anxiety at work

[Mark501]

I know when my anxiety is bad when I'm seeking refuge on NMP with you lovely people. It's so bad that it's good, indirectly.

Anyway, to cut a long story moderately short, I was offered a job at the end of last month, and I quit after 3 days. 'Why?', you ask.

I was made redundant at the end of Jan this year having been there for 4 years. It was good. October 2014 when redundancy loomed, my anxiety started to kick in after a 2 year-or-so hiatus with me being too busy to be anything other than numb. I was fairly happy to be going as I'd get a sizeable redundancy package and some time off to boot. I'd also be able to search for pastures greener. Anyway, my anxiety started.

February and March were great. Long lie-ins. Quality of life on the up. Then my anxiety begins, I start to get bored and begin to give myself lots of time to over - think. Health anxiety with miscellaneous obsessive traits are my bag. Thing get bad. I lose weight, stop talking to people during the week, can't face the daylight so adopt a vampire sleeping regime. I soon find myself under an inescapable cloud. Time passes and we come to August. My health anxiety ironically precludes any care given to my 'real' physical condition, asthma. I have a severe attack during the night on August 20th. Wake up in the intensive care unit having been in a medically induced coma hooked up to a mechanical ventilator. Woke up with no one around me, scared stiff.

What's all this got to do with work you ask? Well, this year has been so bad that I've lost all my confidence. Panic attacks are rife and seemingly without cause. I begin work at this new place, as an analyst, and after 3 days I simply felt swamped, overwhelmed. The fight or flight response kicks in and I'm close to throwing in the towel at lunch time. I make it to the end, make my excuses and leave, never to be seen again. Now guess what, I'm right back where I started.

How can I ever get myself into the right frame of mind to give myself fully to a new job? Any advice or similar experiences shared are very much welcome

Mark

[Mark501]

Bump

[MarkUk]

The worst possible time for me with regards to my HA anxiety is time on my hands.
I get wrapped up in work & moan when its very busy but if work is slack after a week or so I begin to turn in on myself that's when I get to some dark places in my head. Once work picks up again (It's only PT work) after a few days of focusing on other things I feel much better although the HA is always in the background it is much more controllable & life is OK.

I would say sitting around all day not working is not going to help you much IMO.

[Lucinda07]

I can only suggest setting a few simple goals.
Find a small hobby, interest to absorb you and your worries. It might even be some sort of work around the home/garden. Maybe volunteer work could help.
Regaining one's confidence is not easy - I'm experiencing it myself!

[Dougie]

Your post really struck a chord with me. I left my job of 16 years because it was slowly killing me. I'd suffered a breakdown and sort of managed my anxiety, but it was just too much.

So I looked around, found a really good job that I liked, got the job and handed in my notice. I was a teacher and had the 6 week summer holiday before I started my new job. Anxiety kicked in - as bad as it's ever been. The insomnia was horrific, I could barely go a few hours without crying, suicidal thoughts crept in, I was hiding myself away...in short, I was screwed and back to stage one.

I contacted my new manager, told them what had happened and asked to start on 3 days a week and they agreed. Part time work was a godsend as it meant that even if my anxiety was flipping me out, I had space and time to get over it. It's exhausting fighting anxiety so I really needed the days off.

What followed was hard. Really bloody hard, and I've had some terrible days and panic attacks, but I've just got myself up to full time. I'm. It not out of the woods yet - having a bad night tonight - hence I'm on here!

Things that helped: being honest with my new employers (could you start part time and try to get more hours when you feel able). Medication - I'm on sertraline and it's been great. I've paid for some private CBT counselling which has been really useful. During bad times, I feel better for doing something. I may have been having a panic attack in the morning, but I feel better in the evening for going in to work, so I wonder if you could even try volunteering, just to get you out and about. Being out of the house helps.

It's hard. Especially so if you're used to working. I really struggled with admitting my vulnerability, but I'm glad I've doggedly stuck with it and tried. I'm not 'well' yet - I might never be, but at least I'm trying and that's important to me.

Stop being so hard on yourself. Anxiety is horrific. You're not alone and you can do this. Take care.

[rcs]

Hi Mark,

I really admire people who can work and still face the challenges of anxiety and depression as I totally understand the catch 22 of being employed and wanting away and leaving work for a rest only to be stuck on benefits as in your post my fight or flight response kicked in when things got stressful and I got out with some regrets in hindsight . Sometimes I tried to ignore the symptoms but sleepless nights , poor concentration and bad thoughts circulating I took flight or avoidance as CBT calls it.

Being philosophical about it now I realise half of it was my head and work colleagues did not even know I was depressed or anxious and being a man I tried to hide my dilemma so when I left a company only one or two people knew what was going on and I was accused of being lazy.
My job involved a few risks and had a lot of health and safety and entailed being away for about a month a time but parts of it I really enjoyed and it can be good to be part of a team and succeed and have a decent income.

I am unemployed at the moment and having a lot of time on my hands with not much money is stressful as well and I get health anxiety and OCD .
I am applying for jobs a again and have sat some courses but I chose to leave during an economic downturn in the industry so employers are demanding full qualifications and good work records but after leaving 3 jobs in the last 7 years I am struggling which also affects my confidence plus bad memory/concentration.

I am going through a rough patch at the moment as winter, Christmas is not great for me with some bad memories but I am trying to work through it and eventually I will get another job and if not I will volunteer or go on a dreaded work placement.

I do not mean to go on but work/money is a big trigger for me and my anxiety or it's what I blame for it and I think for other people as well, hope it all works out for you.:)

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