lonely and desperate

[elik]

I have to apologise for the amount of posts I write on here, but I feel I never have anywhere to turn. I put on such a great façade of being OK (ish), so on a normal scale I look pretty boring but in comparison to how I actually feel you would never know. Its so tiring continually having to lie about whats up with you etc and fuels my anxiety with regards to people misunderstanding me or seeing me negatively. I can't get out of the trap. As much as people say you are not alone in this, it is the loneliest illness going. I could talk to someone but I only ever feel more frustrated that no one ever understands and then get worried of what they are thinking. I just want to live a normal life and do the things I wish. My parents have just left for a trip to India for two weeks and I feel like my entire support system has been ripped from underneath me :(

[kellie39]

it so hard isnt it, people her understand how you feel and you can talk to us.
i would love to be back to feeling normal right now and its frustrating that some times it feels like you have a few good days and then a not so good one, im not having a great day today and its so disappointing.
feel free to talk to us

[BurntOutAndBroken]

Oh bless you, you're not alone

[23tana]

Write away. We're all here to listen :hugs:

[elik]

Thank you for your support.

I'm scared for myself because I feel so lost. I am trying to achieve the impossible all the time so putting myself at constant conflict with failure. I find the way of the world so daunting and scary and ingenuine and I just want to bury myself.

I really want to feel rational and sane!!

[Oosh]

I think you should just keep talking elik. Maybe try and be more specific about your worries though. I often find I can't truly understand because it's often so vague.

Do you think working/socialising around bitchy people is taking its toll on you ? It's stopping you from being yourself and now you feel quite numb and unsure of who you are anymore ? It's not that unique a feeling you know. I've felt like that and I think many have. You can work it out.

If you're in a tricky spot, it's ok, it's just a tricky spot. All problems can be worked through and situations improved. Try not to get too overwhelmed.

[23tana]

Try to set yourself some small goals. As you achieve them, your confidence will return. Little steps.

[elik]

I think because I have a complex and ridiculous ability to overthink, I am very sensitive to negative stimuli. So a small issue where I think I have been misunderstood, will turn into such an indepth thought process, and my worries become more irrational and dramatic and out of control that I forget what caused it and the initial thought is distant and small in comparison

Its a constant negative cycle

[freshy666]

Ahhhh, the overthinking!! I cannot tell you how many times in my life I have had someone say to me 'stop thinking so much!' Then, of course, I feel like an absolute freak of nature (I mean, doesn't everyone overthink everything?!). So trust me, I can totally relate to you.

[debs71]

I think because I have a complex and ridiculous ability to overthink, I am very sensitive to negative stimuli. So a small issue where I think I have been misunderstood, will turn into such an indepth thought process, and my worries become more irrational and dramatic and out of control that I forget what caused it and the initial thought is distant and small in comparison

Its a constant negative cycle


Yes, overthinking - an anxiety sufferers nightmare. :weep:

I do sympathise. I am also an anxiety sufferer and a chronic overthinker and it is so hard to stop doing it, as the more you think about overthinking, and try to stop the cycle, it seems the more you do it. The only way I have found to break it is to try to keep your mind as occupied as possible, as it is the quiet moments that are the worst, and just perpetuate the cycle and add fuel to the fire. I know it sounds easier said than done, as when we are highly anxious, all we want to do is nest, but being busy is the absolute best way to deal with overthinking, as the mind cannot focus on all those negative things and thoughts when it is caught up elsewhere.

Anyway, you are definitely not alone, elik. x :hugs:

[dally]

Its so tiring continually having to lie about whats up with you etc and fuels my anxiety with regards to people misunderstanding me or seeing me negatively. I can't get out of the trap.
no one ever understands and then get worried of what they are thinking. I just want to live a normal life and do the things I wish. :(

It s so hard. I am constantly feeling worthless because my family repeatedly ask me to do things with them. Sometimes outings that I shock me because I thought they would've known it was outwith my comfort zone (agoraphobia)
Then other times outings are suggested in a family gathering situation...then someone always turns to me and says
"Will you (be able) to come ....it makes me feel useless worthless and so sad.

I think you have to live this mental health life to really understand it.
So thus forum provides a listening ear. X

[elik]

thank you for your responses. The only thing in my circumstance, I find that when I keep myself busy although I may be blocking my overthinking (slightly) I can almost feel the tension inside me build up that I have to take a moment to sort it out or I become so scatty and rushed :(