ocd about conicidence.... feel so real [Archive]

Audi

13-11-15, 08:13

My condition starts to stable down for the past fews weeks .
But recently my condition worsen again, as i happen to found out that my son actually had the same mole on his forehead as mine... same spot!!!!! I suddenly had a instrusive thoughts thinking that he is born on to this world to replace me and i m going to die... and if i dont wish to die i had to kill him. When i think of this i almost felt that i m having a panic attack... mouth dry... giddy... i really dont wish to harm him or myself. I went online to search about the mole... some articles says that moles could be genetic inherited from parents. And some people have the same mole on the same spot with their father or mother. Although i feel slightly better after reading that, but the thought still remain in my mind..... i really wish that i could be so happy like the past few weeks. I know it could be inherited from me or just conicdence......but the stupid thoughts just dont go away and its get stonger everytime i see my son.

MyNameIsTerry

14-11-15, 07:18

Hi Audi,

Well you definately know that you & your wife didn't bring your son into this world to replace you but instead to have a family and to give him the best chance at a happy life as you can.

This is an intrusive thought. You noticed the same mole, which is the trigger and then the intrusive thought came and then you reacted with panic/anxiety and followed it up by engaging with the thought by trying to understand what that mole could be. You've found a completely rational explanation to help you to reduce the anxiety but in reality it doesn't matter because both the trigger event and the intrusive thought are based on irrationality.

If you react with negative thoughts or emotions when you have an intrusive thought, your subconscious sees it as feedback that it did something valid. Notice my use of the term "valid" and not "correct". The area of the brain looking out for the feedback in this cycle looks for negatives and especially emotions, the stronger the better. So, if you react with things like fear, sadness, guilt, shame, etc it will see that and reinforce these negative thoughts from it.

Reacting with positive thoughts/emotions, or neutral ones, isn't what it is set up to look for which is why therapy can take a certain amount of time before your subconscious writes itself new patterns based on not only the lack of that negative reinforcing feedback but also a more healthy set of thoughts that don't involve fear and this leads to the extinction of the intrusive thought because it becomes mothballed (no longer required).

Intrusive thoughts, in science, are known as "ego dystonic". This means they are the opposite of your true character, beliefs & values. We should find that known science comforting really because if we have a violent thought that is intrusive it must mean we are the opposite of violent. These thoughts typically target your worst fears and you have described yourself as a loving father on here in several threads now so doesn't it make sense that these thoughts would target your family, especialliy your children? Afterall, if they chose something you were not very interested in, it wouldn't get whhat it is looking for - the fear reaction.

So, try not to react with these strong negative reactions and in time you will see them go. I know it's hard, I've been through it but it does work and many on here have found the same. Also, try to reduce overall anxiety levels. If you are under stress, intrusive thoughts (and OCD in general) are more frequent and more intense. Simply lowering your overall anxiety levels will not only make it easier but make it less in the long term too.

Don't avoid your son either. People with intrusive thoughts do that because they fear they could harm the object of their thoughts but there is no chance of this. You love your son, but you don't like the scray thoughts and allso want to protect him. He trusts you, you're his father. Trust yourself and stay with him. If these thoughts come, challenge them with rational arguments or do what I've said about trying not to react to them. Both these methods work. But if you avoid your son, this will only create an enhanced fear adding onto those original thoughts, and you will begin to fear being around him more and avoid him further.