PDA

View Full Version : New here. could really use some support



mandi37baby
17-11-15, 17:10
Hi, I hope you forgive me for my rant...I've got no one I can talk to about all this and feel terrible... like I'm awaiting the executioner. I found this forum and took a chance on joining and posting to mainly just get down in words how I fell I suppose, so please excuse if this seems disjointed and drawn out..

I've always been a really sensitive person and was super shy in school. Got bullied a lot and used to run away. In my 20s , early 30's I worked for our family business successfully in between having my children and have Done voluntary work and taken Further education courses successfully. However work or rather feeling able to keep in a job has been impossible .
Every now and again through the years I've gotten up the courage and attempted to get a job .. The thing is ,I actually do great at interviews, but when it comes to actually doing the job I get absolutely overwhelmed with anxiety and make scenarios up where I have to leave as soon as after my first day in some cases.
I hate making mistakes and asking for help. I don't want to seem incompetent even though I'm only new , but it never actually gets that far. The longest I've stayed in a job is 3 months as a care assistant 4 years ago .I left to help care for my mum who was diagnosed with a terminal illness so I could spend the time she had left with her. I then helped look after my dad, for a year after my mum passed away. But I slowly had to lessen his dependence on me as it was causing too much strain and pressure, especially with me also having six children and two of school age at home.

The crunch that's affecting everything ATM, came when my hubby was told that he was being made redundant just after Christmas last year and left after working his notice period in March. The money situation means that I HAD to step up and get a job. hubby got a part time position so I had to work too so we can qualify for tax credit.
I'm facing day 2 at my new job Tomorrow, in a large, well known department store and keep fighting back tears. I don't want to talk to anyone, feel sick, and just want to make an excuse not to go ,as Day 1 Yesterday was full of mistakes and I kept forgetting things as there's so much to remember. I don't know how I got through it TBH. I was told that I am expected to open up the shop on my own Thursday and Saturday after 1, 4 hour shift my first day.. the other women there are all in a clique and there is blatant favouritism ..The manager seems really nice, but would rather chat about herself than train me and when I said that I didn't feel confident in being alone just yet she looked horrified and acted as though I was simple or something.. Which doesn't exactly make me over enthusiastic about telling her anything else.. I feel so trapped.. I WANT TO WORK,I NEED TO WORK but feel trapped by circumstances and don't know if I am even capable of holding down a proper job.. the challenge just seems too great..I put a brave face on , but am not really confident at all. I just can fake it temporarily like acting a role.. But then the petrified me from school days kicked in and I'm back there again feeling useless, scared, forgetful. clumsy, unpopular, bullied, weak and a total failure.. I am hardly eating, not sleeping... It's like a nightmare I cant wake up from..

venusbluejeans
17-11-15, 17:18
Hiya mandi37baby and welcome to NMP :welcome:

Why not take a look at our articles on our home page, they contain a wealth of information and are a great starting place for your time on the forum.

I hope you find the as site helpful and informative as I have and that you get the help and support you need here and hope that you meet a few friends along the way :yesyes:

mandi37baby
17-11-15, 20:12
Thank you Venusbluejeans. xx:)

LoBas
18-11-15, 15:20
Hey Mandy,

Just wanted to welcome you, Im also a newbie here. Ive been on sickleave for almost 3 years now as a result of severe mental illness, mostly anxiety problems in the form of obsessive worrying about doom scenario's. Like you it completely cripples me and I recognize the feeling of being trapped. I lost my wife, with whom I was for 13 years, in the process and Im running out of allowances in a couple of months which means I have to go look for a job. My therapist urges that Im absolutely not ready yet, but I have no choice as I need money for my living. So, I kinda know where your at and how tough it is, but I try to remind myself that the problem is all in my head so I have to be able to beat this monster myself. I started doing meds (Prozac) again since last week and hope for some results. Maybe thats something that could help you as well. Have you considered this? Are you trying other forms of help at the moment?

Please let me know if I can be of any help, Ive been in the 'business' for quite a while even though Im a newbie here.

Best of luck!

kcl10
23-11-15, 01:40
Hi Mandy!

I completely understand where you're coming from...anxiety can be so debilitating.

A quote that has always helped me in the past has been:

"Any amount of misery we experience is due to the way that we choose to perceive it."

This may sound like we should be placing blame on ourselves for our mental illness, but that's not what it's saying at all. It's saying that a lot of our pain is self-chosen and that anxiety is simply a malfunction in the way we perceive the world around us. Anxiety does not equate to reality. You are truly capable of accomplishing everything that the woman at your job is capable of doing, or your husband, or the person who rings you up at the grocery store, or your children, etc. etc. etc. Your anxiety is not based in reality. It is a perception that you have developed based on experiences in the past when you felt fearful.

You can be in control of this. If you make a mistake and/or mess up, that's part of the human condition! This is an opportunity for you to give back to your family and be a strong woman. Prove your maladaptive, anxious thoughts wrong! You can do this!