Losing it

[Worrywart528]

I have no idea why this is happening. On Thursday I had a doctor thoroughly examine my spot on my nose and tell me it is not a pre cancer. I keep lingering on the first dermatologist's diagnosis.

All weekend I have been googling actinic keratosis and reading the worst case stories. People having these and subsequent skin cancers all over their face. Endless cycles of freezing and creams and surgeries. I picture myself becoming disfigured from these and remainder of my life becoming a living hell. My stomach has been in knots and the anxiety has me literally exhausted. I have not been able to eat and my heart has been pounding out of my chest all weekend. I keep thinking what if this third doctor diagnoses this as a pre cancer.

I am making myself sick with regret as well. I did not tan as a child or a teen but for a 5 year period in my 20's I did and the regret is killing me.

[TheMadOladCoger]

Hello,

First things first, stay off Google it doesn't help people like us we can't let go of what we have read and believe the internet over the Doctors that have been trained.

You seem to be very anxious about this even after been told that it's not pre-cancerous, I now what this is like I am the same but we need to learn that repeat reassurance isn't the way to beat HA.

I have a question why do you need to see a third Doctor about this? I sometimes get a second opinion but not very often as I guess I need to learn how to trust them and seeing loads of different Doctors just keeps the worrying alive.

If possible see if you can get some help with your anxiety, if you can't get CBT there are other ways that you could try but CBT is best.

Peace

[Worrywart528]

Thank you for the response,

I do not know which doctor was right... which was the reason I was going to go to the third doctor. The first one used her eyes and diagnosed it. the second one was definitely more thorough in his examination.

The second one was the doctor that said it was not pre cancer.

I honestly wish I would have went to the second doctor first. I would not have thought anything about this and would have moved on.

I need help... This is the worst I have ever been. I find moments where I can step back and say... wow relax you are over reacting. Then suddenly I am disfigured, alone, and have cancers popping up all over. It is affecting everything in my life at this moment. I am not interacting with my friends, my fiance, my family and i feel isolated.

Ironically my health anxiety started with this first dermatologist that pointed out some odd moles on me. I have not had it since 2007-2008.

[TheMadOladCoger]

Hello,

I understand now about the third Doctor, it's not unreasonable to want another opinion when you have been given two different answers.

I think most of us with HA have our moments when it comes to being very rational about out HA, however like you said it doesn't seem to last. I am the same everything is something so far I have never been right and I hope it stays that way.

I also think one of the worst things you can do is cut your self off from the world outside of your HA, it's hard and I know that from personal experience I once didn't go out for 5 weeks didn't speak to anyone, I just told my girlfriend I was ill as it was easier to say that than tell the truth.

Do you have any hobbies? I think what HA is at its worst it's a good thing to do something you enjoy alone or with others.

Peace

[Worrywart528]

I think that is part of the problem. Every time my HA strikes it has been in the winter or fall. In the summer and spring I have a million hobbies and I feel so much better. It seems like it is easier to talk with my friends as well during those seasons. Last Fall and winter I suffered some pretty bad depression

During the spring and summer and even early fall I had so much going on. I actually was able to sit and enjoy my time alone. I had so much energy and life was going so well. I was getting up at 3 am working out, studying for my promotion exam, going to work, enjoying every second of life. Then bam..... that dermatology appointment hit and my world was rocked. I think it is the first time ever that I worried about something that sort of came true.