15-11-15, 19:08
On a site like this where suicide is a very relevant and common subject why shouldn't someone post that they are feeling suicidal? Most people know about the Samaritans, they post on here because there are other people in the same boat and it helps to know someone else is or has felt the same as you.
Right for the record, posting about feeling sucidal is allowed on the forum. Whether you agree with this or not that is a discussion for another post.
What will not be tolerated is nasty comments aimed at other members.
I will go through this and delete those that are inappropriate, if I miss any please let me know.
Many thanks
Elen
bernie1977
15-11-15, 20:00
Right for the record, posting about feeling sucidal is allowed on the forum. Whether you agree with this or not that is a discussion for another post.
What will not be tolerated is nasty comments aimed at other members.
I will go through this and delete those that are inappropriate, if I miss any please let me know.
Many thanks
Elen
Why you have felt the need to delete my post I don't know. I did not make any nasty comments, the reason you said you'd be deleting posts.
No consistency from admin. You left a post up yesterday that was indecent and sexually graphic, it took another member of admin to delete it.
Simply trying to get the thread back to the subject of the OP.
I'm sure that as the OP has a therapist she will have taken our advice and spoken to him/her and hopefully she will now be in a place of safety due to her suicidal ideation. This is such a serious matter and all we should do is advise people in elik's situation to seek emergency attention- it's ridiculous to argue it out on a forum when someone's life is at risk.
I'm sure that as the OP has a therapist she will have taken our advice and spoken to him/her and hopefully she will now be in a place of safety due to her suicidal ideation. This is such a serious matter and all we should do is advise people in elik's situation to seek emergency attention- it's ridiculous to argue it out on a forum when someone's life is at risk.
Here here
I don't think there's room for "discussion" when it comes to suicidal ideation. I'm sorry, I may be old fashioned but to me this would be an emergency situation
nomorepanic
15-11-15, 20:58
The poster did not say they were going to kill themselves or carry out suicide, they said that is how they felt and I have also felt like I didn't want to carry on (many years ago now) though I would never actually do anything.
We allow posts about feeling suicidal - we do not allow graphic posts saying how and when a member is going to carry out suicide.
I'm sure many people on NMP feel suicidal at times. Posting about it in a very distressed manner doesn't give us the opportunity to judge whether the OP will carry out her feelings or not.
nomorepanic
15-11-15, 21:27
Yeah I agree which is why members suggested routes to take and offered helplines to contact etc.
Do you think the post should have been deleted then?
Yeah I agree which is why members suggested routes to take and offered helplines to contact etc.
Do you think the post should have been deleted then?
Personally I feel that if people start threads about feeling suicidal then they should be aware that the only thing we can say is that they should get urgent help from the professionals. I don't think the thread should have been deleted as the OP needed help but we can't assess the severity of the situation and it's unfair to expect that we can. I think that all threads concerning suicide should be handled with extreme caution-we just don't know and can't judge. The only way in my opinion is to consistently advise urgent professional assessment.
nomorepanic
15-11-15, 21:46
Yeah and that was done
MyNameIsTerry
16-11-15, 00:19
I used to have this assessment at every CBT session which I was told was formality. Every single one I put that I felt life was not worth living but then their are additional questions that enquire about whether you have been thinking about a method, rate likelihood of doing it 0-10 and give reasons for why you wouldn't do it. I asked my therapist about whether my answer was a concern and she said no because they are more interested in the method or research to understand intention and the additional questions can back up the lack of intention too.
It's not for us to assess and pulisa is right that we need to urge them to contact a professional. But I think there will be others on here who feel like this but don't state it so we can be talking to people feeling so low without realising. I've seen a couple now where a member has posted later explaining they harmed themselves. On this basis I think it is appropriate to talk if we can be of some help but should be very cautious what we say and if we feel we are unsure of ourselves, stick to the basics of giving the information and perhaps just some words of comfort. Part of me feels that not trying to help can mean they feel ignored, but that's just me.
Hi everyone,
thank you for your posts and I'm sorry for causing any animosity. I'm not feeling great still but I can assure you I wouldn't do anything, its just a feeling not an action I would take. Sorry for my poor choice of words. I just feel that life is proving to be a complete nightmare so don't see the point and it's just out of hand.
Thanks and sorry again
I'm sorry that you are in distress,elik. I think it was the emotive title of your thread which really unsettled people and we wanted you to get professional help first and foremost as opposed to discussing it on an online forum.
I'm sure you will have been in touch with your therapist by now and I hope he/she was able to help you process these thoughts?
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